MsKathy

The Trip Home 2 - Chapter 2

2011-12-14T17:02:00.000-08:00

This is the tattoo they each have, in different locations:

Sidenote: my beautiful beta, TwilightMundi, actually got me a stained glass version of this. It has shades of blue in it and every time I see it (daily - it hangs by my writing desk), I just get choked up thinking of these characters, all of you, and the friends I've made here. You guys are amazing. I am so lucky that you're here with me. Thank you.

A/N: Thank you to my beta, TwilightMundi, who always has time for me, despite my super-human ability to have a laundry list of projects that prevents me from writing until the very last minute. I love you endlessly and can't thank you enough.

A few notes ... I've marked this story Edward/Bella only because I didn't have the option to mark it Edward/Bella/Jasper. A few people asked. Sorry for any potential hurt, confusion, or upset.

I've placed an image of their tattoo on the blog version of this chapter. You can go to www dot mskathy dot com to view that, if you'd like.

All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

I spent the rest of the flight dozing, ecstatic but terrified at all of the changes about to happen.

When we landed and had our luggage, Edward walked to the long-term parking and grabbed our car. Jasper had me curled against him as we waited at the curb. I was exhausted and more than ready to climb into our bed. I needed a good night of sleep to get off the ground running with Edward and Carlisle's practice. We had precious little time left before the doors opened, and although Esme had taken care of things like ordering office supplies, getting new furniture, and overseeing some remodeling of the building we'd picked before I left, there was still so much to do.

"Ready for bed?" he asked, squeezing me against him tighter.

"Yeah."

"I can tell." He laughed, then kissed the top of my head. "We'll get you tucked in so you can rest. Poor woman, double-teamed for fourteen days and nights…"

I giggled; yes, poor poor me. "I enjoyed every second, in case you couldn't tell, but yeah, I'm … exhausted. You two are more than a handful."

"I'll say," he said, winking over his shoulder as he moved to open the car door for me.

I rolled my eyes and got in, buckling my seat belt and waiting for them to load the bags. Normally I would have helped, but I just wanted to close my eyes again. I'd slept a bit on the plane, but my body still ached with the fatigue that had seeped into my bones. It was as if the two weeks of going non-stop had finally come crashing down on me. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the window.

The next time my eyes opened, we were home. I smiled.

Home.

"Need help?" I asked Edward after I'd climbed out of the SUV and walked to the back.

"No thanks," he said. "You can go lay down if you want. Jasper just took a load of bags in and he'll help."

"Okay."

I was content to let them do the heavy lifting; if they needed help, they would have asked. As I walked by Jasper on his way back out, he gave me a quick peck and a swat on the ass, which made me laugh. Once inside, I curled in my favorite reading spot and grabbed my e-reader, settling in to finish the book I was in the middle of. Edward came into the library a bit later to check his email, dropping a throw blanket over me on his way to the desk. We shared a smile and I sank down into the chaise a little more, letting my eyes close once I'd set my book aside.

The smell of food woke me up and I realized it had been a few hours. The sun had set, and in the kitchen, the boys moved together effortlessly. I snuck in and sat at the table, watching them until finally Jasper noticed me. His smile made my toes tingle, and I looked down at the table. I fidgeted, wondering what the rest of the night would be like.

"Do you need any help?" I asked quietly, looking back up at them.

"We got it," Jasper said, giving me another smirk. "Almost done, actually. Wanna grab the plates?"

"I'd love to."

I got up and set the table quickly, bringing the plates and glasses and silverware on each pass to the table. I thought about the dishes as I set them down in their spots, how they were special to us. We didn't register for a lot of things when we got married, but these were something we all agreed on. The pattern was something each of us liked, and I thought it was surely some kind of miracle or sign we just had to register for them. Carlisle and Esme had purchased them for us, and Esme made me promise to use them often.

My fingertips traced the silver edge as I thought about our kids using the same china.

"I think I'm ready," I said to no one in particular.

"Jasper's almost ready, too," Edward said. "Thanks for setting the table." He wrapped his arm around me, using the other to sweep my hair away from my neck, then lowered his mouth to my skin.

"No, I mean, I think I'm ready to have kids."

"What made you change your mind?" Jasper asked, setting his platter on the table and taking his seat.

"I'm not sure. I just feel … ready."

Edward pulled my chair out for me, and once I was seated, moved to his normal spot. "What makes you sure you won't change your mind?" he asked, digging in to the pasta.

I shrugged.

"Who says you two won't change your minds tomorrow and give me the boot?" I asked, twirling a forkful of pasta.

As I chewed, they laughed and shook their heads.

"I want that," I said, changing my tone to make sure they knew how serious I was. "I want to see what happens when we just throw caution to the wind, and let nature take its course. I want to see what our babies look like. I want to hear them call me Mommy. I want to see you cradle them. I've thought about it a lot over the last few days, and you guys know me, I won't change my mind. If either of you aren't on board anymore, we can wait, I just wanted to put it out there that I'm ready."

The rest of the meal was mostly small-talk, or pockets of quiet as we devoured the food. When the kitchen was cleaned up, we decided to head to sleep early. We all had to be awake insanely early to start the week and there was no time to waste with jetlag. Of course, I'd napped — maybe the boys had too, I wasn't sure.

In the bathroom, we shared the counter space as we brushed our teeth, and I was practically giddy. I had no idea if it was simply left over from being so tired or the lightness I felt at having made a decision. I stole glances at both of them, the three of us grinning like kids in the candy store. Although our bedroom usually made me feel that way, I knew we were all too worn out for any fun that night. Before we left the bathroom, I threw away my pack of birth control pills.

As predicted, we snuggled together under the covers but no one made any moves.

"Are you scared?" Edward asked from his spot behind me.

"No," I said. "Not really. I have you guys. I don't have anything to worry about."

"Good answer," Jasper said, leaning to kiss my lips.

"Are you guys scared?"

"A little bit. I mean, I hear the guys on the team complain about their wives sometimes, after they have kids," Jasper said. "Things change."

"Yeah."

"Well, things have to change for a bit, you know?" Edward said. "Everything will be chaotic, and then it will re-balance. It'll be a lot of work."

"But we have more hands than most couples," I said.

Jasper grinned and I could see it even in the dark of the room. "True."

"And Esme and Carlisle and Charlie and… somany people around us that love us."

"Very true," Edward said.

"And we have each other," I said.

No one dared to say anything else, the perfection of the moment something we couldn't possibly have ever planned. We were all on the same page, and we all knew which steps we were taking together, into the future… and soon, I hoped.

The next day, Jasper had been adorably tempting, in bed all by himself and naked. He'd pushed the giant comforter down, stroked himself, and almost begged us to stay.

"Later, I promise," I said, kissing him quickly.

Edward and I left to meet Esme and Carlisle at the office. We were so close to being ready to open our doors, and that was good considering how soon the actual open date was. By the following Monday, we needed to be finished. We'd been taking calls and booking appointments like mad thanks to Carlisle's experience.

"We going to hire some staff, get this place going?" Esme asked as we unpacked boxes of supplies and loaded the cabinets in each exam room.

"I don't know. I was thinking maybe I'd stay on as the office manager. We can hire a receptionist."

The grin that spread across my face wasn't premeditated, but I thought about waddling through the halls, swollen and ready to burst with the life inside of me. Someday. I'd need to get someone to take over during that time, for sure.

"You have the look of a lady that just spent two weeks with her husbands," Esme said with a sigh. "I seriously need to look into that."

"Why didn't you and Carlisle go anywhere before we opened?"

Esme rolled her eyes and laughed. "Have you seen Carlisle? Just try to get him to leave his work behind."

"Behind?" Carlisle said, his voice full of playfulness. "Whose behind are you ladies discussing?"

"No one's," Esme replied. "But if you'd like, we can certainly discuss your fine ass. Not that I've seen it much lately…"

Her arched eyebrow conveyed everything I never wanted to know, and I politely excused myself once they began to kiss. It was sweet, but ew.

"Hey, baby," Edward said when I walked into his office.

I practically fell into the chair, the day already taking its toll. "Wanna grab lunch? I have a feeling Carlisle is going to be grabbing something else, so I hightailed it out of there. Let's give them some privacy?"

"I'd love to. Where do you want to go?"

I hummed, thinking about what sounded the best. "How about the cafe around the corner?"

He stood up and I joined him, our hands linking together. "Perfect," he said.

We got seated quickly and poured over the menu, ordering ourselves some sandwiches.

"Think we should get something to go for the lovebirds?" I asked after a sip of Diet Coke.

"That's a nice idea," Edward said. "You're so considerate."

I loved it when we had easy, casual moments to reconnect. It would have been perfect if Jasper had been there, but the knowledge that he was waiting at home for us, or would be waiting at home for us once he was done at practice … sweaty and hot … or maybe fresh from his shower, squeaky clean … it was distracting, to say the least.

The rest of the afternoon, we worked easily, the four of us tackling things mostly individually. When I took a break to make a coffee run, Esme came with me. She was so happy, glowing and all that shit. It made me smile, but again, was just a little bit ew.

"You guys hosting Thanksgiving this year?" she asked as we waited in line.

"I hadn't thought about it. Do you not want to host?"

I hoped something else wasn't going on with them, but I worried.

"No, no," she said, placing her hand on my arm. "I just thought it might be nice. I'm still all over Christmas, but maybe it would be nice to relax and let you take a holiday. You can invite Charlie and Sue, and all your friends."

"I'll think about it. It sounds nice, but a lot of work. Will you help?"

I was scared shitless at the prospect of hosting so many people at my house, but also thrilled and excited that Esme trusted me enough to hand over one of her traditional entertaining days.

"Of course," she said, squeezing my arm.

The cashier took our order and we moved to wait by the barista, switching out conversation to all office talk. We were looking ahead of schedule for our opening, and that eased the stress on both of us, and seemed to for Carlisle and Edward as well. I knew there would probably be times in the future that we'd get frustrated with working together, but it was nice to accomplish so much together.

By the time we left, my body ached from the bending, stretching, lifting, and other work we'd done. Edward drove us home, and I thought about how much I needed a hot bath.

"Wanna grab takeout on the way home, or do you want me to cook?"

"We can do takeout," Edward said, smiling at me. "Chinese or Indian? And why don't you text Jasper and ask what he wants."

"Yum, Indian."

I tapped away, texting Jasper as music from the radio filled the silent space in the car. When he replied, my laugh was so loud it startled Edward.

"He's being difficult," I explained. "Responding to me with lots of dirty suggestions he's hungry for."

"Well, at least one of us isn't entirely exhausted. Hope he picked up the kitchen like he promised."

I had to laugh; they both tried to pitch in with the housework, but it was hilarious to me when they got pissy with each other (or me) over the dumbest things. In my next reply, I made sure to mention the kitchen, doing my best to try and keep the peace between all of us.

The counters are so clean I could eat off of them. Eat you off of them. On them? Fuuuck. How far away are you?

Oh, Jasper. I shook my head, but shivered. After a deep breath, I dialed our favorite Indian place on the way home and ordered. I didn't really need either of them to tell me what they wanted — the two of them could be such creatures of habit at times. It was adorable and annoying any time I wanted them to try something new and be adventurous.

"Hey, so your mom asked me about hosting Thanksgiving at our house. What do you think about that?"

"That sounds nice," Edward said. "The three of us can definitely tackle it. You want to?"

"Yeah, I think so."

When we got home with the food, Jasper was on the sofa in his pajama pants, watching the news. While he wasn't out in the media, the team all knew about our life together. He lived in near-constant fear that the press would get ahold of juicy details and out him, effectively ending his career. Suddenly, I realized why he'd been so tightly-wound the last few days, and that our returning from vacation meant perhaps questions he wasn't ready to deal with.

"Hey, Jazz," I said, smiling over at him though my heart was pained. "Anything good on?"

He grumbled and turned the TV off, then tossed the remote and followed us into the kitchen. "What'd you get me?"

"Your favorite, duh," Edward said, turning to kiss him. "Thanks for taking care of the dishes."

Jasper mumbled a reply and bit his stubble-covered jawline. Edward's hands tightened around the container he'd been holding and I smirked at them.

"Dinner first, boys."

"You already sound like a mom," Jasper whined, pulling away from Edward.

"Hey!" I smacked his arm. "Maybe I just want you to have enough energy to keep up with me…"

As I laughed, he growled. I raised an eyebrow, tilting my head to our plates. I was fucking starving.

We flopped on the couch, Edward and me putting our legs over Jasper's lap, and ate. Thankfully, Jasper didn't rush us as we all decompressed and talked about our days. He'd had a challenging workout, and was looking forward to his game. We talked to him about Thanksgiving and went through what we'd gotten accomplished at the offices. He was genuinely proud of what we were doing, and that felt nice. There was external validation there that hadn't come from setting up the house and getting things arranged perfectly, or finding just the right couch or bed.

With a full belly, I walked to the bathroom to get ready for the night. I needed sleep, but I wanted my husbands more. I undressed, brushed my teeth, found my favorite lotion, and made myself feel pretty. I picked out a pretty nightgown and slipped the silk over my head, sighing as the cool touch of it snaked along my skin. It was long, off-white with accents of lace; demure by most standards, but it made me feel sexy and sensual. Just as I'd finished up, Edward and Jasper walked in and brushed their teeth. I watched, not because I was waiting and impatient for them, but because I liked to see them together. Sometimes it felt like a reflection of what they were like with me, and it was interesting to be able to see that from the outside. Even without words, they passed the toothpaste at the right time, coordinating and moving in sync. Their toothbrushes joined mine and I smiled.

Slow wasn't an accurate way to describe the way we spent that night. It was true, but not accurate. We moved with certainty and purpose, but gently and with so much more love than I ever thought possible.

"I want to watch you," Jasper had said, moving away from my body.

"What do you want to see?" I asked, breathless. I was really curious, only halfway wanting to hear him say the dirty things out loud that I knew were true.

Edward moved above me, my legs surrounding his hips as he pressed some of his weight against my body. "Hi," he said, my favorite lopsided smirk on his face.

"Hey there," I deadpanned. "Sup?"

We all laughed, but when he dipped down and his hard body slid against my softness, I closed my eyes and mouth.

"That's what I want to see," Jasper said quietly. "The way you two move together. The way Edward makes you come. The way Edward's eyebrows furrow when he comes."

"Touch me," I said. "Please."

I'd grown so used to both of them, all of us loving each other, and I didn't want to be without Jasper. It didn't matter where he touched me, just that he was there, too. When the bed shifted, I opened my eyes and watched Jasper move behind Edward. I wondered if he'd changed his mind, and felt a stab of jealousy that he was going to touch Edward.

He did touch Edward, but his hands moved between our bodies, touching me, too. His cool fingers slid up and down the length of my slit before dipping in. My body arched, reaching for the pleasure he brought. When he pulled his fingers out, I wanted to whine and pout, but I felt the familiar press of the head of Edward's cock and whimpered. I could hear them whispering to each other, kissing occasionally, and I was impatient. Lifting my hips, I pressed, begging him to push inside.

Jasper moved back to my side, curling one arm beneath my head and kissing me hard as Edward finally thrust into me. Edward lowered his mouth, joining his lips with ours for a moment. Separating from us, he lifted himself up again, thrusting harder. Jasper continued to kiss me, swallowing the noises they were both provoking.

The position was awkward, my neck turned and straining, and he shifted back a bit, focusing on touching me and watching his hands as well as Edward's face. Jasper scooted down, his fingers finding my clit again, and quickly brought me to orgasm. Edward fucked me faster, chasing his orgasm so hard. When he came, his hands were gripping my hips tight. Jasper had leaned down again, and began to whisper in my ear about how sexy and beautiful Edward was in that moment.

Edward slowed and then stopped, resting on his elbow as his lips plucked at mine, both of us smiling.

Jasper hummed and we turned to look at him. "My turn to make you come."

There was something about taking turns with them that still felt dirty to me — it was one thing when we were all together at once, each pleasuring each other. Edward laughed, kissing a path down my body as he moved away from me and made room for Jasper. I had expected him to go to the bathroom and clean up, and I turned to see what he was doing.

"Hey, you watch us together all the time. I think Jasper had the right idea; I want to watch the two of you love each other. Or fuck. Your choice."

I wasn't really an exhibitionist, but having one of them watch wasn't really like that for me. It didn't feel as though I was on display, it was just a more passive way of participation, I reasoned. It was still hot, though.

Jasper brought my attention and gaze back to him when he wrapped his lips around my nipple, teeth plucking at the sensitive skin. He rolled, and I squealed as we moved, having not anticipated it. When I was above him, he pulled the other nipple into his mouth and sucked gently. I thought I'd go mad when he pulled it into his mouth, then let it slowly slide back out, only to repeat the action. His tongue danced over the tip and I pushed my body against his, seeking pleasure much lower.

"I can feel him dripping onto me."

I hadn't considered that, but I took a minute to think about it. On one hand, I'd never been the biggest fan of cum itself, but on the flipside, it was sexy that Jasper still wanted me even after I'd just been with Edward. It had been something I struggled with a lot when we first got together, so the reassurance was welcome. "That's hot."

"Wait until I'm inside you, right where he just was."

I whimpered again, feeling him slide up and down between my lower lips. The head of his dick pushed over my clit and I bucked against him harder. He was slick, slick with Edward, and slick with me, and I moaned as the pressure against my clit increased when he pushed his hips up.

"Jesus," he breathed. "Are you going to come just like this?"

"If you keep doing that, I am…"

We moved together, his thick length rubbing just the right way against my clit. When I felt the first tingle of my orgasm, Jasper thrust into me, causing me to gasp and make a loud, sharp noise. His hips flexed and pulled back with startling frequency, driving into me and prolonging my orgasm as long as he could. There was no way for me to be quiet, the force of his movement and my overwhelming pleasure bursting from me in short cries. The way his hips slammed into mine hurt, but in the best way possible. My fingers gripped his chest, seeking something to ground me, and I could tell I'd scratched him a bit in the process.

Several moments later, when I felt like I could think again, I realized he'd stopped moving so violently. His hips lifted and retreated slowly, and when I looked at his face, he was entirely blissed out. My eyes shifted down and I realized I had indeed drawn blood on his chest, which I immediately felt bad for. My mouth moved to kiss each angry mark, and I whispered apologies over and over. Jasper's hands were in my hair, not guiding or holding, just touching.

"It's okay," he whispered. "More than okay."

"I hurt you." My eyes welled with tears as I looked at him.

"You can hurt me like that any day of the week, baby," he said, laughing a little.

The movement reminded me that he was really okay — he was a strong, sturdy man. If he said it was okay, I had to trust that. I moved to his side, opposite Edward, and we were all quiet for several minutes, my fingers meeting Edward's in the middle of Jasper's chest. We toyed with the hair there, tracing muscles and lines.

"Shower?" I asked, suddenly realizing how sticky I was.

They both agreed, and I got up and went into the bathroom, turning knobs and waiting for the water to warm up. We cleaned each other, a sort of quiet calm settling through us. Everyone had been so stressed and we'd only been home a single day. I worried what that would mean about the future, but tried to remain optimistic.

The practice opened the following week, and we celebrated several weeks later with an open house. Charlie and Sue were there, as were Alice, Rose, Emmett, and their children. Jasper was there too, of course, and it was amusing to watch people walk around the open house and try to figure out exactly what was going on with Dr. Edward and his wife and this other guy. We'd agreed not to hide, but also not to invite questioning.

I couldn't help the tug at my heart when I watched kids come in and talk to Edward or Jasper. We'd been at it for six weeks, and I was so sure that I'd get instantly pregnant the moment we stopped using contraception and had sex as much as possible. I knew I was exhausted, but it still made me laugh when I'd give one (or both) of them the eyebrow waggle. They had a never-ending supply of … energy. Surely, with two men and one woman, I figured this whole getting pregnant thing would be a breeze.

I'd bought a test and taken it as soon as possible. It happened to be a workday, and I escaped to the staff bathroom, almost jumping out of my skin as I peed on the stick. I conjured up ideas of how to tell Edward and Jasper. Somehow, the idea that we'd succeed made me want them even more, and I imagined us slowly making love together in celebration. I imagined Esme and Carlisle's delight, having been kept in the dark about this huge step in our lives. I even imagined Charlie holding my baby boy, as proud of me as ever.

When I looked down at the stick, tears welled in my eyes, spilling over onto the white formica.

Negative.

The Trip Home 2 - Chapter 1

2011-12-11T17:12:00.001-08:00

A/N: I am so thankful that you are back for the next leg of this trip (hehe) with me, and these three. It means the world to me that you all loved these characters as much as I did — enough to want more. Thank you. This story will be updating each Wednesday, unless otherwise noted in the update.

To my beta, TwilightMundi, you are the wind beneath my wings. Thank you to afeistyginger and stephk0525 who both played sexy pre-readers this chapter.

The plane had just gone wheels up, and I was full of excitement.

It was hard to believe it had been five years since we were last in Greece, but on the final leg of our exhausting journey back, all I could do was smile like a lunatic.

"I'm so glad you got the time off," I said, squeezing Jasper's hand.

"Yeah, well, if Coach had tried to fuck with me, he'd have found himself minus one star player."

I rolled my eyes at the way his ego had inflated.

"Besides," he continued, "I haven't had a vacation in five years. I think I deserve some time off."

Edward had his headphones in already, dozing on the other side of me. His hand was lazily resting in mine as he slept, and would periodically squeeze mine. Every time it happened, I smiled at the way he kept me close, checking to make sure I was still there, even when he had no conscious idea he was doing so.

"True," I said. "I'm glad that Carlisle and Edward were able to time things just right."

I couldn't have been more excited. Two weeks, alone, together. So much had changed about my boys, yet the best things stayed the same. With Edward and Carlisle opening a joint practice in the next few months, we had a lot of work to do, but agreed to take a vacation before, knowing there wouldn't be much time once things were up and running.

It certainly didn't hurt that it was also our five-year anniversary — a milestone everyone outside of our relationship (with the exception of maybe Alice) was surprised about. None of us was surprised, though. We'd survived the distance when we first met, having to hide after we moved in together, and then planning a wedding together. We got a brief reprieve after the wedding was over, but there had been five years of residency, soccer stardom, and utter confusion about my life path on my part.

I still wasn't entirely certain what I wanted to do with my days, but thanks to the new practice, I had plenty to keep me busy. I knew Esme and Carlisle would work on some things that needed to be done to open the office while we were gone, but they'd also taken a week off to enjoy each other. Lingerie shopping with Esme had been … an experience. I did not need to know that much about my father-in-law, that was for sure.

Soon after we'd arrived home from our honeymoon, we put an offer in on a house. When that fell through, we found another. I'd taken it upon myself to get the house exactly as we all wanted, with Jasper helping when he could. Edward had felt guilty, offering multiple times to hire a decorator or a college kid to help unpack our things, but that just didn't make sense to me. I was free, my own guilt nagging at me at not using my college degree.

By the time things were really in place at the house, Edward was done with his residency and trying to figure out what he wanted to do. The day Carlisle suggested they open a practice together was one of the highlights of our time together. Edward was relieved to have direction, and frankly, it gave me something new and fun to do as well. Jasper just loved and supported us, as usual, content to have me do whatever I loved whether or not it meant I was earning an income.

Beneath our shared blanket, Jasper snaked his hand over my thigh, bringing my thoughts back to the present, and I smiled at him. His hand crept higher, teasing the seam of my jeans. When he began to press harder, I leaned back and closed my eyes.

"You better stop soon," Edward whispered across my body.

"Killjoy," I said.

Edward laughed. "Are you kidding me? You're moaning so loud, I'm surprised the flight attendant hasn't come up here to see who's being murdered. Or blown."

I hadn't realized I'd been so loud, but I quickly moved my hand under the blanket to rest on top of Jasper's, forcing it to be still.

"Plenty of time for that later," Jasper said.

"Mmm, I hope so. Edward was sleeping through most of it," I said.

I tried to behave the rest of the flight, but I admit, my hand snuck under Edward's blanket when he fell asleep again. He was a good sport about it, even though I know he was exhausted from the last bits of his residency. I was amped up, ready for privacy and a soft bed to lie in, even if I was exhausted from all of the travel.

To distract myself, I spent the balance of our flights thinking about all of the places we'd been the last time we were in Greece, and which ones I wanted to go back to. I made a list of restaurants and cafes I wanted to be sure to visit, and then made another list of things I wanted to bring back for friends. I dozed for a bit, then woke up during our layover in Athens.

When we finally got to Santorini and Jasper gave the address to the taxi driver, I had to laugh. Of course Jasper had rented the same villa. Of course.

The boys loaded our luggage and we were on our way in no time. After we arrived, we unpacked and I couldn't help but wander around quickly, taking in what had changed around the place. There was a chef — a different one this time — and apparently a housekeeper that would be arriving later in the week.

"I want all of your free time for us, not cooking or cleaning," Jasper had said, his scruff tickling my neck as his lips moved.

"Yes please."

Before I could even finish my sentence, he'd grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bedroom. Poor Edward was already sprawled on the bed, sleeping. We laughed and undressed, then slowed down to take our time with each other. I scooted back on the bed as Jasper slid between my thighs, stalking like a predator as he moved his hands up my body.

Small noises filled the air and any time either of us would turn and look at Edward, we'd giggle, but the other person would bring us back with a reminder of what we were doing. Slowly, we made love and reconnected, our bodies tightening and then letting go completely. It took every last reserve of energy to clean myself up after, and I collapsed onto the bed snuggled against Edward when I was done. Jasper curved his body to fit against mine, and we napped together for several hours.

When I woke up, the boys were gone. I stretched, cat-like, and put on a robe before making my way into the kitchen. There was food on the table, both of them picking and nibbling, and I sat on Edward's lap.

"Feeling more rested?" I asked.

My arm wound around his neck and I tilted his head up to kiss me, not bothering to wait for his answer. Apparently, at the very least, I was feeling well-rested.

He mumbled against my lips, his tugging into a smile. He tasted like the gorgeous fruit on the table, mixed with Jasper and his own sweet taste, and I finally let go after several slow, sweet kisses.

"Someone had a nice nap," Jasper said, teasing.

"I did," I said. "Now I'm ready for more of you guys. Let's get this vacation started right."

"You don't have to ask me twice," Edward said.

We stood up together, Jasper following close behind. I tugged at Edward's scrub pants, loosening the string that kept them up. As they fell to the ground at the foot of the bed, I got down on my knees and looked up at him. One quick swipe up the length of him was all he got before I put my lips all the way around him. I licked and sucked as I pushed my mouth further down his cock, taking all of him inside of me.

Jasper was behind me, untying my robe and pushing it off my shoulders. When he had me naked, his hand snaked between my thighs, then pulled, lifting my lower half so I was standing, bent at the waist while I sucked Edward's cock. He lowered himself, kissing down my back and over the swell of my ass, until he was at my pussy, kissing and licking. I pushed back against him, wanting and needing more.

His hand slapped my ass and surprised me, causing me to lurch forward against Edward's body and take him even deeper.

"Up on the bed," Jasper said.

Yes, Sir.

"Edward, lay down. Bella's going to straddle you."

I raised an eyebrow at Edward, both of us grinning and ready, as he laid back on the bed, waiting for me with open arms. I crawled on top of him, straddling his body as Jasper had instructed. When I sank down, I had to close my eyes, the sensation of being filled by him something I wasn't sure I'd ever get used to. They both had a profound ability to affect me and I easily imagined us in twenty years, still laughing and playing in bed.

Once I was in position, Edward moving slowly in and out of me, Jasper was behind me again. His fingers played with my body, slick with lube, as they opened and relaxed me. We'd gotten to a point where we didn't need a ton of foreplay when we engaged in anal, but Jasper still took his time teasing me. It was never a means to an end, but rather an entire experience for all of us.

A few minutes later, I felt him rub himself up and down between my cheeks as Edward and I moved together. I couldn't wait, a quiet noise escaping my lips at the desire that had built up. As Jasper pushed forward, entering me carefully, Edward's thumb reached out and traced the small triquetra tattoo on my hip. I smiled at him, leaning in to kiss him harder.

We moved together — choppy and uncoordinated at first as we found our rhythm, but when things smoothed out, it was as if it had been choreographed. Every movement, each thrust and push and pull, all combined and overwhelmed me. I was panting and whimpering, ready to come at any moment, thanks in no small part to both of their hands touching exactly where I wanted. I felt my muscles squeeze and tense, my entire body set on fire by them, as I almost lost control of myself when I began to orgasm.

Jasper was the first to falter and break the rhythm, his thrusts becoming more pounding and demanding as he pushed himself into his orgasm, too. His grip on my hips tightened and I squeezed Edward, pleasure still rolling through me. After Jasper had come, he pulled away and disposed of the condom, coming back to us quickly and resuming his not-so-gentle touches.

When his hand pushed me up to more of a sitting position, I couldn't help but feel a rush of pleasure, knowing he was going to help coax a second orgasm from me. Edward's face turned almost pained as one of Jasper's hands disappeared behind me, and I imagined him teasing Edward in a similar fashion to what he'd done with my body. It wasn't long before I was coming again, Edward falling apart beneath me.

Thankfully, Jasper had brought a towel back from the bathroom, and I laid it beneath my body once I'd slid off Edward, still panting and attempting to regain my sanity.

Jasper laid between Edward and me, and we were gently touching each other. Being in Greece had been magical for us, and the second time was proving to be just as magical as the first. I was happy, sated, and ready to swim and eat again. Well, once I was recovered.

"I love you," Edward said.

His words had startled me out of my thoughts. Jasper and I echoed his sentiment back to him and I lifted my head to look at him, noticing he was tracing Jasper's ink.

"Sometimes, I think about those crazy lonely nights in Boston, and I never imagined it would be this good," I said.

"Just imagine how great it'll be once we have a little one," Edward said, his voice lifting with hope.

"Someday soon, sweets. Just not yet."

Poor Jasper was always stuck in the middle of these conversations — this time literally. He had no opinion on when or even if we should have kids, but he always listened to us discuss it. Edward had never pressured me, I just knew he was ready. He knew (and respected) that I wasn't, even though he'd argued that there would never be a right time. He was right, there was no perfect time, but we needed to get through opening the practice first, I'd argued.

The truth was, I wanted more time with them by myself. Sure, it was selfish, but we had eighteen-plus years once we had a child together, and I wanted more of just us before it was altered significantly. I'd seen Rose, Emmett, and Alice and their struggle to manage to have a private life with their children around, and they were making it so far, but it was still not easy. I'd babysat for them, and it was insane. Being around kids was fun, but much harder than I ever thought. They'd added baby Sadie to their family, bringing them up to two girls. Emmett still laughed and joked about adding a boy, but both women seemed bound and determined that they were done, each having given birth.

I knew what a source of stress and strain the kids had added to their personal lives as well, and although they were still all committed to each other and in love, it scared me.

Terrified me.

All of that was forgotten when Edward stood up, still naked, his long and lean body on display for me. I could see his mouth moving, but couldn't really hear what he was saying. He might as well have asked me what the secret to life was — I was rendered stupid when I looked at either of them like that.

"Bella?" Jasper said, one of his hands tweaking my exposed nipple.

"Hey! Hmmm?"

"Edward wants to go swim," Jasper said. "Wanna put a suit on or go commando?"

"Suit, for sure."

Jasper got up off the bed, walking out of the bedroom toward the porch. "I think I'll chance it…"

Oh Jesus. He was really going to swim naked, and I was supposed to resist that?

It occurred to me that maybe that was the point — he didn't want anyone to resist anything. I was good with that option.

Edward helped with my bikini and we joined Jasper in the cool, blue water, the sun warming us as we splashed and played. I couldn't help it, I teased Jasper at every opportunity, and so did Edward. After a bit, I just wanted to lie in the warm sunshine, so I climbed out, sprawling on the chaise lounge. It was a lovely view as they seemed to be grinding against each other in the pool, making out, hands wandering.

I let my own hand wander beneath my bikini bottoms as I watched, not necessarily to bring myself to orgasm; I just wanted to channel the nervous sexual frustration as they teased each other. When Jasper helped lift Edward out, settling between his thighs in the shallow end of the water, I gasped. Jasper was so, so eager to please, and Edward leaned back on his hands, face full of bliss. The glare of the sun beat against their skin as they got lost in each other.

I could only see Jasper's back and Edward's front as their bodies met, and I watched as Jasper's muscles flexed, holding him up and out of the water, but also, I was certain, stroking and helping him tease Edward more. When Jasper's head moved up and down, my mind filled in what I couldn't actually see, and I stroked myself faster.

One of Edward's hands went to Jasper's hair, threading through the wet strands and pulling and pushing, and I lost it. My fingers pressed harder and faster against my clit as I gave myself an orgasm. I had to fight for my eyes to stay open, watching them and thinking about how sexy they were together… thinking about how I was lucky enough to be a part of that. Not just the sex, but the connection and intimacy they shared.

My hand stayed in my bottoms once my orgasm was over, my entire body spent again. Edward groaned and Jasper's movements stilled. After Edward had clearly come, he laid back, legs still dangling in the water, body flat against the border of the pool, and I giggled. He, too, was obviously spent.

Jasper was going to be the death of us. How he sometimes had enough stamina to exhaust us both would always be a mystery. A very fun mystery.

The rest of the day was spent lounging and relaxing — recovering from jet lag — and then a ridiculously early bedtime, considering Edward had napped. When I fell asleep, I had a full belly from the feast of meats and vegetables the chef prepared for dinner with baklava for dessert, and a full heart from Edward and Jasper.

~0~

Morning was early. So early, the sun had barely risen in the sky, but we were all well-rested and ready to go. We walked to our favorite cafe from the last visit and sat for a morning boost.

"What do you want to do today? I have my list right here," I said, turning to dig in my bag.

"What is it with you and lists?" Jasper asked.

"I like to make sure I don't miss anything."

"Do you have a dirty list?"

"In my head," I said, raising an eyebrow. "You have a problem with that?"

"Nope."

"So, as I was saying, I have a list of things I want to make sure I don't miss. Maybe we could do some sight-seeing today since we're up and at it so early, then do shopping on a more lazy day?"

They both nodded and I set my list on the table, walking them through the options. Of course, neither really cared much what we did — we'd seen most of the sights we were desperate to see the last time, but they went along willingly with the plan I laid out for the day, which involved touring a winery.

It was so much fun to relax with them and walk around the winery. We weren't too concerned about people whispering about is. We were used to it, and most of the time, it never even occurred to me that people might have a problem with our unusual arrangement.

In the car on the way back to the villa, we were all happily tipsy and looking forward to dinner and nighttime. We arrived home to another giant feast of delectable foods, stuffing ourselves full of Greek delicacies like dolmas and spanikopita. Thankfully, dessert was just cut up fresh fruit, so we put it in the fridge for the morning.

We sat on the couch together, resting our tired feet, and watched a movie. Edward had his head in my lap, and I was stroking his hair. Jasper was on the other side of me, and his hands would sometimes join mine, other times resting on my knee or another part of my body. By the time the movie was over, we were all exhausted again.

We brushed our teeth together, laughing and smiling at the sink as we made foamy-mouthed faces at each other. We crawled into bed together, touching and soothing and reminding each other of the goodness we'd created. I was certain I'd be the first one asleep, but instead I found myself wide awake between them, thinking about the ways our lives would have been vastly different if we'd had less faith in each other, and in the three of us together.

I wondered if Jasper and Edward would have gone to Greece on their honeymoon, or if Jasper and I would have had babies by now, or would Edward have moved to Boston and finished med school there?

It was pointless, but I couldn't stop my mind from wandering.

When we did have babies, how would we do it? Was there some high-tech insemination method they wanted to try, so we could somehow combine their genes? I didn't really want that. I wanted to have a baby the old-fashioned way. The fact that I was contemplating just how we'd have kids was a sure sign to me that I'd crept one step closer to actually wanting them. I decided to talk to them about it sometime over our trip, and solidify a plan to get pregnant.

Finally, a little after 2AM according to the bedside clock, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, ready to rest my brain and body.

When Jasper was wide awake at eight, I almost smacked him. Thankfully, once I explained I hadn't had enough sleep, they agreed to a calm day of wandering the city. The entire day, I felt on edge, though. At lunch, we stopped to grab coffee and a quick bite to eat, and my thoughts from the night before came back.

"Hey," I said, looking at Edward. "How'd you imagine me getting knocked up?"

He nearly choked on his salad, and I couldn't blame him. Crazy sleep-deprived no-context girl had thrown him a curveball.

"Um. I'm not sure. I thought we'd talk about it and decide," he said. "What were you thinking?"

My eyebrows curved together, lines appearing on my face. "I'm not sure, but I don't want to be wearing a hospital gown with my legs spread for some stranger, you know?"

Jasper laughed so hard, people started to stare. Or, well, maybe they were staring at my brash words. I couldn't be sure.

"I know what you mean," Edward said. "Does it matter to you? I mean, I'm trying to find a delicate way to ask this." He tapped his fingers on the table. "Actually," he said, turning to Jasper, "does it matter to you?"

"Well," Jasper paused.

"Wait, I think it shouldn't matter," I said, unable to hold my thoughts in. "I mean, we're a family. It doesn't matter who the genetic father is, right? You're both going to love any child we create together, right?"

Suddenly, I was panicked. What if Jasper didn't feel that way? What if Edward only wanted his own genetic kids?

"Of course we will," Edward said as Jasper nodded in agreement.

Of course. What in the fuck was wrong with me? Of course they would both love any child.

"So if it doesn't matter, then let's just have lots of crazy monkey sex and see what happens."

"You know that sounds good to me," Jasper said, laughing.

Edward grabbed my hand. "Does that mean you're ready?"

"Not yet, but I think I'm ready to start thinking about it," I said. "I need to mentally run through the practicalities and possibilities."

They both laughed and rolled their eyes. Whatever. I needed time to get used to all of the changes. We'd all evolved in the five years we'd been committed. I wanted to talk to Esme and get her perspective, find out what raising a kid was like in her house, and see what she thought about this whole thing. Wouldn't the genetic father be completely obvious?

The idea of either of the boys with a baby did make me kinda swoony, though, I had to admit. Then my practical side would kick in, remember the poop and screaming, and I reverted back to my original desire to wait just a little longer.

Regardless of waiting or going ahead, we finished our food and walked hand-in-hand through the rest of the city, stopping in shops periodically and just enjoying the down time together.

I sent Esme an email that night and asked to have lunch with her a few days after we got back. I knew we'd all be busy with the practice opening up, but she was someone I could trust and talk to. Of course there would be conversations with Alice, too, but I also knew those would happen organically.

There was so much to think about, it was tempting to lose myself in worry, but I tried to focus and be in the moment as much as possible over the next few days. We wouldn't have a chance to take a vacation like that again for a long time, especially if we brought kids into the equation, and I wanted to immerse myself in them.

By our last day of vacation, I'd succeeded in forgetting that there was even an outside world. Our last few days had been spent entirely in the villa. We would wake up, shower in some configuration of people, have breakfast, have orgasms, relax by the pool or swim, watch a movie or read together, and have dinner. Of course, the order of certain things was subject to change, but the freedom of no deadlines or phones ringing was an amazing gift we gave each other.

On the flight home, I pulled out my planner and started making checklists of things to do before the office could open its doors. I'd meet with Esme on Monday morning to go over what was left to take care of in the few days before the planned opening, and I hoped we could sneak away for a private lunch during that time to talk about the future. She'd responded positively to my email but we hadn't planned anything specific, hoping we'd have enough time to make it a spontaneous trip.

I was excited and proud for Edward to open his practice with Carlisle. I was even a little excited about the possibility of being pregnant, although the pre-pregnancy activities had me most excited. Jasper would be going back to training and playing soon, and I thought about whether I wanted to stay on as the medical office manager or wanted to do something else with my days. It was a luxury of choice I realized I was very lucky to have.

I spent the rest of the flight dozing, ecstatic but terrified at all of the changes about to happen.

Prostrate in Prada

2011-11-30T20:38:00.001-08:00

A/N:Thank you to the ladies that organized the Fandom4Floods project. I am honored totake part in the fundraising efforts for Australia, and glad that youdonated to read all of these fabulous pieces from so many talentedauthors... and me, too.

Myendless thanks to TwilightMundi, my fabulous beta, and to mypre-reader who never holds back, moojuicey. You both push me in allthe right ways, and I cannot express my thanks enough.

Thisis an M-Rated Edward/Bella Twilight fanfiction story for adults only,so if you are under the age of consent in your area, please skipthis. Thank you.

Allcopyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to theirrespective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying orreproduction of this work is permitted without my express writtenauthorization.

EPOV

I'dlost a case – my second that week – and was in no mood for thebullshit I encountered on my usually mundane drive home. Traffic hadbeen a nightmare, forcing me to arrive even later than I anticipated. As my key turned in the lock of our front door, the clicking noisejarred my brain. It was the reminder of the sound I'd heard athousand times before, echoed (at times) in other circumstances, andI realized I was in deep shit.

She'dtexted me two hours before to ask me to bring home milk. I'dforgotten, and I knew I'd be punished for it.

Iconsidered removing the key as quietly as I could and slowly creepingback to my car, but that was no use. The guilt I'd feel at the liewould eat me up inside, and besides, I never lied to her. Ever.

Iwalked through the door, knowing she'd be waiting. Sure enough, thefirst thing I saw when the door was closed behind me was herbeautiful body. Parts were covered with fabric and girly things I'dlong forgotten the name of, but she was there in all her glory. Mine.

Hereyebrow arched. “Forgot?” The tiniest tinge of disappointmentfiltered through the single word, and I wanted to scream and swear inmy defense, shielding myself from the guilt at letting her down. Iwanted to shout, explain how fucking rough my day had been, my wholeweek, for that matter.

Instead,I nodded slowly, my eyes greeting the floor.

“Youknow what to do,” she said.

Droppingto my knees, I crawled to her. My head was still lowered, and I wassuddenly fucking pissed that I'd picked my Prada suit for court. Icould only hope the hardwood wouldn't scuff the knees, forcing me toscrap it. It was bad enough my Magli's were digging into the top ofmy foot at this angle.

Thefew steps it took me to get to her were a good reminder of my chosenrole. The role I agreed to play each time we took on theseidentities. It was a reminder, though it didn't eliminate my sourmood.

Whenthe top of her shiny black boot was within my sight, I stopped andtook a moment to try and compose myself. After a deep breath, Iplaced my open palms on my knees and lowered my lips to theglistening patent leather. Once I'd kissed the top of each shoe, Iresumed my semi-upright position.

Quietconsumed the room, and I could tell she hadn't anticipated myfailure. Sometimes, it seemed as though she knew me better than Iknew myself; knew when I'd need more, want less, fail a task, orsucceed with flying colors. The failure of my one simple task fromher simply compounded the misery churning in my brain, and the factthat she hadn't anticipated it made it worse. Now I'd derailed whatwas probably supposed to be fun time together.

Justas the quiet began to really settle in my bones, keeping the failureand self-flagellation good company, I heard her move. I could onlytell that she'd moved away from me because she left my line of sight.Her heavy sigh and brief tskcompounded my feelings of inadequacy and my body tensed. Again, theurge to cry, hit something, or yell itched at my skin.

Iwaited, though, because it was what I was commanded to do.

Thenext part of this particular ritual should have been for her to movecloser to me, not farther away, so I was confused. My brain spun onthe potential things she was doing, and I closed my eyes, attemptingto relax and forget everything else. A few deep breaths later, myshoulders had slumped the tiniest bit, which I became sharply awareof when I felt what I assumed was the lick of the crop against myright side.

“Simplybecause I walk away does not mean you can disrespect me with poorposture, Edward.”

Hervoice was sharp – much sharper than the instrument of pain andpleasure she'd used – and full of anticipation, which gave me ashred of hope that our night would not just involve punishment.

Thenher body was in front of me again, shoes visible, her scent lingeringaround me.

“Goahead,” she said.

Liftingmy head, I placed one kiss at the apex of her thighs, right over herpanties. “I'm sorry, Ma'am,” I said quietly.

“Youwill be, Pretty Boy,” she whispered back.

Ibit my cheek to keep from smirking; even while punishing me, shenever lost her playfulness. I didn't need to see her face to know herwords were spoken with mischief.

“Stand.”

Idid as she demanded, rising up to my feet again. The crop struck myclothing, the effect dampened by expensive cotton as she slapped itagainst the back of my thighs.

“Jacket,”she said.

Sparsewords were all she needed; pleasantries just a waste of time betweenus at that point.

Myjacket hit the floor and I tried not to wince at the thought of itcrumpled around my feet. The reminder of the expensive fabric made myface contort briefly, but I pulled my blank expression back quickly.It wasn't the time to think about money or worries. It was the timeto focus on her, on me, on us. On pleasure, after my brief tanglewith what I was certain would be pain.

Bellahummed as she moved around to the front of me and, using my tie as apulley, brought my lips to hers. I was already hard, already wanting,and so was she, apparently. My lips yielded to hers, just as theyalways did in that position, and I waited for her to extract her nextdemands from my body. When she was satisfied, she pushed slightly,causing me to almost stumble back. Almost.

“Shirt,but leave the tie on.”

Iknew she was watching me as each button slipped through the hole, andI admit, I enjoyed her attention in that way. In every way, actually.Being on display for her like that was intense and perfect. Only forher would I ever behave this way. Anyone else that had demanded suchthings from me would have gotten a mouthful of obscenities and likelya few gestures to complete the response.

Thefabric fell from my shoulders, hitting the ground with nothing but awhisper of noise as it joined my jacket. My anal-retentive sidemourned again.

Thecrop flicked at my exposed nipples, and I was brought back into themoment. It hurt, but not more than a slight sting, and the warmththat replaced it as it faded spread through my chest.

“Couch.”

AsI walked past her, she swung the leather against my ass. She followedme, swatting away as we walked. I liked knowing she was watching me,commanding me, bidding me to continue.

OnceI sat on the leather, I focused my vision on the coffee table. Shehad white rope, lube, nipple clamps, and a few other toys laid out.My body tensed and shivered. Nothing there struck me as punishmentmaterial, especially not while I was sitting, and that meant she waslikely headed for the psychological.

Fuckme.

“Hands,”she said.

Beforeshe began, the skin of her fingers slid against mine and the heatbetween us grew. I watched as she wound the rope around my wrists,twisting, turning, overlapping, until she was satisfied. She usedknots I have no knowledge of, and secured everything in such a waythat I didn’t second-guess her actions.

Whenshe finished, her hands moved to the zipper on my pants. She slid itdown slowly, the vibration of each tooth unhooking sending littlesparks down my cock. Without hesitating, her hand snaked beneath thefabric fly of my boxer briefs and brought my erection out.

“Ilove how you're always ready for me, my good boy,” she said, usingher other hand to angle my face up so that I was looking into hereyes. “Ready for your punishment?”

“YesMa'am,” I said.

“Good.This,” she said, bending to lick the small bead of precum from thetip of my cock, “is all mine. You are to sit, stroke, and watch,but not come.”

Shedidn't bother to ask if I understood – they were simple enoughinstructions.

Asshe picked up the nipple clamps, I watched her body. She was litheand fit, but round in the right ways. I wanted to bite her hip andbend her over the couch, fuck her senseless, but it was her turn tobe in charge, not mine. My patience would be rewarded, I knew.

Irealized she was going to use the clamps on herself, and almostwhimpered. I wanted them, needed the pain of them digging into myskin. As she attached each one around her plump, pink nipples, I bitmy lip, mimicking the slow burn of intense throbbing she was no doubtexperiencing.

Shereclined in the chair next to the couch, propping her boots up on thetable. The stockings she had on went up to the curve of her thigh,attached to garters. My eyes kept scanning up, soaking in the spaceof bare flesh from the top of her panties to the bottom of her bra. Ihadn't even noticed her other hand shift and move until I felt thesting against my thigh.

“Whyare you not obeying my orders? Do you not want to please me andapologize for your error?”

“I'msorry,” I said quickly.

Myfingertips surrounded sensitive skin, but after a few strokes, Irealized I'd need lube or some assistance if I was going to keepgoing. If I had lube, though, I'd come too quickly. I decided to gripthe base of my cock and slowly stroke over the top, hoping this wouldbe acceptable to her.

Movingmy eyes from my own body back to hers, I watched as her fingers slidbeneath the material of her panties. She slouched further, kneesopening wider, and moved her other hand to join the first. Frompractice, I knew she'd be burying several fingers deep inside herselfas her other hand worked her clit, and my body twitched at thethought. Frankly, I was glad I couldn't actually see it, fabrickeeping most of her hidden, my mind building the sight from memory.

Asher head fell back onto the chair, I watched her breathing. I knewher intimately, carefully, and I could tell she was already havingtrouble holding back, practiced as she was in the art of withholdingher own orgasm. Watching her reminded me of the times I had herbound, gagged, taking her to the brink repeatedly. God, I wanted thatso much, but knew I needed this more right then.

Herlegs tensed, and I watched her mouth with greed as the most salaciousnoises and words fell from it. My own muscles contracted, holdingmyself back from joining her as she came. I wanted to be between herthighs, licking and teasing her, the one to provoke her orgasm. Atthe very least, I wanted to tug on the chain between the clamps, aidher efforts however I could, but even that wasn't allowed now thatI'd disappointed her by forgetting.

Punishment,indeed.

Morelike torture – watching her, smelling and hearing her, but nottouching or tasting her. Fucking in our house, even making love, hadalways been a highly sensory experience for both of us, even beforewe dabbled.

Ittook everything I had to sit and stroke and wait, and she knew it.

Whenthe smile appeared on her face, I knew she would soon withdraw herfingers, allowing me to taste her. I anticipated it, serving her andlicking her hand clean, and my mouth watered. Glistening fingersappeared before me and I instinctively leaned in with an open mouth.Except, she didn't push them in, as she had so many times before.Instead, she fucking winked at me as her own lips wrapped around thefingers.

Mine.

Mybrow furrowed at being denied.

Shelaughed, knowing what the look on my face meant, knowing how much herdenial had frustrated me. She was so fucking good at this game.

Straddlingmy lap, her body forced my hand to stop, everything becoming slightlyawkward and uncomfortable for me.

“Didyou want a taste?” she asked, her head tilted to the side, wordsteasing.

“Yes,Ma'am.” I could tell my own voice was deflated, defeated.

“Hereyou go, sweet boy. Clean them up.”

Fingersinvaded my mouth before I could comprehend she'd put the other handin. How I'd forgotten she had two hands involved was beyond me, but Ididn't give it much thought as my tongue slipped over her skin,bringing as much of her into my mouth as I could.

Asfast as they'd slid in, they were gone.

“Goodjob,” she said, moving back off my lap. “Stand up, drop yourpants, and bend over the back of the couch now.”

Movingquickly, I did as she asked, my task made more difficult without theuse of my hands to help balance my actions. Once I was over the couchand had fumbled with my pants enough to get them semi-removed, Iclosed my eyes and waited, willing my body to relax. I heard therattling noise of chain and assumed she was removing the clamps fromher body, and again, pleasure shot through me as my brain relived thesensations she was sure to be feeling.

Shedidn't bother to tell me how many strikes I would receive, nor remindme of my infraction. The first blow was a warning – gentle andright at the fleshiest part of my ass. I could tell from the angle ofwhere she stood and the intensity of it that she was using a paddle.

Icounted them in my head, hoping she wouldn't give me too many, butaccepting that she'd give as many as she wanted – as many as shefelt I needed. The first few stung, and the last few genuinely hurt.I was grateful that it was Friday and I wouldn't have to explain tomy co-workers why I grimaced each time I sat.

Aftereach swat, the physical pain seemed to overlap my self-deprecation.Each time it hurt, it felt like penance. If I could pay there, remitmy anger and moments of self-hatred in exchange for each strike, Iknew the pleasure that waited for me on the other side would beincreased tenfold.

Thecool skin of her palm pressed against the hot, stinging flesh of mybottom and I winced. She rubbed, watching my face, no doubt listeningto my choppy breathing.

“Ismy toy ready for more playing?”

Bellaknew what her words did to me, and as soon as I heard them, my entirebody stiffened. I was more than ready, especially since her tone andword selection meant we'd moved beyond punishment.

“Yesplease,” I said.

“Bed,naked, on your back.”

Mysmirk was hidden from her, thankfully. I toed my shoes off where I'dbeen standing, letting my pants fall away from my body as well. As Iheaded to our room, articles of clothing were carefully stripped offwith just my fingertips, landing wherever they landed; I no longercared. I climbed onto the bed, flopped on my back, and did all Icould to be patient. My thoughts were filled with her, naked andabove me, panting below me, next to me and spooned against my body.

Whenshe arrived, she placed one boot up on the edge of the mattress andslowly slid the zipper down. Once the leather was gone from her foot,she wiggled her toes at me and I obliged her silent request, kissingher toes. The other boot disappeared similarly and then the stockingswere carefully removed. Finally, she was down to her panties and bra,and she moved to straddle my face.

Stillbound, my hands were positioned at my groin, and I fought not totouch myself as she pressed her pussy against my face. She movedhaphazardly, grinding and seeking her pleasure from me as quickly asshe could, reminding me with her words just how much she loved usingme for her lascivious needs. I nipped and licked, trying to move thefabric away so that I could taste just her, but it was no use. Asshe'd said, I was her toy and she would bend me to her will, playwith me as she saw fit, and use me however she wanted. How we bothneeded her to.

Withher perched above me and my torso lifted to reach as much of her as Icould, my lower half pressed into the bed painfully. It hurt, but Iwanted to please her more than I cared about the pain, so Icontinued. Watching her bounce, her whole body alive and vibrating,made me want to be inside her more than ever. I was ready to giveanything to be able to fuck her. She could have asked me for whatevershe wanted and I'd gladly have given it, and more.

Iwatched as she came, felt her against my tongue as her clit pulsed.Her fingernails dug into my scalp, fingers tightening around my hairand whatever else she could grab onto. That was what I lived for,right there, in that moment. The power I felt, the usefulness, theneed. In that moment, all of my feelings of inadequacy from beforeeased, and my purpose was so clear to me.

Sheslowed, fingers loosening their grip, body easing away from my face,and my own breathing came easier as she did. As she moved down mybody, writhing all the way, I used my fingers to the best of myabilities. Smiling down at me, she laughed and kissed me once shecould.

Whenshe reached my hips with hers, she straddled me and sat up. Herfingers worked quickly, undoing the knots, then unwinding the ropebinding my hands. As the air hit my slightly damp skin, I tried notto shiver. Once I'd wiggled my fingers, I looked up into her eyes. Iwanted to touch her, fuck her, prove how good I could be for her.

“Soon,”she whispered, pressing her lips to mine again.

Afew more teasing moments later, she'd settled herself hovering overmy length, then pressed her body down. I laid still, keeping therules in my mind, and watched as she fucked me. My fingers tingled,almost trembling with the need to do something other than rest at mysides, but my brain over-ruled them.

Shemoved faster, and my hips screamed to thrust up into her. I moved myfingers to the edges of my body, connecting the skin to skin andpraying this would help my self-control. I kept my eyes open,watching her, hoping it would ease the ache of wanting to touch –if my eyes could lay against her skin, maybe it would be enough. Itwould have to be, for the moment.

Herhand wrapped around my wrist, then pulled my hand to where we joined.It was a small concession on her part, but it thrilled me that sheallowed me to be helpful in this way, again. The tips of my fingersplayed with her, not teasing exactly, but exploring for a briefmoment before falling into the rhythmic pattern I knew she loved.

Feelingher come around me and knowing I couldn't wasn't as difficult as ithad been in the beginning of our play years ago, but still tookeffort and concentration. My legs tensed as my self-control woundtightly again, and I waited for her orgasm to subside.

Aquiet, content hum vibrated through her chest, now lying directlyagainst mine.

“ShouldI let you come, sweet boy? Or should I make you wait a few days?”

Shewas teasing, we both knew, since there was no agreement beyond thisspan of time between us, and she'd never torture me by making mewait, but the thought of it, the idea that she held such power overme, almost made me come in that instant.

“Please,”I said. “Please don't make me wait.”

Iloved playing her game by her rules, and she knew it.

Aftershe caught her breath, she bit at my shoulder where her mouth rested.

“Makeit good, Edward.”

Andthat was my cue.

Inthat space, I never failed. I was never a losing lawyer or aforgetful husband, I was only an expert lover. A sometimessubmissive. Perfection.

Oursize difference worked to my favor and I gripped her hips tightlywith my hands. Hard and fast, I began to push into her and pull back,almost the entire way out. I felt raw in every sense of the word,physically, mentally, spiritually. I was open and exposed to her morein this moment than most times in my life.

Aboveme, she trembled, she moaned, she almost begged. Almost. She knewthere was no need, though, because I'd never stop until she wassatisfied. Her hand slipped between us and sooner than I would havethought possible with the previous three orgasms, she was whisperingprofanities.

Mygrunts weren't even something I could control, the frustration withholding everything back simply escaping vocally. When she finallytold me I could have my orgasm, my movements became even more franticand erratic. I held her tighter, pulling her whole upper body tomine, then moving my hands back to her ass. It was only moments laterwhen my own orgasm tore through me, like my entire body was on fire.It was, I suppose, on fire for her.

Itook in the brief few moments after my orgasm and before we'dseparate and basked in them. My wife, my mistress, sometimes mysubmissive, always my lover – she was gorgeous in each of theseroles. These private moments between us were priceless to me.

Wehad our rituals and routines post-play, and as we went through thesteps, we maintained a physical proximity. I knew how she felt after,thanks to our many discussions, and she knew how I felt. We easedeach other's pain and quieted the at-times screaming anxieties, justas we'd done in the previous hours with our play.

Afterwe'd bathed together, grabbed a snack as we talked quietly in thekitchen, and then snuggled beneath the comforter on our bed, thequiet wrapped around us. I smiled, and I knew she was smiling too. Wewere lucky to have found each other, lucky to have been able to behonest with each other about our needs, and lucky enough to have thepatience to give to each other.

Yes, Mistress - Chapter 11

2011-09-29T17:26:00.000-07:00

A/N: This story is finally back, and Edward shall suffer no more. ;) I am sorry for the extended hiatus, and I appreciate your patience more than I can say. Thank you to my beta, TwilightMundi, for being so speedy and amazing. I expect this to update on Wednesdays, as usual for my stories.

I own nothing except my dirty little mind. All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

"I think so, too. You may help him with his orgasm."

"Thank you, Mistress."

BPOV

Edward and I made eye contact and shared the tiniest smile before my eyes moved lower. Much lower.

He was just as he'd felt – thick, long, and very hard. I knew the smallest movements would set him off, so I was careful with my touches. I wanted a sliver of time to have him all to myself before the night was over and he left.

I carefully dragged my nails up the length of him, licking my lips as I remembered the taste of him. I knew if I bent to my knees and took him in my mouth, though, he'd come in my mouth – against the rules – so I resisted the urge.

Edward brought his body as close as he could, leaving barely enough space for me to wrap my fingers around his cock. My lips tingled to touch his. I gripped him harder, pulled faster, and laid back, ready for what I knew was coming.

My eyes never left his body, watching intently as he came all over me. Normally, I thought it was kind of gross, but in that moment, it was sexy. I wanted as much as I could get from him. My hands didn't leave his dick until I was sure he was finished.

Mistress laughed lightly in the background and my eyes flicked up to hers.

"That didn't take very long, Pet," she said with a smile. "You must be good at that."

I lowered my head a bit as I felt my cheeks flame. "I'm pretty sure you're good at what you're doing as well, Mistress."

Yes, it was speaking out of turn. Technically, she could have punished me, but there was some strange vibe in the room and I had a strong feeling she needed to hear that her presence was vital.

"Edward, grab a washcloth from the bathroom and clean up both of you."

"Yes ma'am," he said. His fingers were resting on my thighs and as he pulled them away, his skin dragged against mine, one last reminder of him searing into my skin.

In an uncharacteristic move, she bent and kissed the back of his shoulder. My eyebrows knitted together. Her eyes were focused lower, withdrawing her implement, I assumed. Once she pulled away and moved to the bathroom with Edward, I relaxed a tiny bit.

Whispers were carried in tiny slivers into the main room, but I couldn't make out any particular sentences or words beyond small clips of orders and acknowledgments.

Edward brought a warm washcloth back with him and carefully, lovingly, cleaned me up. When he was finished, he put the fabric in the hamper and stood, waiting for his next order.

"Than you, Edward," Mistress said. "You've been a very giving and obedient toy tonight. I hope you enjoyed yourself?"

"Very much, ma'am."

"I'll talk to you in the morning, then. Goodnight."

He turned and got dressed, the smile never leaving his beautiful face. As he walked through the door, my focus turned back to Mistress, and I caught that funny look in her eyes again.

"Ready to go upstairs, Pet?"

"Yes, Mistress."

She held her hand out to me, and neither of us bothered to put our clothes on before leaving the room and re-entering our lives.

Rose was spare with her words, more quiet and contemplative than usual, and it made me nervous. I knew better than to push her; she'd talk to me when she was ready, but I still made sure to show her the caring and consideration I always did post-playtime. In our bath, we drank wine and listened to quiet music. We relaxed and held hands under the water. We almost fell asleep.

After we realized how exhausted we were – it was well past two in the morning by then – we drained the tub and curled into bed. My brain wouldn't shut down, an endless stream of worry and anxiety over whatever it was Rose was thinking. She didn't seem to have any trouble falling asleep, though, and I breathed a little easier when I heard her light snore and she pulled me closer.

In the morning, the sun warmed me. It took a moment to realize I was alone, but then I opened my eyes and tried to peek around for her. I smelled coffee, so I knew she had to be around somewhere. Stretching, I contemplated rolling over for more sleep. My thoughts were interrupted by her peeking her head around the corner.

"You're up," she said, wide smile on her beautiful face.

"Mhm, I am." I stretched again and yawned. "Whatcha doin'?"

"I was just making breakfast. Well, more like brunch at this point," she said with a laugh. "Hungry?"

"Fuck yes."

I was suddenly energized by the thought of a breakfast made by her, with her. She'd slipped on a nightgown and I watched the way it swirled around her body as we walked into the kitchen.

When our plates were piled ridiculously high, we sat at the kitchen table and shared a nervous smile.

"So, last night..." I started.

"I already checked in with Edward," she said. "He seems good. He thanked me about twenty times."

"Rose, you know I love Edward, but that's not what I care about right now. Are you okay?"

"Me?" she asked, face contorting. "Sure. I'm fine."

"Yeah?"

I wanted to believe her, but there had to be more. It couldn't have just been that easy, not with the funny looks and strange way she was so … tender with him.

"Do you... Are you..."

I started and stopped so many times in my head, managing to do so out loud only twice. It was like my brain wouldn't send the message to my mouth to form the words.

"Am I what?" she asked, scooting a little closer. "Damn, now I'm worried about you. Are you okay, B?"

She covered my hand with hers and her body shifted toward mine, which made me smile.

"I'm fine, I promise." I knew the only way I could spit the words out was to close my eyes and say them as fast as I could. "DoyouhavefeelingsforEdward?"

"Fuck," she said, blowing out air along with the letters. "No, I don't have feelings for Edward, weirdo. God, I thought you were going to tell me you were leaving or something."

"No, I mean, I love Edward, but I don't love him. I'm not leaving you until you push me out the door," I said for emphasis. I meant every word of what I'd said.

"Not gonna happen," she said, popping a bite of blueberry muffin into her mouth. "You're just stuck with me."

"Poor me," I said with a dramatic sigh. "Stuck here, lost in your love forever. How will I go on?"

Laughing, we went back to eating and the mood lightened for the rest of the day. I could still sense something nagging just under the surface of her, though, and sure enough, the heavy mood from earlier crept in under the dark of night.

"What would you think if I..."

"If you what, baby?" I asked, squeezing our hands.

"What if I wanted that?"

Out of context and with no framework, I had no clue what the fuck she meant.

"Want what?"

"What if I wanted to be with a man?" she asked, hesitating. "Just once. Just to see what it's like."

It was kind of adorable, the way she was clearly so self-conscious and nervous. For fuck's sake, she could have done anything she wanted downstairs.

Then I let her question roll around a little more as I thought about it. I wasn't really sure how I felt, and I told her about my concerns.

"I think it would be good for you to experience it, you know?" I said, reassuring her. "I think if you want to do it, we should. Just don't leave me out, please. I want to be there. And it might be weird if it's Edward. Wait, do you mean like, fucking, or do you want to sub for someone?"

"I... I don't know. I don't think I want to be anyone's bottom, especially not in a situation like that. I'd want to be in control, for sure. Just, the way he looks at you, and the way you look when he's inside you. I don't think I've ever seen you look that way."

Her wanting to be in control made sense to me, but the rest of it? Total nonsense.

"I love you, Rose. I love you so much. Just tell me what you need and I'll give it to you. Maybe we can go to a party and meet someone open to playing with both of us. But trust me, the way I look at him? I don't know what you see, all I can tell you is what I feel and what's in my heart. You. You're the one person there. If you wanted to stop playing with other people, I'd agree in a heartbeat."

"I love you, too. I'll think about it more and we can talk again."

Several weeks went by. I got nervous when Rose didn't bring the topic up again, nor did she seem to want to visit the playroom with me. Nothing else seemed off – she was still just as affectionate as ever, and open to my advances as well, it was just … something wasn't right.

Rose had agreed that we'd go to a few of the local parties and see if we could find the right person. Of course, I had no idea what that person would look like. Did Rose have a type? Did she want a pretty guy? Did looks even matter, for these purposes? I wondered if there was a way to check out their pants while being discreet.

The first party we went to was mostly a bust. There were a lot of men there, but none of them captured Rose's attention like she'd wanted. Edward was there, so we hugged and hung around him most of the time.

Something about that party must've jarred Rose, though, and I wasn't sure if it was good or bad until I saw my ring sparkle in its holder the following Wednesday. Joyful didn't even begin to cover describing our night.

The second gathering we went to was at the same home I'd met Edward all those years ago. I smiled as we walked around and I remembered playing there with him, although he wasn't there that night.

A deep baritone voice brought me from my musings with a greeting.

"Hello," the stranger said, a youthful grin on his face.

"Hi. I'm Bella," I replied, putting my hand out for him to shake.

"Bella," he repeated. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed, and I laughed. I wondered if guys like that still really existed, and decided they must – my proof was in front of me.

"Having a nice time?" he asked, leaning closer to look into the room at what I'd been watching.

"I am."

Suddenly, I worried about where Rose was. I looked around, remembering she'd wandered to grab something to drink. In the corner of the room opposite ours, she was leaning against the wall, smiling at me. One of her eyebrows quirked, and the side of her mouth lifted in a half-smile.

"HIM?" I mouthed, nearly frantic and panicking. She'd sent him over? She'd seen him and wanted to know more? A thousand questions raced through my mind.

Rose nodded, then brought her Diet Coke can to her lips, taking a long sip. Her smile grew and when she lowered the can, she mouthed, "Yes?" to me.

She was giving me the option to veto, and I wasn't sure yet. The guy next to me was … young. Certainly younger than Rose and me. I needed to know more from her, to ask her all the questions lingering, but when I made a move to walk to her, she shook her head.

Clarity set in – she was making the call, but giving me an out.

At this point, the muscled man standing inappropriately close to me brought his fingers beneath my chin, tilting my face up to his.

"Please say yes," he practically whispered.

Share the Love Contest

2011-09-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm a judge in this fabulous contest -- Share the Love -- and I wanted to make sure as many people know about it as possible. If you don't write, beg your favorite writers to enter! Be sure to read the rules carefully, as we're looking for true poly stories, so bring your characters and let's get it on.

I'd love to see some (gasp) non-lemon stories that tackle some of the angstier sides of being in a poly relationship. Okay, I'm lying. I want lemons in those, too.

If you need some picspiration or prompt/pairing ideas, be sure to follow us on twitter or tumblr.

Paper Moon - Chapter 25

2011-09-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

A/N: My sincere thanks to TwilightMundi for doing her usual beautiful beta job on this chapter, as well as the whole story. Words fail me, my sweet friend, but I giggle at the email we exchange, look forward to hugging you again sometime soon, and am grateful for your presence in my life every single day.

To my pre-reader, a feistyginger, "thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it, starfish. I would double tap with you any day. Thank you for everything.

The workday was long, and I cut out early, just after sending email to Edward to let him know he could do the same. I was eager to hear about Jasper's therapy session, and had asked him to check in with me after it. I called Alice to keep me awake on the drive home, and I wasn't at all surprised when her smiling face greeted me in my driveway.

"I love you," I said, practically collapsing in her arms.

"I know you do."

BPOV

The first week was difficult for Jasper, but once he found a routine that included therapy, he seemed to settle back into himself.

There were good days and bad days. Days when Edward stayed at Jasper's overnight because we were both worried. Edward and I grew so much closer through our shared concern, in fact. We would text each other and email or talk at work, trying to figure out what kind of a day Jasper was having and make sure that we were there for him.

Alice moved in to my house slowly, bringing some of her things here and there over a few weeks. The four of us moved her couch, then hung out for pizza, beer, and a movie.

Weekends became a ritual congregation of the four of us – six, when Rose and Emmett joined our group. I couldn't quite figure out what was going on between Rose and Emmett, but they seemed to be dating. I'd tried to grill Rose several times, but got nowhere. It was the first time I could ever remember her keeping details of a relationship private.

After a long week, I'd left work early Friday afternoon. I stopped by the grocery store and picked up everything I'd need for that night. I wanted to surprise Alice with a romantic dinner in.

I was in the kitchen slicing mushrooms for dinner when I heard the front door open and close. Alice. Jasper had taken to actually knocking again when coming over, after the last time he'd come in unannounced and walked in on Alice and me on the couch.

I heard the soft click of her heels on the floor as she made her way to me and smiled. I continued my knife work, focusing on not slicing off a finger while daydreaming about her, as the sound got closer.

My shoes had long been kicked off, so when she approached me from behind, we were at basically the same height. I felt her warmth press into me, hands wrapping around my waist, palms flattened against my skin the entire time. Her lips curled around the lobe of my ear and I closed my eyes and set the knife flat on the cutting board. Her hands slid up my torso to cup my breasts, thumbs extended and teasing my nipples to aching points.

"What's for dinner?" she asked softly, more breathing the question right into my ear than anything.

I shivered. "Nothing if you don't stop that."

I tilted my head back onto her shoulder and soaked in her light laugh as it escaped her mouth in waves. Alice kissed my neck gently, her hands never stopping their attention at my breasts, rubbing, rolling, pinching, caressing. I was going to be a puddle of goo on the floor soon, if she kept this up. Maybe that's her plan.

She flattened her palms once more and gave my breasts a final moment of attention before she stepped back slightly and ran her hands up my back to my shoulders.

"Baby, you are too tense. Long day?" she asked.

Her hands were working magic and I let out a soft moan. "You have no idea," I sighed.

My hair was pulled up, standard for when I was cooking. Alice reached and released the clip, allowing my hair to drop down softly over my shoulders. Her fingertips traced a light path up my neck and tangled into my hair. She began to gently scratch my scalp then switched to half massaging with the pads of her fingers and half scratching. I braced myself against the counter with my hands, even more of my muscles going slack against my will.

"I'm so glad it's Friday. Aren't you?" Alice was speaking in that teasing tone that I knew meant trouble. Lots and lots of great, fun trouble.

I mustered all of my strength and turned around to face my love, her fingers creating a mess in my hair as I did so. I wanted to tease her back, so I lightly brushed my hands up the front of her body, knuckles sliding over her nipples, until her face was in my hands. My lips brushed hers, both sets still closed. One of my hands played in the hair at the nape of Alice's neck and the other was on her shoulder.

My lips pressed into hers again, just as lightly as the first time, then I rested my head on her shoulder.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Ali, I just had a long day. I worked on a tough case and it was very emotional." I took a deep breath, willing away the tears. What was this woman doing to me? Six months ago, I never would have let a case make me cry... that anyone would know of.

"Whatcha got goin' on in here, baby?"

Alice's hands slid down my back and were rubbing soothing patterns. I closed my eyes and hummed in appreciation.

"Carpet picnic," I smiled. Alice loved our carpet picnics almost as much as I did.

"Oooh! What are you making?" she asked.

"Mushroom turnovers. I wasn't expecting you home so early. Hey, why are you home so early? Don't you have a class to teach tonight?"

My mouth met hers again, the soft skin of our lips dancing together. She let out a gentle sigh and smiled against my mouth.

"Veronica agreed to pick up the class tonight; she needs all the extra classes she can get. I missed you. You've been so busy at work and it feels like we haven't spent any time together in a while," she said. Laughing lightly, she continued, "I guess you had the same idea. Anything I can help with?"

Alice trailed her kisses down from my mouth across my jawline and to my neck. She licked and nipped at my collarbone and then swiped her tongue across the exposed swell of my breast.

"You're not helping with that, I can assure you," I moaned. "Actually, if you want to help, do you think you could run out to the liquor store? I only realized we were out of red once I got home and I need to get these going or we'll never eat... Augh... Alice, sweetheart, you have to stop, please," I begged.

Shamelessly begging for my girlfriend to stop loving me so she could go run an errand. What in the fuck is the world coming to? Once I realized the errand was in the name of some naked, wine-laced carpet picnic time with my hot girlfriend, I felt a little less white bread about it all.

Alice gave me one last kiss on the lips before making her way back out of the kitchen, car keys in hand.

"Be right back." She winked as she walked back through the hallway to the front door, locking it from the outside behind her.

I put my hair back up in my clip and returned to chopping then sautéing my mushrooms and onions. While they happily cooked on the stove, I got out one of the trays we used to serve each other breakfast in bed. Putting a serving platter on top, I began to arrange my various foods. I took the brick of goat cheese and sliced it into half rounds, then brought out the small wheel of brie I had in the fridge.

I got the grapes, strawberries, and raspberries out. I washed the fruit and arranged it around the cheeses. I grabbed one of the creamy milk chocolate bars from the pantry and broke it into squares, dropping them around the edges of the platter. The last thing I added to the tray was the bottle of honey.

I smiled and began assembling the turnovers. After I put them in the oven, I got out a corkscrew, cheese knife, a few napkins, and some wine glasses, taking the tray of food into the living room. I set everything up and went back to the kitchen when the oven beeped. I turned it off, took the turnovers out to cool, and took the glasses and corkscrew into the living room.

Once I plated the turnovers, I took them to the platter in the living room, then took the honey cap off, allowing the slow drizzle to flow onto part of the brie and goat cheese, leaving some plain. I couldn't help it, I let a tiny drop fall onto my finger and sucked it into my mouth, closing the lid with my other hand as I thought about the night ahead.

Before Alice got home, I wanted to quickly change into something far more comfortable and far less publicly acceptable. Once I picked out the lingerie from the closet, a white flyaway babydoll with a subtle black floral print and matching panties, I undressed and changed. I walked barefoot back to the living room and started a fire in the fireplace, then got out as many tea light candles as I could find. I lit them, as well as the pillar candles we had all around the room.

After I had the music on, I turned the lights off and reclined on the couch. I pulled one leg up into a bent position, took the clip out of my hair and laid my head on the arm of the couch. I pushed open the main part of the lingerie I had on and rested one hand across the back of the couch and the other on my stomach. I listened to the soft sounds of our favorite playlist drifting from the iHome.

A few songs played, but my lips lifted into a broad smile as I heard the key in the lock and Alice walked through a moment later. The paper bag sliped from Alice's hands as she took in the scene around her; thankfully, she was able to recover and not drop the wine.

Alice set the bag down at the end of the table and crawled on top of me. Her hands were still cool from being outside and her fingers ran a cold trail up my exposed skin. When she got to my stomach, she leaned down and kissed me, her tongue dipping into my belly button briefly. She moved to cup my breasts and I arched my back up off the couch and let out a soft moan.

"How did I get so fucking lucky?" I breathed.

She leaned down to my ear and kissed just beneath my lobe. "Oh, you haven't gotten lucky yet tonight, love, but don't worry... we're going to get there. Over and over, I suspect."

I could feel the weight of her body rest against mine as she moved to kiss my lips again.

"Hungry, baby?" I asked against her lips.

"You have no idea."

I giggled at the double entendre. We'd been deprived of each other for too long, that was for sure. I took her face in my hands and smiled, stroking her hair softly as I spoke. "Let's eat first, okay?"

"Okay," she sighed, defeated. "It looks good. Thanks for fixing this up."

Alice took my hand in hers and helped me off the couch. As soon as we were standing, I

took a long look at what she had on and realized we sort of matched; she had on a black and off-white blouse with a black cherry print, black slacks, and black heels. It was slightly conservative for Alice, but I knew she'd had a meeting with an important client that morning, so she needed to look professional.

Once I had helped her out of her clothes, down to her bra and panties, I slowed down and enjoyed the scene before me. Alice loved sexy undergarments and could make even the simplest things seem sexy, but what she had on underneath her clothes was downright hot.

I put my hand at the base of her neck and brought her in for a kiss. Without her shoes, she was back to being slightly shorter than me. We laid down on the ground, platter of food within arm's reach, and I opened the bottle of wine.

"Standard carpet picnic rules?" she asked.

Laughing, I nodded. We'd previously set down guidelines that during carpet picnic time, neither of us was allowed to eat by our own hand – everything had to be fed by the other person. It made for a much slower dining experience, but intensely intimate. It was the perfect way to reconnect.

As we drank glass after glass of wine, we fed each other small bites, nibbling and licking at fingers, our bodies unconsciously shifted closer. When a drizzle of honey fell off Alice's finger and onto my collarbone, I suspected it wasn't entirely an accident, but lost my train of thought when her lips and tongue made quick work of removing it. After the wine spilled down into the cup of my lingerie, I gave up all pretenses of eating and carefully nudged her onto her back.

I sat up and removed my nightie, then slid her panties off. The lovely buzz I had from the wine helped me to be relaxed and leisurely, and I nipped at the inside of her knee, then kissed her thigh softly. I wanted to tease her, to extend this time and bubble of space we'd created.

Skipping where I most wanted to focus my attention, I kissed the round softness of her belly. A lump formed in my throat as I thought of her past, and of our future together, but I quickly push it aside. Nibbling at the slope of her hip, I moved my mouth side-to-side all along my path up her body. Once I was straddling her, I undid the clasp of her bra and removed it from her body. As beautiful as she was in the lingerie she cherished, she was fucking gorgeous out of it.

"Don't look at me like that," she pled quietly. Her eyes were closed, head bent, and I could see her discomfort written across her face.

"Why not? You're gorgeous, Alice. Look at me, baby."

She did, opening her watery eyes and staring into mine.

"Gorgeous," I whispered. "Let me make you feel as sexy and loved as you are."

Maintaining eye contact, I bent and kissed her body again, and again, and again. When I wanted to move lower, I threaded our fingers and maintained contact that way. As my mouth worshipped her, her fingers tightened and released around mine. I made slow, steady swipes up the length between her lower lips. My mouth wrapped around her clit and my tongue slid along the sensitive skin as I pulled away.

I looked up at her again, her eyes trained down at me, and winked slowly. Alice laughed lightly, then squeaked a quiet moan out as I went back to what I'd been doing. I worked carefully, keeping her at the edge, the space when she took on sort of an ethereal glow from what we were doing, until she'd finally had enough. Her hand left mine and one was on either side of my head, a near death grip as she held me directly over her.

Our bodies worked together, her hips lifting her body to my mouth and tongue. Her fingers curled in my hair, tugging beyond gentle, as her body tensed and her breathing halted. My eyes moved to her again, watching her face contort in the sweetest of bliss. I hummed against her, overwhelmed with the sights and sounds of her, unable to release the feelings I had any other way.

Watching her chest heave with exertion, I sat back for a moment and let the image of her sear into my brain. I wanted to always remember her just this way – happy, sated, as pleasured as she could be. Alice's hand reached out for mine, and as she pulled me to her, her body wrapped around me.

Lying there with her, the quiet hum of the fire burning and nothing else, my mind quieted. All the stress of the day, the needs everyone placed on me, it all fell away. There was nothing but Alice and me, and that was perfect.

"Alice," I whispered, "will you marry me?"

Her voice was infused with the tipsy qualities I was used to after we'd exhausted each other. "Sure," she said.

"I don't mean that as a theoretical, you know," I clarified. "I mean marry me. Let's wear white and have a big party and beautiful babies."

I smiled, knowing Alice could never resist parties. Or babies.

"You want to?" she asked, her voice cracking. "Really?"

"Yeah. I want that. With you."

For several days, we didn't talk about it again. At Sunday brunch, I made up an excuse to leave Alice in the backyard with Hannah and found Carlisle and Esme.

"Hey you two," I said. "So, I don't know if Alice mentioned it, but I asked her to marry me the other night."

They both look startled, and I laughed. "I guess not. Well, that's okay, it was kind of spur of the moment and informal. I wanted to ask you for your permission, even though I know it's weird. I found a gorgeous vintage ring and I wanted to ask her again after we eat. You just mean so much to me and I love your family. I want everyone to be there, and..."

Esme didn't even let me finish my sentence, she just crushed me with one of her infamous full-body hugs. I could hear Carlisle chuckle in the background and the smile on my face was huge.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Let me see the ring," Esme said, pulling back from our embrace.

I shook my head and smiled. "Sorry. You know I love you, but I want Alice to see it first."

"You girls," she laughed.

Everyone was there and as we finished our plates and Esme began the coffee presses, my heart began to race. I reminded myself that this was our family around us, and took a deep breath. When Esme was back and the coffee had been poured, we began our usual banter around the table. I listened for a few minutes, waiting for my opportunity, and finally there was a lull.

Alice had been looking at me and I took her left hand in mine.

"Alice, I've been in love with you from the first moment I met you. Will you marry me?"

I didn't want to waste time recounting all of the reasons I loved her, nor was I that sort of person. Most of the reasons were deeply private, and she knew them already.

The ring sparkled in its box when I opened it. It was exactly as I'd remembered, cushion-cut diamond in the center, surrounded by smaller stones.

"Of course!" she practically shouted, leaping from her chair and throwing her arms around me.

The next three months of planning passed in a blur of activity. I thought there was no way wedding planning took more than a few days. How wrong I was.

To add to the stress of wedding planning, we knew we wanted to start a family right away. Of course, we figured it would take a few months to get pregnant … it wasn't as if we were doing things the conventional way, after all. Poor Edward and Jasper tolerated us calling them at all hours to make sure they weren't cheating and having sex or masturbating. Alice kept reminding Edward she needed his good swimmers.

Everyone was shocked when I was pregnant the second month of trying, three weeks before the wedding.

My stress levels almost shot through the roof when I started feeling morning sickness at all hours of the day. I wondered how in the world we'd hide the information from Carlisle and Esme until we were back from the honeymoon. Alice didn't want anyone aside from the boys to know about me being pregnant before the wedding date, which made me laugh incessantly. It wasn't like we could get accidentally pregnant.

She was far less stressed than she could have been about the whole thing, though. When the day arrived, we spent the morning lounging and drinking coffee together after a small breakfast. The only tradition she was insistent on was that we not see each other after we started getting ready, so the morning was spent loving each other. I was glad we'd gotten dressed again in some lounge clothes when the boys showed up.

During the drive, I made sure to go over everything I had on my lists. When we walked through the Cullen house, I was a little overwhelmed by the scope of it all. Of course, we knew how grand it would be, but with only a handful of guests, I hadn't expected things to be quite so lavish. I should have known better.

I made sure to give Alice a parting kiss that would keep her swooning until I saw her again before Jasper and I walked to the other side of the house. Rose and our mom were already there and waiting. We spent a few minutes sipping the champagne Esme had left us (I just lifted the glass to my lips, not actually drinking) and talking about how our lives had changed over the last twenty-four months.

Sometime around mid-afternoon, Alice texted me to ask if I'd seen Edward. When I said I hadn't, I could tell from her response that she was working herself into a tizzy. I giggled, then left Jasper to go find him.

Edward and Emmett were in the backyard and I approached cautiously, then realized they were talking about weddings. When Emmett made a comment that someday he and Rose would be at the altar, I almost passed out. I hadn't realized things were so serious, but at the same time, my heart soared. I'd grown to really enjoy Emmett.

Back with Jasper, we talked about what the early stages of pregnancy had been like so far. Even though I wasn't showing, I was grateful for stretchy pants. I briefly considered getting into my dress, but it was too early still and I wanted to stay comfortable as long as I could. We turned the TV on and relaxed a bit more. When Edward came in, he had a box in his hand. Hugging me, he whispered that it was a gift from Alice, then handed it to me.

The boys left to change and I gave them shit about not getting distracted. Those two were almost as bad as Alice and me.

I opened the box carefully, then felt tears well up. Inside were handmade coupons for a few trips to the spa, and a gorgeous watch that was engraved on the back. There was also a card from her where she reminded me how happy she was, how perfect she thought things were going, and how much she looked forward to seeing me full-bellied, and then making memories of us with our baby.

Our baby.

The thought took my breath away for a moment.

I sat, grateful to be alone, and took deep breaths. My mom and Rose reappeared shortly after.

"You okay? Ready to get into your dress?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, I think so," I said, smiling at her. "Help me get this on first?" I asked, handing the watch to Rose. She helped me with the clasp and I smiled as I watched it twinkle on my wrist, catching the sun.

"Can you take this to Alice?" I asked Rose, handing her a wrapped rectangular box. "It's a necklace."

We shared a look and Rose hugged me so tight I couldn't breathe. Somehow, she just knew. Of course, if Alice opened the birthstone necklace – one for each of us, and one for the projected due date of our baby – in front of her, she would get confirmation.

My dress was ecru-colored and made of soft, swishy silk. It was mostly simple and easy, not fussy, exactly how I wanted it. The top was fitted corset-style, and I just hoped I wouldn't spill out and give our guests more than an eyeful.

As my mother slowly tightened the back of my dress, she leaned in close to whisper. "You're glowing."

"Am I?" I hedged. "I must be really happy."

Renee laughed, and I'd never been more happy to have her drop a subject. Before she turned to walk away, she added a whispered congratulations. I reached out to grab her hand, then pulled her into a tight hug, tears leaking from my eyes unexpectedly.

"Thank you for being here," I said. "I'm so glad you came."

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world."

"Okay you two, no messing up our make-up!" Rose admonished, back from her task.

With a nervous laugh, we split apart and dabbed at our eyes with the Kleenex Rose handed us.

"Ready?" my mom asked.

I nodded. "Where's Jasper?"

"I'll go find him," my mom offered.

Alone with Rose, I smiled at her as we shared this moment of memories that would last forever.

"You gonna be next?" I asked, smug smirk on my face from having overheard Emmett.

She just shrugged and turned light pink. It was perfect.

"Okay, okay, here I am," Jasper announce as he entered the room. "Let's get this show on the road! We've got ladies to hitch together. Renee, Rose, why don't you beautiful ladies lead the way. I'd like one last moment here with our bride before I walk her down the aisle."

When we were alone, Jasper faced me and took my hands in his.

"This is it, B. Did you ever think you'd be getting married?"

"Hell no," I said with a laugh. "Did you?"

Jasper smiled at me in a way that spoke so much more than words ever could.

"Are you ready?"

"So fucking ready, you have no idea," I said.

He extended his arm to me and I looped mine through. As we approached the French doors, we exchanged one last look before he opened them and we walked through.

"Thank you for this," I whispered to him as we walked.

Jasper's voice was strained, his voice tight with emotion. "Thank you for the honor."

At the end of the aisle, he kissed each cheek, squeezed my hands, then let me go to stand to my side. When the music changed, my heart fluttered. I couldn't wait to see her. I knew she'd worked tirelessly on her dress with Esme, and I wanted the night to be perfect for her. For us, really.

Carlisle looked fabulous in his tuxedo, but my girl was drop-dead gorgeous in her dress. When she walked, the candles and lights around us sparkled against the bodice. The skirt flared all around her, twinkling and moving with each step she took. I barely remembered to breathe.

The entire ceremony, although I knew it was short, left my head as soon as it was over. I remembered Carlisle joining our hands, and saying my vows and hearing hers, then kissing her when Emmett pronounced us married.

I remembered the flame-like sunset that embraced us in our new life.

I remembered the way her eyes flitted so quickly to my flat stomach as we stood in front of everyone, joined forever.

I remembered dancing with her and sharing a private laugh as we whispered about the first time we'd danced together.

A/N2: Yes, that's it. That's the end of this journey. I can't thank you all enough for joining me – for the waiting during the hiatus, for reading femme slash, which isn't a popular genre in this fandom, and for trusting me to tell these stories. I want to hug you all. And cry.

I felt it was only right to end on a Bella/Alice chapter, since that's who I began this story about. Edward and Jasper would never have even played a starring role if my former co-writer (NaughtyPastryChef) hadn't begged. I'm so glad she did. I hope you are, too.

I'm hoping to post the first/next chapter of Yes Mistress next Wednesday, but don't shoot me if it takes an extra week to edit and catch up. After YM, the TTH sequel will begin.

Paper Moon - Chapter 24

2011-09-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

A/N: Thank you to the gorgeous women that help me with this story – TwilightMundi and afeistyginger.

"It's all my fault," he said, head still shaking slowly.

"What's your fault?"

I tried to unfurl him, to invade his space and help ease his physical pain even if it was just the tiniest bit, by pushing myself into his bubble. It was no use. There was a muffled sob, and then two words I never expected.

"He's dead."

EPOV

My hands rubbed across his back.

"Who's dead, Jasper?"

"Stephan."

I knew the name – that this was the teenager Jasper had been so worried about before we'd left. As I struggled with how to comfort him and which questions to ask, there was a knock at the door.

"Bella," Jasper whispered.

Disentangling myself from him, I walked to answer the door, but apparently didn't move fast enough. A second, louder knock jarred and frustrated me. I was doing the best I could and moving as quickly as possible.

I couldn't form any words when I had the door open. What was I supposed to say, I wondered. Her eyes went up and down, capturing the fact that I was fully dressed as she asked what was wrong.

I still couldn't even begin to think of what to say to her.

"Jasper?" she asked, facial expression changing drastically from one of annoyance to one of despair.

When I nodded and opened the door, she ran in, Alice's hand linked with hers. I closed the door and walked back to the room, then sank to the floor beside Jasper. He moved from Bella's arms, shifting closer to my body, so I opened my arms and held him. My chin rested on his head, eyes closed, as I thought about how I might be able to help.

I whispered to him that we'd get through this together. We had each other. He didn't have to be alone and I'd be there for him no matter what. That night, I held Jasper closer than I ever had before. His lips were sticky and swollen against mine as he kissed me, full of need and desperate for reassurance. We didn't take it any further than that, just a long and slow kiss now and then.

The rest of the weekend felt like a haze in my memory. I knew that on Saturday morning, Jasper had gone to spend time with Bella and they'd fallen asleep on the couch in her room. We all went to Zumanity that night, but I spent more time watching Jasper from my peripheral vision than I did watching the show. The fountains at the Bellagio were amazing. Jasper was standing next to me and I couldn't help but hum along with the songs I loved so much as they played.

I realized I'd never played piano for Jasper, and decided to correct that at the next Sunday brunch. My parents were storing my piano I'd had since I was a child until I had a more permanent place to live and my fingers suddenly itched to play. I wanted to weave a beautiful song for him.

When we arrived back in Salt Lake the next morning, I knew we'd be parting for several days, but I didn't want that at all. Bella drove us back from the airport and we hugged her and Alice goodbye, then walked to Jasper's house.

"Come in for a bit?" he asked.

I nodded and followed him inside to the living room. Jasper sat on the couch and I slid into the spot next to him, both sets of our feet up on the coffee table. At least our shoes were off.

"You know, they're like my kids," he said quietly.

"I know," I said. "You take such good care of them."

Jasper's fingers threaded with mine and we spent the next few minutes sitting quietly together. Eventually, he got up and put in a movie. We laughed and laughed, and I was so glad he seemed to be okay.

"Wanna call for pizza?" he asked as the credits rolled.

"Yeah, that sounds perfect. I need to go after we eat, even though I don't want to."

I could see the disappointment on his face, but he didn't ask me to stay, and I had to at least stop at my place to grab work clothes. Had he asked, I would have stayed in a heartbeat. I could have gone home and come back, but I wasn't sure if he needed privacy and space or what.

Our pizza was quickly demolished and I was home and doing crap chores long before I'd wanted to be. We texted each other until I crawled into bed and he said he was doing the same. I told him I wished it was the same bed, and he sent back a smiley. I never knew how to interpret that. Did it mean "I wish that, too" or did it mean "no thanks"?

Monday was bleary and cold. Bitterly cold and uncomfortable. I bundled up even more than usual and texted Jasper. When I didn't hear back from him, I lingered around Bella's office, in case she wanted to ask me something or tell me she'd heard from him. We had a few conversations, but both focused on our work. I internally swore, but knew if she wasn't freaking out about things, I shouldn't be either. She knew him so much better, and for so much longer, I rationalized.

After work, I tried to call Jasper, but it went straight to voicemail. I was biting my thumbnail and pacing when I got a text from Bella, which was quickly followed by her calling.

"Have you heard from him?" she asked, voice full of panic.

Shit shit shit. I knew I should have gone by his house to check on him.

When she told me she was getting dressed to walk over, I was already in my car. The worst that could happen was she'd find him with his cell charger cord broken and perfectly safe at home, drinking a beer and watching the Sports Channel. The worst case scenario I didn't want to think about, but also didn't want to deal with over the phone.

I broke so many traffic laws that it was a miracle I didn't get pulled over on my way to them. I had to get there. I had to see with my eyes that he was okay.

"Bella, did you find him?" I asked, turning onto their street. I could hear her muttering to herself but couldn't ascertain what was going on.

When she told me about the empty bottle of Patron, I'd been putting the car in park in his driveway. I could still hear her talking to him, begging and pleading, definitely crying, and I began to pound on the door for her to let me in.

"Bella!" I shouted through the phone. "Bella, open the door, please!"

Once I was inside, we ran to Jasper's room and the first thing I did was check for a pulse.

What the fuck did you do, Jasper? You told me you were okay...

"Wake up, Jasper. Can you wake up?"

I kept shouting, angry and hurt, confused and upset. Tears sprang to my eyes without permission as I realized how much this whole picture reminded me of so many nights I'd helped Alice with Sasha. God, please don't let Jasper go down that path, I prayed.

When Jasper began to slur and talk, I finally felt my heart beat again. He said he could see two of me, and I wanted to tell him both versions would be kicking his ass in the very near future.

I didn't want Jasper to be unresponsive and require us to call for help; I hoped he'd just wake up and vomit. I was grateful when he was able to stand, making his way to the bathroom with our help. When he finally threw up, I felt relief wash over me. The night wasn't totally in the clear, but it was a step.

After several hours and a very thorough toothbrushing, Bella and I walked him back into bed. She whispered she was going to leave, and just as I was nodding, Jasper asked for her to stay. Once we were all three settled into the bed, Bella and I talked for a bit.

In the morning, I was glad when I woke up and saw Jasper still sleeping. He was breathing. He was there and okay. I stretched and got out of bed, walking to the kitchen to make coffee. I smiled as I worked in his kitchen, so many small reminders of him around me, then carried a mug to each of them once it was ready.

Jasper and Bella were both very happy to see the coffee, and Jasper demanded I crawl back into bed with them. He said he was sorry, but it wasn't that easy. I needed him to know how serious I was.

He told me he was going to see a grief counselor and that eased my fears. Jasper was smart; he'd been through similar situations with patients and he knew what needed to be done. I was glad he was on the right path and hoped that one night was simply a fluke.

~%~

Over eighteen months later, as I sat on the edge of his bed watching him dry off after our shower, I thought back to that night. You know those moments that solidify things? They either make or break you – as a person, as a friend, as a lover. Those first few weeks after Stephan were like superglue for Jasper and me.

True to his word, he began grief counseling. It wasn't always easy, and so much more than just handling the suicide came out during those one-hour meetings, but I watched as Jasper found himself right in front of me.

"How're you feeling today?" I asked.

"Great," he said. "I can't wait to see her at the end of that aisle. I know it's going to be a fantastic."

I nodded and smiled at him. It was going to be amazing.

"Think we should go help?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. We'd delayed entering the chaos long enough. And, I was pretty excited, truth be told.

Walking to Bella's house, we talked about what the afternoon and evening would entail, going over each detail again. We were in charge of a lot and though I'd made a mental list, I wanted to make sure we didn't forget anything.

"The caterers are already there, right?"

"Mhm," Jasper said, squeezing my hand. "Stop worrying."

As if I could.

He knocked at the door, then turned the knob and pushed it open. We laughed when we spotted Bella and Alice on the couch in their pajamas, as if it was just a normal Saturday.

"Ladies, how is it that we're more stressed about this day than you?" I asked. "Get up, lazy-asses."

They stood up and hugged us, shrugging and laughing.

"We were just going to head over," Alice said. "Carpool?"

"Of course," Jasper said, smiling at her.

Over the last year, they had grown so close. It made my heart soar. The four of us had spent countless hours together and were almost our own family unit.

While we drove, Bella rattled off the list of things she had going on, and I smiled at our similarities when it came to conquering tasks. When we arrived at the site – my parents' house – we gasped at the number of vehicles already there.

"Jesus," Bella muttered, having never been subjected to our family's version of a celebration before.

"It'll be okay," Alice reassured her.

I opened the door and stepped inside. A small intake of breath was all I could manage at the sight as I looked around once I'd made it to the main area of the home. There were huge white tents set up in the backyard and tables scattered around. It wasn't cluttered or cramped, just the right amount of seating for both the event and the space. On each table, there were vases with gorgeous white flowers and candles.

It was impressive and gorgeous, fitting for their personalities. Jasper and Bella left for the other side of the house.

"Ready, Maid of Honor?"

"Baby, if you call me that one more time, I'm going to be forced to tackle you and tickle you until you pee. I don't think you want that on your wedding day, do you?"

"Just be glad I didn't ask you to wear a dress," Alice said, laughing.

We walked back to my parents' bedroom arm-in-arm; it was what our mother had dubbed Wedding Central, and where Alice would get ready. Her dress was hanging from one of the posters of the giant bed frame. They'd worked on it for the entire three months of the engagement, spending late nights and weekends slaving away. Even on the hanger, it was gorgeous – off-white, silk, and had lots of sparkly things.

"You're going to look like a princess," I said.

She turned and smiled at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing me hard.

"Thank you for everything."

For the next few hours, I was at Alice's beck and call. I fetched her food when she was hungry, figured out where the makeup person was when they weren't five minutes early, and did my best to calm her nerves. I'd never been so grateful to see Emmett in my life, when he arrived upstairs.

After the obligatory hug, we sat out in the backyard on some of the folding chairs.

"How come you guys aren't doing some kind of big gay double-ceremony shit?"

I laughed; Emmett never did hold back.

"Do you really think Alice would have let anyone steal her thunder?" I asked.

"Good point," he said, tilting his head to the side. "But if there was anyone she'd let share this day with her, it would be you. You two are … so close."

The pain in his voice was small, but so clear.

"You know she loves you, too. Why aren't you up there with Rose?"

Laughter boomed from him. "Oh, I will be." He smiled wide and genuine. "Someday, brother."

Apparently Jasper wasn't the only person benefitting from therapy.

A hand on my shoulder startled me.

"Sorry," Bella said. "Alice is texting me to ask where you are. She says you've been gone for hours,"she said, eyes widening dramatically, imitating Alice perfectly, "and she needs help with something."

Standing up, I turned and faced Bella. "She's texting you?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "She still insists on not seeing me. Or me not seeing her. Whatever."

"I've been gone like ten minutes," I said, rolling my eyes. "But thanks, I'll go see what she needs."

Alice was still in her pajamas when I walked into the fray again, but her hand was smoothing over the front of the dress.

"Where have you been? Mom's going to help me into my dress in a minute," she said. "Do you think you could take this to Bella? How much time do I have left?"

Her questions were rapid fire and I put my hands on her shoulders to steady and calm her.

"Chill, Alice. You have a little less than an hour. Of course I'll take your gift to Bella."

When I told her the amount of time left, she almost melted beneath the weight of what I knew was excitement and anticipation. The wrapped box moved from her hands into mine and she pushed me on the shoulder.

"Go," she said, shooing me. "I need to get my lingerie on and I know you don't want to be here for that."

I shuddered at the idea, and then my brain involuntarily slid into the two of them together in bed and I almost gagged.

On the walk to the other side of the house where Bella was, I passed my mom, hugging her. She started crying and I just handed her a tissue from the pocket pack of Kleenex I'd learned to be armed with.

"Sorry!" she said. "I'm just so happy!"

She was literally bursting with happiness, I could tell.

"I know, Mom."

We went our ways, and as I approached the room, I heard Bella and Jasper talking and laughing. Their closeness never upset me anymore. It was just another facet of Jasper I'd come to deeply understand.

"Okay you two," I said once inside the room. "Time to start getting serious."

Neither of them was dressed or ready and I just shook my head. I knew Rose had done Bella's makeup and hair, but she was probably off with Emmett now that it was done. It was the only part of Bella that was ready for what was about to occur.

The way she'd relaxed and grown into her own the last year had surprised me, but in the best way possible. I knew Rose and Bella's mom was there somewhere, but I hadn't seen much of her after we'd been introduced the night before at the family dinner.

Handing the wrapped gift to Bella, I hugged her quickly, whispering the box was from Alice, then stepped away to Jasper's side.

"Wanna go get dressed?" I asked him, wiggling my eyebrows.

"Uh, yes," he said, his hands quickly finding my body.

We left Bella to open her gift in private as we got into our tuxes.

"No funny business, boys!" Bella shouted after us. "There will be time for that later."

Jasper and I exchanged a look and eyeroll, but once behind the closed door of my childhood bedroom, I began to wonder if I could just get one quick naked moment with him. My clothes were off in record speed and I lifted my arm to look at my watch, then decided I couldn't risk it. There would be time later.

When I turned to look at him, the sight knocked me stupid. We were both wearing the same basic, black tuxedo, but he looked fucking amazing – like he just stepped out of a billboard or a movie.

From the look he was giving me, I imagined he was thinking the exact same thing.

Unfortunately, someone at the door reminded us we were needed elsewhere. It was Renee, Bella and Rose's mom, and she was searching for Jasper. I took that as my cue to find Alice, knowing people had already arrived and were seated. The ceremony was only minutes away.

"Mom, can I please escort you to your seat?" I asked when I found her standing next to Alice, wiping her eyes again.

"Sure, son."

Our dad was talking to Alice, making her laugh and cry as they got ready for the walk. The Walk.

A lump knotted my throat as I walked with my mom down the white fabric draped over bright green grass. When she was seated comfortably in the front row, I let go of her hand and walked inside.

Back with Alice, I gave her one final hug. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be. Does she look amazing? Is she glowing? Is she nervous?"

"You'll see, Alice. She … You both look beautiful. It's going to be perfect."

She exhaled and looked temporarily relieved. "Well, get out there then, Maid of Honor. I'm ready to be a bride."

By the time I arrived at the edge of the French doors leading to the backyard again, I could hear the music playing. I felt dizzy for a brief moment, looking out at everyone waiting. Jasper had walked Bella down the aisle, then stood to one side of her, acting as her Maid of Honor. Rose was a bridesmaid, standing to his left. The soft strains of instruments called to me and I walked carefully to take my place on Alice's side of the arbor.

Emmett nodded his head at me once. He stood under the arch, waiting to officiate, with a mile-wide smile.

As the music changed, every eye turned to look at Alice as she made her entrance. She was radiant, matching the glow that came from Bella, as she walked down the aisle on our father's arm to her betrothed.

The ceremony was blissfully short. When Emmett spoke, he commanded listening. His words were beautiful and touching, recalling funny and touching events from our childhood and memories of Bella and Alice together. Sunset had just approached and the sky was lit with the fiery pinks and oranges of summer. It was the perfect backdrop.

Guests were ushered inside the house for appetizers as the tents were taken down outside. The entire space glowed with candlelight when we went back out, and I marveled again at how perfect it really was. After a dinner was served, a few dances, and cake, the brides left. They were off on their honeymoon and I was a little envious of their private time away.

"Ready to blow this popsicle stand?" Jasper asked after we'd done our share of dancing.

"I'm ready to blow something."

"That's what I'm talking about," he said, grabbing my hand and leading me out.

Of course we had to stop and say goodbye to all of our family and friends, but it didn't take too terribly long, thank god.

Inside his house, I pushed at his jacket, tugging his tie at almost the same moment. I couldn't get him naked and in my mouth, hand, or other parts, fast enough. I needed him like I needed air.

We fell onto the bed, a tangle of body parts – arms and hands reaching and pulling, legs weaving together and tangling, mouths crashing against each other. His lips pulled and pushed against mine, demanding and taking.

Jasper laid on top of me once we finally calmed down and found our rhythm together. He'd already put on a condom and dealt with everything he needed to.

He was smiling down at me. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said.

As his lips teased mine again, he leaned against my body and used one hand to guide himself into me.

There were no deep confessions, no questions or proposals, and that was exactly how I wanted it. With careful love, he pressed deep inside. Whispering and kissing, he pulled out and pushed in repeatedly. Our bodies were joined and his chest pressed against mine with each movement.

This was my bliss. Making love with Jasper, knowing how happy each of us was, just as we were, at that moment in time.

After a few minutes, he picked up his pace and I shifted my hips, taking him deeper. My hands moved to my cock, stroking in time with him.

"Harder," I whispered.

Jasper cursed and complied, driving into my body faster and harder. He was hitting exactly where it felt best and I closed my eyes, lost as we made love.

When I knew I was going to come, I reached over and grabbed a few tissues. As my body tightened, I felt him thrust even harder, seeking his own climax. I opened my eyes to watch, the sight of him coming one that I cherished and sometimes replayed in the dark of night or early haze of the morning during our time apart.

"Mmm," he hummed as his body collapsed onto mine, both of us spent. I welcomed the weight.

His lips found mine again and we kissed languidly for several minutes before we got up to clean ourselves. Smiles were exchanged in the mirror, glancing at each other without even meaning to, our eyes always drawn to the other person. We brushed our teeth, sharing the tube of toothpaste, and touching in small ways whenever we could.

Back in bed, the hum of the fan overhead seemed to be the perfect lullaby.

"Today was a good day," he said, voice full of sleep and love.

"The best," I agreed.

"Do you think your mom suspected?" Jasper asked as I drifted to sleep.

My lips stretched taught in a wide smile. "Not a thing."

We had found each other under the most odd circumstances. Our love had been tested, Jasper's life nearly shattered by grief. Our best friends fell in love alongside us, and we had become a family. It was an odd mix of characters for sure, but when I looked around the table at brunch the following Sunday, I was choked up.

This was my family, chosen and born, and I made sure to look at each of them as I stood up to speak, a slightly unusual move.

"I'm glad Bella and Alice are back, and thankful for their safe return," I said looking at them. "I don't even want to know what kind of unspeakable things they did, but I'm glad to see them so happy and luminescent."

My vision shifted to Rose and Emmett, sitting side-by-side, holding hands. "To love, and life."

My eyes swept to Jasper. "To forever."

Paper Moon - Chapter 23

2011-09-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

A/N: I cannot ever thank TwilightMundi enough for her help as my beta, and my friend. Thank you to afeistyginger, who didn't have a chance to pre-read because I was working on this until the last minute again.

It was dark and I couldn't really see her, but I felt as she moved above me, her body pressing into and covering mine.

"I'd love to live with you, baby."

BPOV

Saturday morning I woke up feeling awful. My eyes were gross and crusty, a sure sign I'd been crying in my sleep. I could also tell that the time I'd spent in bed was mostly tossing and turning, and not a ton of sleeping. With a sigh, I dragged myself out of the warm cocoon and into the bathroom. Lying in bed any longer was pointless, and I just risked waking Alice up.

I turned the shower as hot as I could stand it, the heat pelting my skin like a punishment. Leaning against the wall, I kicked my own ass repeatedly in my head. I should have been happy that Alice had agreed to move in with me. I was happy about that, I just couldn't help the nagging ache that I was being a terrible friend to Jasper. Had I been too selfish asking her? Should I have waited?

I had no idea what the protocol was for this situation or how the rest of our trip would be.

We were all supposed to go to Zumanity that night; would the boys even want to go? Should I bring it up? If they didn't, should we stay with them instead of going? They were both far more important to me than a Vegas show. Should we just go home early?

When my skin couldn't handle any more heat and I was clean, I turned the water off and climbed into one of the plush terrycloth robes hanging just outside the shower. After I wrapped my hair in a towel, I plopped on the couch and picked up my phone, typing out a text to Jasper. I knew him well enough to know he probably hadn't slept much either, and was likely awake.

How are you? I typed quickly, pressing send and hoping for the best.

As I waited, I quietly called room service and ordered two pots of coffee; one would never do, I could already tell.

Back at the couch, I saw Jasper's reply and immediately began another.

Yes, please come over! Alice is asleep still. Let's snuggle. Ordered coffee.

A few minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door. I had no idea if it was Jasper or the room service person, so I tugged my robe tighter. When I answered, it was both. The delivery woman put the carafes of coffee on the table, along with the cream and sugar, and promptly left. After we'd poured ourselves a mug, we sat together, snuggled up under a blanket we'd found in the closet.

The TV played as I curled underneath Jasper's arm, both of us sliding into a more horizontal position. Even though Jasper and I hadn't spoken about anything of consequence while he was there, I could feel the depth of his grief and it spilled into me. Our legs wound together and my eyes closed, lids heavy and chest tight with sadness.

When I woke up, Alice was tenderly touching my cheek.

"Hey," she said quietly.

Jasper was still completely asleep beneath me.

"Hey. What time is it?" I croaked, my throat scratchy and dry from the hotel room heating.

I moved slightly, trying to gracefully roll off Jasper, but failed epically. When my ass landed on the floor, I laughed a bit. Jasper's hands went to my shoulders, clearly stifling his own laughter.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, looking up at him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay. I should probably go."

"You don't have to," Alice said. "You can let Edward know that he can come down and we can all just have a low-key breakfast here, if you want."

My heart thumped in my chest. Alice's kindness wasn't entirely unexpected – she was always gracious and understanding – but it was overwhelmingly appreciated.

Jasper smiled and they held each other's eyes for a beat longer than usual. I imagined some sort of unspoken understanding between them, both such vital parts of my life and heart.

"Thank you, Alice. I think I'd like that."

He stood, stretching, and fished his phone out of his jeans pocket. I couldn't help but watch him as he sat back down, phone in hand, presumably texting Edward. His eyes were dark and his usually tidy hair was a disaster.

Turning my head to face Alice, I mouthed coffee to her, one eyebrow raised in question. When she nodded and smiled, I walked to the table and poured her a cup, fixing it exactly how I knew she liked it. The thought that she'd been in my life long enough to know these intimate details made me smile. Then I remembered she'd agreed to move in with me, and I had to contain the urge to jump up and down.

As I refilled Jasper's cup from the carafe, I pondered how to ask him a few of the questions I had.

"Do you want to go home?"

"No," he said a little too loud. "No, this is your vacation and we tagged on. If anyone's leaving, it's just me. Edward can hang out with you guys, right?"

Jasper seemed to be working through his thoughts out loud, and I wondered if he'd talked to Edward at all during the night about things. It was going to be even worse if he shut down and shut Edward out, that much I knew.

"Did you talk to him about that?" I asked. "I mean, of course he's welcome to stay and hang out with us, but I don't think he's going to want to do that, J."

Our eyes met as I set the carafe down and took a spot on the couch.

"I know," Jasper said, sighing. "Fuck."

There really didn't seem to be much else to say. No one knew what to do, or how to help, not even Jasper.

Edward showed up a few minutes later and we ordered breakfast, then ate, mostly in silence. The clatter of silverware and dishes was loud above our silence, and each sharp noise felt like it was stabbing my brain.

"I'm going to grab a quick shower and we can figure out the rest of the day, okay?" Alice asked, standing from her chair.

"Sure," I said, nodding.

"Do you need to go back to do any work?" I asked quietly, not sure how to broach the subject of if he needed to be with the family or anything. I had no idea what happened or what the procedure was when a child did such a thing in a facility like his.

"No," Jasper said quietly. "There will be an investigation, but it won't start until Monday at the earliest. I don't know if I could even face the family right now. I'd like to be there for the ..." Jasper trailed off, his throat clearly closing with emotion. "Nothing will happen until Monday, I'm sure."

"Do you want to stay, or do you want to go?" Edward asked. "Either way, we'll all be there for you."

I nodded, even though Jasper was looking at Edward. I knew that even Alice would gladly go back to Salt Lake without complaint, if it meant supporting Jasper.

"I want to stay," Jasper said quietly. "Does that make me a horrible person?"

Jasper settled into Edward's arms, well, as much as he could from the other dining chair. I watched as his shoulders shook and I felt strange witnessing such an intimate thing between them. Edward's eyes met mine again and he motioned me over with a small movement of his head. I took a seat on Jasper's other side, grabbing the hand that I could reach, and smoothed over his palm with my thumb.

I tried my hardest to make my voice as soft and loving as it had ever been, as I spoke. "It doesn't make you horrible, Jazz. We can stay in, or go home, or go out. Whatever you want."

"I might suggest you take a shower first, though," Edward added, tilting Jasper's chin with his finger. As they looked at each other, Jasper laughed a little, then nodded.

"You're right," Jasper conceded. "I smell terrible. Bella is a saint."

"I didn't even notice," I confessed. "But go on, you two. Go get a shower and come back fresh and clean. We can figure out how to spend the day then, okay?"

With a few nods and hugs, they left and I was alone in the silence. I decided to give Alice her gift, the mood having lightened between all of us considerably.

A few minutes after I set the package on the couch next to me, the bathroom door opened. Alice stepped out fully dressed, probably expecting the boys to still be in the room with me, and smiled.

"Hi."

"Hi," I said back.

We shared a quick laugh, and then she sat next to me. Her eyes drifted to the sash around the robe moments before her fingers fidgeted with the knot. As she hesitated, her eyes shifted to my other side, spotting the wrapped gift.

In a moment of ooh, shiny lack of concentration, she grabbed the box and began shaking it.

"Is this for me?" she asked, eyes wide and bright.

"It is," I said with a laugh. "But don't you want to go back to what you were doing first?"

Alice bit her lip and looked at me, a true look of conflict on her face.

I laughed again. "It's okay. Unwrap the box first. Then me."

Her fingers played with the pink ribbon, then pulled one end, untying it. The silk fell onto her lap and she hesitated before opening the box. It was too big to be a ring box, but still made her nervous for some reason.

The white box sat unassumingly inside, shiny silver logo staring back at her. She tipped the box, spilling the iPod box out into her hands.

"You got me an iPod?" she asked, her voice a mix of awe and something else.

"Yeah," I said. "Totally lame? I asked around, it seemed like the best gift people could suggest for you. You know, for the studio? I bought and loaded a bunch of music onto it. I can take it back, though, if you don't like it."

Her fingers touched my lips, silencing me. When she lifted her eyes to meet mine, hers were glassy and watery.

"This is the nicest thing anyone's ever given me," she said quietly. "Thank you."

"Alice," I mumbled against her fingers, "I'm pretty sure people have..."

She moved her fingers and replaced them with her lips, truly silencing me. The iPod box dropped to the ground and she covered my body with hers. My legs parted and she slid between them, pressing herself against me perfectly. She didn't bother to untie the robe, she just moved her hands beneath the fabric and pushed it to the sides. As she cupped my breasts, I pushed up against her, seeking friction. Her fingers and hands teased me, playing my body like only she could, as she kissed me sweetly.

Her lips trailed from my mouth over my chin and down the side of my neck. "Go get dressed before the boys get back," she said.

Alice kissed the space between my breasts, then used her hands to pull the robe closed again. She got off the couch, motioning me over to the bedroom.

By the time I was finished getting ready, Edward and Jasper were back. The three of them looked so relaxed, talking and laughing as I walked into the room.

"So what's the plan?" I asked.

"We're going to walk the strip for a bit, then grab dinner before the show," Jasper said. "We can sit outside and watch the fountains after. Sound good?"

I nodded and smiled.

That was exactly how we spent the afternoon: walking, talking, and laughing a lot. It was really nice to see Jasper lighten a bit. He seemed to genuinely be enjoying himself.

When we passed the Sugar Factory, we stopped in and bought way more sugary junk than was wise. We decided to indulge in a buffet for dinner that night before Zumanity, so we stopped at the Paris and over-stuffed ourselves. When it was time for the dessert round, we all ordered coffee to try and counteract the food coma threatening to take over.

The show was … interesting. I'd expected it to be laced with sexuality, as per the reviews I'd read, but it was so beautifully done and honestly, a little more tame than I expected. We discussed our favorite parts as we walked slowly back to the Bellagio. It was the middle of a water show, so we stood and leaned closer to our partners as we watched the rest of the show and two after. It was the perfect way to end the night.

Sunday morning, we were all exhausted and ready to go home. We gathered in the lobby after checking out and got some breakfast together. It was quiet, the mood somber. Reality was going to invade our lives again and we all knew it.

After touchdown, the drive back to our street was filled with the same quiet sadness. The city was cold and grey, snow clouds looming. Everything seemed brown and ugly, the way I was suddenly feeling inside. When it was time for Jasper and Edward to walk back to Jasper's house, I hugged them both tight.

"Gym in the morning?" I asked Jasper.

"Yeah," he said. "See you then."

He gave me a half-smile, but I didn't buy it for a second. I was glad, though, that he was going to attempt to keep a routine.

When Alice and I were inside, I asked her to stay the night, but she had too many things the next day and needed to do laundry. I argued that she could use my washer and dryer, but after a laugh and a kiss, she was gone.

Once I'd started my own laundry and dealt with packing my gym bag, I turned on the shower. After I stripped my clothes off and was under the warm water, I leaned against the shower wall, all of my strength evaporated. I wanted to slide down to the ground and sob for a few hours, like they show in the movies. The tears flowed heavy and thick, loud heaving sobs overcoming me.

Several minutes later, I composed myself... somewhat. Everything ached, my heart, my head, my eyes, but it was time to dry off and climb into my softest pajamas. I fixed myself a mug of tea and crawled into bed to watch FoodTV and try to get some sleep. My phone vibrated shortly after, though, and once I'd responded to Alice and told her I loved her and wished her a good night, I curled down as far as I could.

What would happen when we shared space and I felt like this? When I needed my own space to be dramatic and over-emotional? The thought terrified me.

As Chopped came to a close, the winner having been declared, my eyes fluttered slightly. I was thankful to be so sleepy, hoping a good night of rest would help. That was bullshit, though. Jasper would still be just as crushed in the morning and I knew it. My phone vibrated as my heart began to ache for what he was going to have to deal with, and I wondered why Alice was texting me again. I was surprised to see it was Jasper, asking if he could come over for a sleepover.

Of course.

After I'd sent my reply, I scooted to my side of the bed in anticipation of him. I could tell he'd walked, listening to him shrug off his jacket once he'd come inside the front door. When he got to my room, he smiled a tiny little smile and crawled under the covers. I managed to stay awake for another few minutes, my arms wrapped carefully around his body. He was so big, but he needed me so much.

I wished I could somehow take away his pain, but knowing I couldn't, was grateful he'd asked to come over. I could do this. I could hold him. I could listen. I could be his best friend.

When we woke up, we each got ready for the gym, then did our usual routine of sweating together. The sauna after was warm and exactly what I needed. We grabbed coffee, and with a quick kiss on my cheek, Jasper was gone. We'd barely exchange ten words the entire morning, allowing our comfortable ease with each other to take over as we moved and interacted in familiar ways.

"Call me if you need me, okay?" I'd said after my kiss back to his smooth cheek.

His quick nod and squeeze of my hand was the only answer I'd get.

I checked my email constantly, waiting to hear from him. Edward was in my office more than usual, and I could tell he was completely wound up as well. By the time I left work, I needed a big glass of wine and a hot bath.

Alice and I talked for a few hours, even while I was relaxing in the tub. When the topic of Jasper spending the night came up – it wasn't like I'd tried to hide it from her – I reassured her that we were just friends. She knew that, of course, but I also understood her concern. I was glad it hadn't been a huge issue for her.

After our call was over, I curled under my covers again and called Jasper. I hadn't heard from him all day and I wanted to check in on him.

When his phone went to voicemail, I sent a text.

When my text went unanswered, I sent one to Edward.

I couldn't wait, though, and I called him just a few moments after pressing send.

"Have you heard from him?" I asked, my heart feeling like it might pound out of my chest with worry.

"No," Edward said. "You haven't either?"

Shit.

"No," I said. "I'm going over there. Hang on, I'm setting you down while I put some clothes on."

My throat felt tight with unshed tears as I threw on whatever I had closest to the bed, slipped into my shoes, and nearly ran to the door.

"Fuck it's cold," I said as I walked quickly down the street.

"Supposed to snow tomorrow," Edward said quietly. "Hurry, please."

I understood exactly what I meant and picked up my pace.

I didn't bother to knock on Jasper's door, I just jiggled the handle. It was locked and I fished through my huge jacket pockets to find my keys.

Fucking Jasper, locking his fucking door in the safest neighborhood ever.

Finally, the door was open and I rushed in, frantically calling his name and looking around. I started in the kitchen and made my way to the living room. I could tell he'd been home at some point, and I wondered if maybe he'd gone out to get something. My brain was spinning a thousand miles a minute creating safe scenarios of where Jasper might have been, and why he wouldn't have answered his phone or my text.

When I got to his bedroom and saw him sprawled on the bed, I panicked. My chest burned with each breath I took as I got closer. The reek of alcohol was almost wafting off of him, it was so strong.

"Bella?" Edward asked. "Did you find him?"

I hadn't realized I'd been whispering to myself, worried about if he was passed out or dead.

"Yeah. Shit, Edward. There's an empty bottle of Patron on his nightstand. He looks … okay, just like hell. I think he passed out."

His body moved slightly as I spoke, but settled back against the bed quickly.

"Jasper?" I said, nudging and trying to rouse him. "Jasper, are you okay?"

I began cursing and tears fell from my eyes down onto his body as I shook him harder.

"Oh Jasper," I whispered. "What the fuck did you do?"

I'd forgotten about being on the phone with Edward until I heard a loud pounding on Jasper's front door. Through the phone line, he began to plead with me to open the door and let him in.

Running as fast as I could, I let him in and we both sprinted back to Jasper.

"I just think he drank too much," I said. "I don't see anything else."

I left what anything else might have been unspoken. I'd never, ever thought Jasper could have been capable of doing anything to harm himself before that very moment. The seed of doubt crept in when he hadn't answered my call, and only grew larger as I saw him lie in front of me, still warm but lifeless, just like in my worst fears.

Edward's fingers wrapped around Jasper's wrist, clearly feeling for a pulse. Why had I been so stupid and not done that?

Once he was satisfied with whatever it was he felt, he pulled Jasper's arms, lifting his body to a sitting position.

"Jasper, can you wake up?"

His voice was frantic and held so much fear, it scared me even more.

Edward's voice vacillated from fear to anger back to fear and desperation. "Jasper!" he shouted. "Jasper, wake the fuck up, please."

When I saw wetness streaking down Edward's cheeks, I felt helpless.

"Do I need to call 911?" I asked.

"I don't know," Edward snapped. "Sorry. I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. "Let's just try to get him up and lucid and we can decide from there."

Sitting on either side of Jasper, we talked and tried to get him to wake up. At some point, he began to move and slur. I wanted to both thank God and smack the shit out of Jasper.

"Jasper, wake up, honey," I said.

He mumbled a bit and lifted his head to look at me.

"Bellllllllllllllla."

"Yeah, J, it's me. Can you stand?"

"Don't want to stand," he said. "Want to layyyyyyy dooooownnnn."

"Jasper, how much of this bottle did you drink?"

"Edwarrrrrrrrrrrrddd," he slurred again, looking over at Edward. "I can see two of you."

"Answer me, please," he begged.

"Lots," Jasper said. "So good. Why are you two moving?"

"Bella, we need to get him into the bathroom. I think if he throws up, we'll be okay. If he passes out again, we should take him to the hospital. I don't want to risk alcohol poisoning."

Working together, we lifted Jasper off the bed. He continued to complain about the room spinning and moving, his body wobbling and swaying between us. Once we were there, Edward and I worked together to get him out of his work clothes and down his boxers. When Jasper started to complain about being dizzy again and needing to throw up, I left relieved.

It felt like he threw up forever, but with each heave, I felt more and more of my own ability to breathe returned. He'd be okay. We wouldn't need to go to the hospital. When Jasper could stand, we helped him back to his bed.

"I guess I'm going to go," I said quietly to Edward.

"No," Jasper groaned. "Stay. Both."

Edward and I flanked Jasper, and in the dark silence of the room, I let the tears slip from my eyes again.

"Edward, how'd you know he'd be okay if he threw up?"

"Alice has told you about Sasha, right?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"This is nothing compared to some of the nights I spent helping Alice with her."

"Fuck."

I thought I'd whispered it mostly to myself, but when he said, "Exactly," I just reeled.

My eyes began to close on their own, the endorphin rush I'd felt when I found Jasper having worn off, and I yawned.

"Goodnight, Bella," Edward whispered. "Thank you. For everything."

"Goodnight, Edward. Thank you for trusting me."

I knew exactly what he'd meant, and I hoped he knew just how deeply I was thanking him, in return.

In the morning, my entire body ached from over-exertion and sleeping in a tiny sliver of a bed. The only thing that saved the day was the glorious smell of coffee coming from Jasper's kitchen. I assumed it was Edward since Jasper's warm body was still snuggled into mine.

When I tried to leave, he pulled me back and I had a nanosecond of inner war again about whether I wanted to snuggle with him or punch him.

"You scared the fuck out of us," I said, giving in and letting him wrap his arms around me.

Jasper's voice was so small and child-like as he said, "I'm sorry."

A mug appeared on the nightstand in my line of vision and I looked up, meeting Edward's eyes. "Bless you," I said.

"You're welcome," he replied, quirking a brow in confusion.

"Get in here," Jasper said.

"There's no room," Edward replied.

"Fuck that noise," Jasper said. "You slept in here, crawl back in."

The bed jiggled as Edward complied.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said, turning to face Edward.

I followed, rolling and then shifting up on the bed so I could look at Edward's face.

"You can't do that shit, Jasper," Edward said.

I was glad he'd been less of a pansy than me.

"I know," Jasper said. "I have an appointment today with a grief counselor. I just ..."

He didn't need more words. We all knew. We all felt it. We didn't have to live through his experience to feel the deep grief and regret Jasper had.

"I love you," I said, practically collapsing in her arms.

"I know you do."

OneShot: Second Choices: CarlWard Contest Entry

2011-08-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.

Thank you to my beta, TwilightMundi, for giving this her magic touch. This was written for the CarlWard Contest.

Genre: Vamp/AU

Word Count: 4155

Summary: An alternate view of what happens after Carlisle turns Edward, and how they are both affected when Esme shows up.

For two hundred and thirty years, Carlisle Cullen had been alone.

Not really alone alone, but alone in the most important senses. Physically alone. Alone in his heart.

Sure, he'd met a few people that might have sparked an interest, but as the son of a pastor, he was raised with certain beliefs. Beliefs he desperately wanted to uphold. It was bad enough he'd been turned into exactly the kind of monster his father had taught him to destroy, but he found himself full of so many conflicting emotions once he was transformed.

For decades, he grappled with what his head and heart told him. He tried so many times to kill himself, to rid himself of the thoughts and desires that filled him. Nothing worked, and so he did the next best thing he could think of when it came to his food source and he consumed only the blood of animals, rationalizing it was no worse than what humans did. It took him centuries, but he perfected his own version of life and living, learning much during that time – about his new self, other humans, and life in general. He attended medical school, and became a doctor. A healer.

This life suited him well.

After an... interesting few years in Italy, Carlisle left for the New World, giving back to humans by being the best doctor he could be. The best person he could be.

He lived in Chicago and found himself enjoying his shifts at the hospital. There was great need for him during the flu outbreak, and he had a purpose. He was truly doing good work and saving lives. When he couldn't save them, he eased their final days.

When one of his patients, Elizabeth, had begged him to do anything to save her son, the look in her eyes telling him she somehow knew what he was – and was okay with it – he was conflicted. He'd seen the boy, Edward was his name, and had even admired his beauty. But turn him? He couldn't. He just couldn't.

Could he?

The thought wracked him with guilt. But she'd asked – she asked, even knowing what he was, knowing what Carlisle would turn her child into.

He waited until it was almost too late, until Edward had nearly succumbed to influenza. He waited as long as his conscience needed to be okay with it, but even as he leaned to bite Edward, a thousand questions flew into his mind. One of Carlisle's hands gently caressed his cheek, and he was tempted for a half-second to kiss his neck before his teeth sank into the flesh, but he withheld.

Of course, he panicked once the venom was in Edward's blood; they were out in a busy, open, medical area. What was he thinking? Carlisle rushed to get Edward onto a gurney and placed a sheet delicately over the young man before wheeling him away to what he hoped people would assume was the morgue. He'd seen the transformation in Italy, and he knew he had precious little time before Edward began to react.

Once Carlisle had him safely in the unused bedroom at his apartment, he knew the waiting would begin. Edward would endure three days of torture. There was no way he would leave Edward's side, having been the cause of his pain.

For three of the longest days of his existence, maybe even longer than the three during his own transformation, Carlisle sat by Edward's side. He waited, consoled, made small talk with no one. Edward's eyes pled with Carlisle to explain, to make it stop, to do innumerable unspoken things. Still, the man waited. He knew the ache would ease, the fire would smolder and then extinguish.

When it finally did, and Edward opened his blood red eyes and took Carlisle in, really saw him for the first time, he was scared. Petrified.

Carlisle sensed Edward's awakening, but wanted to be cautious. He had no idea of the boy's temperament, and until he could assess the situation, it seemed wise to be careful.

Everything was so much more, and he had no idea why. As he looked at Carlisle, he took in his stark blond hair, loose-fitting slacks, and what seemed to be a button-down shirt. The memory of who the man was itched at Edward's brain, but he still couldn't quite place it.

He'd remembered the man talking to him, but everything had been so tainted by the pain he'd experienced over the last … well, he had no idea how long it had been. He waited, very still, unsure how to proceed.

Slowly, Carlisle turned to face him. "I can tell you're awake," he said quietly. "Are you feeling all right?"

"I …" Edward sat up much faster than he anticipated, suddenly aware of his new body. "I don't know. What happened?"

Carlisle approached, placing one hand on the other man's back. "It's a long story, Edward."

"You know my name?" he asked, looking up.

The red of Edward's eyes startled Carlisle, and reminded him there was so much to explain.

"I do," Carlisle began. "I was treating your mother. She asked me to..." He paused, trying to think of the best way to explain.

"I don't understand," Edward protested. "I can see everything. Why am I here? Who are you? What have you done to me?" The questions seemed to never end.

Carlisle's brain was frantic with thought, and Edward couldn't understand why he could hear Carlisle when the man was clearly not speaking. It disturbed him, and he began to internally panic, but quickly figured out he was hearing thoughts. As he listened carefully, trying to sift through the jumbled mess of information, he realized that Carlisle had no ill intent, which eased his fears slightly.

Over the next few hours, Carlisle explained the finer details of what had happened and what they both were. For the most part, Edward was quiet, absorbing the information. It surprised Carlisle how he handled everything, actually; Edward already seemed beyond his years.

When they finally dared to go outside, the moment a scent crossed their path, Edward ran. As Carlisle fought to keep up with him, he thought about how startlingly fast Edward was.

Carlisle was just grateful he'd explained to Edward hours ago about animals versus humans, and so when the teacher caught up to the new student gracelessly devouring the blood of a coyote, he waited and smiled.

Of course, during the first few months, there had been at least one... incident. Carlisle didn't mind them, though, as it had been ages since he'd had so much fun with someone else. Running and chasing prey through woods, lying with a full belly and talking until nearly sunrise... and, then, he couldn't deny a certain reaction forming in his body when he'd needed to tackle and restrain Edward. The conflict between the blood, the lust, everything – it had begun to take its toll on them both.

Carlisle found himself above Edward, strong hands pinning almost stronger wrists to the snow-covered ground. Without thought, the man on top pushed his hips, rolling them with need.

"Why'd you run?" Carlisle asked, suddenly aware they were miles from humans.

The smirk on Edward's face almost gave him away immediately, but he decided to play coy just a bit longer.

"Sometimes it's fun to be chased."

They'd both grown accustomed to this mix of nourishment and charged sexual tension, so when Edward raised his hips to meet and press against Carlisle's, it was nothing new.

He wanted more, however, and Carlisle wasn't sure how to get it, or if Edward even wanted it. Hesitantly, he lowered his upper body, closing the distance. As his body sprawled and covered more of the man beneath him, erections sliding against each other beneath denim, he wondered what the reaction would be to a kiss.

The smirk on Edward's face seemed to grow and Carlisle was confused. He became afraid Edward's expression was one of mockery instead of an invitation to advance, and pulled back slightly.

Edward's hand, having slipped from beneath Carlisle's wrist, curled around the man's neck, pulling him closer once again, clarifying.

"Carlisle," he breathed, mouths almost touching each other. "There's something I have to tell you."

Utilizing his strength over the other vampire, Edward squeezed his thighs and rolled them. This was a unique position, and as they both turned, each thought about the differences in sensation and state of mind.

"What?" Carlisle asked. Their lips were touching now, skin to skin, and it felt sinful in all the right ways.

"I wasn't sure how to tell you before," Edward whispered. His mouth moved to the skin on Carlisle's neck and he paused, lips holding their place.

Somehow, this seemed easier if they weren't looking at each other, Edward realized.

As he spoke, his voice dipped halfway, and Carlisle had to ask him to repeat himself.

"I think I can hear your thoughts," Edward repeated. "No, I mean. I can. I can hear your thoughts."

Carlisle's first reaction was to jump and flee. The object of his most recent lust and affection had known all along?

But of course, Edward knew this, heard the thoughts as Carlisle thought them, and his hands wove around Carlisle's waist.

"Don't. Please," Edward whispered.

They stayed outdoors in the freezing cold for hours, locked in that exact position, talking. The snow fell on top of them, at first dusting and then completely covering them. When it became too much, buried in their own personal mini igloo, and finally free of their emotional burdens, they shook and moved, laughing.

They kissed and touched and loved.

They bonded.

Together, they grew as people. They played in the snow, and when winter ended, they enjoyed spring. During the heat of summer, they sprawled, usually naked, and soaked in as much of the sun as they could together. They would bring books and talk, reading and philosophizing, eventually ravaging.

Edward was prepared for centuries of this bliss. Carlisle was, too, until they'd moved to Wisconsin. The men decided it was time to move on from Chicago and settled into a quiet home together where no one would suspect much of anything. Edward kept to himself usually, aside from his night classes.

During a shift at the hospital, a strange sensation overcame Carlisle. He was so practiced at controlling himself, he almost didn't recognize it at first, but the pull nearly caused him to fall over. The pull of her. Her blood. Her body. Everything about her sang to him.

He had to treat her, even breaking protocol to do so. All it had taken was one moment in proximity, and Carlisle knew she was his singer.

Once she was gone, he became distraught. All those years in Italy had taught him nothing, he thought to himself as he began trying to figure out what any of it meant. Hadn't he known, learned firsthand, that fighting the pull of her was useless? Should he have just turned her right then? What if she never came back?

His distraction was evident that night at home, but he thought of everything but Esme.

His days were spent trying to figure out what he'd do. He loved Edward, truly loved him, but he knew this was something beyond love.

The guilt over the following months threatened to eat Carlisle up, and the mental anguish of hiding his singer from Edward was exhausting. He could hide it no longer when Esme was back under his care, this time for an attempt at suicide.

How could this beautiful creature want to end her life?

Carlisle's fingers traced her face, contorted and twisted in pain. When she woke, they talked quietly, details of her life spilling from her mouth as the tears fell from her eyes. It was all so much, too much for her. She was trapped, had no way out of a life of misery, and they both knew it.

Except that Carlisle did know a way out for her.

He'd be voluntarily ending another life, and he desperately wanted to seek solace in the arms of his companion for the last two years. He wanted Edward to hold him, to kiss him and comfort in the ways they'd learned, and he needed to know things would be okay between them. If he turned Esme, he could only hope she felt the same, and that they might forge a life together, maybe even with Edward.

He wrestled with the thought that Edward might leave. Or worse, Edward would leave and Esme would hate him, leaving too. He'd grown so used to the company, he thought he'd never have.

All of these thoughts blazed through Carlisle's mind as he walked home slowly. Around the mile marker he knew from practice Edward's range began, he shifted his thoughts. It was unfair, he knew, but he began replaying his fondest memories of his time with Edward.

By the time he arrived home, Edward was sprawled on the couch, nude, cock in hand. Most of the memories had been rather salacious, and Carlisle expected this reaction. Hoped for it.

Stripping his clothes carefully in the entryway, he watched the younger man carefully. They had spent years learning each other so intimately, he was sure Edward had known about the stress of what was weighing on his mind, but neither man had spoken of it yet.

Quietly and carefully, they coupled on the couch. It was intimate and intense, but exactly what they each needed. For Carlisle, it was a reminder of their deep, multi-level connection, and for Edward, it felt like the reassurance he needed that Carlisle hadn't pulled away from him entirely.

Face-to-face, they laid on the couch, bodies pressed together. Their hands roamed and touched, smiles on each of their faces.

Edward was so grateful for two things in that moment. First, that Carlisle couldn't read his thoughts, and second, that vampires couldn't cry. For if they could, he surely would have shed uncountable tears at the realization that Carlisle had let a whisper of a thought slip through during their lovemaking. Edward didn't know who Esme was, just that she seemed to be causing his love a great deal of pain, and he wanted that to stop.

As Edward's fingers laced through the blond locks above him, he whispered. He wasn't even sure he meant the words as they came out, but some part of him clearly did.

"You can tell me."

Carlisle's entire body tensed, shocked from its previous jelly-like relaxed state.

There was no way to hide anymore. The minute Edward had spoken and the words were processed by Carlisle, the flood of grief and guilt washed over them both.

This time, it was Carlisle holding so desperately to Edward.

"Please, don't go."

The men struggled against each other, rolling to the ground and then crashing into and breaking the coffee table.

All fight left Edward's body as he really listened to what Carlisle was thinking, and realized there was no use. There was simply nothing left to fight for. The man clearly loved him, but that wasn't enough.

Please, Edward. I need your help.

He'd never been so angry – so frustrated – at the ability to read thoughts, as he was right then. He wanted to put his hands up, shield his ears (as if that would help), and crawl into the nearest hole for a few decades.

For all of his overwhelming emotions, though, he stayed. He listened. He gave.

When Esme was turned quietly one night after being released from the hospital, Edward sat by her side with Carlisle. Edward held Carlisle's hand, the one that wasn't holding one of Esme's.

There was so much Carlisle had wanted to tell Esme, but it just hadn't been practical. There wasn't time to explain, and there just weren't words for some things.

After Esme's transformation, Carlisle took her on her first hunt. She knew what she'd agreed to become, but hadn't quite known what to expect.

Edward wanted to die. Even though Carlisle had told him all about his own transformation and his own trials in attempting suicide, so he knew it wasn't possible, he ached for it. He longed to be put out of his misery, escape the pain and anger and frustration. All he'd ever done was love Carlisle in the purest sense of the word, and now he was left with nothing. He'd been the second choice. Not good enough, not perfect enough.

As the couple walked back in, he was reminded that it wasn't nothing – he still had Carlisle in his life, just in a different capacity. And Esme? When he wasn't busy hating her, Edward had actually kind of grown to enjoy her company. It was tense and quiet much of the time Carlisle was at work, but she and Edward had learned to co-exist, at least.

Carlisle and Esme grew closer, never flaunting it in front of Edward, but you certainly couldn't hide everything from a mind-reader. Esme found herself daydreaming one afternoon after several years of the three of them co-habitating, and when Edward tuned into her thoughts, he stormed out of the house, angry that his former lover was now hers.

He tried, really tried, to adjust to the loss of Carlisle, but he was frustrated in the basest sense. As Esme and Carlisle's relationship grew more sexual, Edward's lack of intimacy only became more painful.

Through the years, the pain eased, but never disappeared. Edward was careful to never show it in front of Carlisle and Esme, not wanting to tarnish their happiness, but the other two knew. They both loved Edward deeply in their own ways, and even Esme had come to truly know and be able to read Edward.

One night, Edward had simply had enough. Esme had been slightly short-tempered with him and his brooding, and Edward knew it was time to go. He wasn't sure how long he'd be gone – a few months, or forever – he just knew it was time.

After a long talk alone with Carlisle, the young man ventured off on his own. He fancied himself something of a vigilante, cleaning the streets as he wandered. He was alone, desolate, and violating the one tenant Carlisle had asked him to uphold.

In a way, it felt good to violate his agreement with Carlisle in this way. He was angry, and each time he sank his teeth into the scum of society, not only was he doing something good for humanity, but it was like a giant "fuck you" to him.

Edward wallowed in this behavior, indulging beyond what even he knew was helpful. He ached some nights, body overflowing from the blood sloshing inside him.

It was nothing compared to the non-physical ache. It was the Great Depression, Edward had heard somewhere, and he internally bemoaned that the country mourned alongside him.

Very few phone calls happened between the two men, but each time, Carlisle quietly asked Edward to return. Only after a few years of his vagabond lifestyle did Edward even consider returning. It still took a few more to convince him that things could be okay between the three of them in close proximity again.

Something about the savagery of his time away had truly changed Edward. He felt like he understood humanity better, understood himself. He still wasn't pleased about the way things had turned out with Carlisle, but now, he'd overheard and seen so much of love, he had found a sliver of peace.

He had also, rather unintentionally, found his spectrum of lust broadening while he was away. Having spent many nights in bars and alleys, he'd overheard numerous vulgar things, but the quiet, delicate thoughts of women began to intrigue him. It wasn't that he hadn't had an interest in women before, but Carlisle had been his everything, and there had been no reason to explore any other facet of himself.

On the train to Wisconsin, in fact, Edward sprawled on the unnecessary bed, and found himself peacefully enjoying the thoughts from the woman in the room next to his. She was getting herself ready for a date with her husband, he surmised, and he listened to her frantic thoughts as she dressed. He could almost see it in his head, even though he'd never really seen a woman in the various states of undress, as she carefully rolled her stockings on, attaching the garters, and adjusting her other delicate pieces of lingerie.

Sure, he felt wrong "listening" to her, but he couldn't stop, not with his arousal increasing exponentially. When the couple made their way back to the room post-dinner, slowly making love, Edward touched himself for the first time. He could hear the man's thoughts about how soft and sweet the woman was, and Edward was curious.

Upon his return to the home he'd once loved, Edward found settling back in to be uncomfortable, but worth it.

He was grateful for the time Esme afforded the men to be alone, but was careful to never allow his thoughts to cross the line again. He'd resolved that there was nothing he could do to change how things were now, and acceptance was his only option; he'd grown to love them both too much to leave again.

The quaint charm of their "family" was shattered, however, the night Carlisle brought Rosalie home. Edward could hear the man's frantic thoughts and rushed to help him.

As they all three tended to Rose during her transformation, the idea of Rose and Edward pairing came up quietly. Edward didn't close himself off to the idea, but he was honest with Carlisle that he felt no pull to her, no connection.

"Love isn't about just having another body, Carlisle." Edward spoke quietly, keeping his head down as they waited with Rose. Esme had gone to hunt, each of them taking turns. "It's something deeper, more profound. You can't expect her to take your place in my heart just because she's now one of us."

I know, Edward. I'm sorry. I just thought... maybe...

"You thought wrong."

It was just three words, but Carlisle's hopes were dashed. He longed for Edward to find the happiness and fulfillment he had, but it wasn't meant to be. When she was fully a vampire, it became glaringly obvious to the four of them that there would be nothing between Edward and Rosalie, perhaps, they each worried at times, not even friendship.

When Rose found Emmett and Carlisle turned him, Edward's bitterness returned for a brief period. Well, brief in vampire terms.

The time out of the communal home allowed Edward more exploration of humanity, though, and he discovered different ways to channel his frustrations. He returned to his practices of voyeurism, practiced running faster, harder, longer, and dove into his studies again.

It wasn't until Alice and Jasper came along that Edward really returned to himself, and the family. Something about the little freak was compelling, and he found himself comforted by her presence. He wasn't attracted to her – God no – but he felt an intense kinship with her. Perhaps, Edward wondered, it was due to their physical ages being the same.

Regardless, their presence had been healing for everyone. Edward's pain eased further, and each of them grew into a routine as a family. They began to attend school together. It felt, dare he think it, normal?

Still, the first time Carlisle introduced himself as Edward's father, the young man was certain he blanched just a little further. The idea was … ludicrous, not to mention disgusting. His sexual thoughts of Carlisle had long ago waned, just an ember in the fire of Edward's life now, but it still made him uncomfortable to think of them in this new way.

Alice, however, did feel like his sister. It fit. It was right, Edward knew it in his non-existent soul, and so he thought of each of them as his siblings. Esme had grown into a motherly role, for sure, and actually spent most of her time with Edward, when Carlisle wasn't around. They were frighteningly similar, they discovered over the years, and the thought made them both chuckle when it was brought up.

In time, Edward and Carlisle eased into a comfortable familial space. It no longer made Edward feel sick to his stomach when the family was out together, for which Edward was thankful.

And then, one otherwise quiet day, Edward's world shattered before his eyes again.

Suddenly, clearly, he knew what Carlisle had felt that first time he'd been around Esme. Bella would never be his second choice.

Paper Moon - Chapter 22

2011-08-24T16:16:00.000-07:00

A/N: Muchas gracias to my pre-reader, afeistyginger, who makes me laugh on the regular. This one's for you, Starfish. Love to my beta, TwilightMundi, who is on much-deserved vacation. This chapter is self-beta'ed, so if I really fucked something up, I apologize a million times.

Sleep eluded me, so I spent a few hours researching things to do while we were there. We had tickets to see Zumanity, but I wanted to figure out a few restaurants to try and other things to do sprinkled in with our gambling. When I was exhausted, I set my laptop aside and turned toward Alice's sleeping body. I placed a soft kiss on her lips and slipped beneath her arm, snuggling my body into hers, and closed my eyes.

BPOV

I tried not to be a frantic taskmaster stress monkey in the morning, but failed. I was glad that Edward and Jasper were ready to go with plenty of time. On the drive to the airport, we grabbed coffee and the tension dissipated after that. Nothing was worse than a car full of four tense under-caffeinated over-achievers on their way to an airport.

The flight was short and direct, and I laughed a little as I thought about the myriad ways I'd be thanking Alice for the first class seats. I couldn't help but give her a small kiss as the thought floated through my mind, and we shared a squeeze of our joined hands. In our other hands were adult beverages, getting our time away started properly.

For several days, I could let go of work and relax.

After we checked in to the hotel and dropped our bags off in our suite, Alice and I went straight for the blackjack tables. Edward and Jasper wandered away to their room and we didn't see them again for several hours, but I was glad Jasper looked a little less anxious when they came back.

None of us had eaten since breakfast, and that was a tiny pastry, so Alice and I wrapped up our gambling and we all went for dinner. Though the buffet had a place in our vacation, it wasn't that night. Instead, we opted for a fancy steakhouse and plenty of sumptuous red wine. My hand stayed on Alice's thigh for almost the entire meal. I was eternally grateful she'd worn a short, flimsy dress. Not only could I trace my fingers up and down her leg, but I had a delicious view of her cleavage all night.

She also took advantage of my shorts, her fingers sliding beneath the hem of the leg next to her. At one point, she curled her leg around mine, the soft, smooth skin of our legs tangling and reminding me of other moments between us.

Dinner was fun, but we were clearly ready to be alone, again. When we were back in the suite, I walked to the strawberries and champagne Alice had ordered when we checked in. I sat and popped the cork, then poured us a glass after dropping a strawberry in each flute.

I handed Alice her glass, then lifted mine to meet the edge of hers. "To us," I said.

"To us."

The small sound rang through the room as our eyes stayed connected, each of us tipping our glass at our mouths. The fuzzy tickle of the champagne in my mouth made me laugh a little as I swallowed, and I watched Alice as her eyes danced with mischief.

"More blackjack?" I asked, hoping she'd decline.

Alice laughed. "Are you fucking kidding?"

I didn't need to answer her; she knew. I was just trying to be polite and courteous. No other high could ever compare to what happened between us when we were alone.

To that end, I took a step closer to her. After I'd taken the champagne glass from her hand and set it down on the table, I laced our fingers together. My lips met hers and I stood, kissing her, for what felt like hours. When my legs went weak beneath me, brain fuzzy and clouded with alcohol, I pulled her into the bedroom and over to the bed.

Before we laid down, though, I turned her and unzipped her dress. My fingers trailed down her skin just behind the zipper, lightly skimming the surface. When the zipper was lowered, resting comfortably between the dimples above her ass, I pushed the fabric off her shoulders and the dress fell to the floor.

Left before me in a matching black lace panty and bra set, Alice looked stunning. I began kissing her again, but traveled from her mouth to her throat, then over to her collarbones. My hands touched and teased her skin, readying it for my lips and mouth, and soon I was at her breasts. When I got to her stomach, I paused and kissed over a spot of silvery marks, scars from a life she lived before me, with reference. I never imagined I could raise kids properly, but somehow Alice made it seem possible.

After a quick kiss over the lace hiding the spot I loved to worship, I continued down until I left a soft kiss at each of her feet. My hands tickled their way up the backs of her legs, then carefully pulled her panties down and off. Shifting my hands around to the front of her legs, I coaxed them just a bit wider, then sat up and placed the first of many wide, open-mouthed kisses right over her clit.

Alice threaded her hands through my hair, tight clenches of her fist causing me to moan against her slick skin. My tongue snaked out as my hands reached the apex of her thighs, spreading her wider and pulsing as deep inside of her as I could get. When my eyes shifted away from her in front of me and up to her eyes, she smiled widely.

Her hands directed me away from her and I gave her my best pout.

"You're going to make me fall over," she said with a laugh. "Just let me sit here. Or lay here."

As she sat, she wobbled, then fell over, laying with her knees bent over the edge. I shook my head; she'd clearly had more wine than me. I hooked my arms around her thighs and pulled her closer to the edge of the bed, closer to my mouth. I moved my hand underneath her legs, pushing my fingers inside of her. Watching as I fucked her made me squirm in place, my own legs pressing together with want.

I slowed my pace, listening to her every noise as I pleasured her. Each breathy moan and wanton plea from her spurred me on, but I never picked up my pace. Only when my fingers began to go numb from the angle and position did I give in and bring her to orgasm. My lips and tongue continued to slide over her clit quickly.

When she came, as usual, something inside of me soared. I didn't just feel pride though in that moment; I was so in love, so in lust, so everything with her.

My thighs burned with the effort of having kept myself in place for so long. I stood and stretched, watching her lazy smile as she recovered. Her eyes were closed, and I wondered briefly what kind of thoughts she was having. Were there potentials floating in front of her vision, or was she just soaking in the moment?

"C'mere," she said, eyes still closed and blissed-out look on her face.

I crawled onto the bed, then into her open arms, resting my back against her chest.

"Shit. I forgot you were still dressed," she mumbled. "Up."

We stood and even though I could tell she was exhausted, she took her time taking my clothes off and worshipping me in a way similar to what I'd just done for her. When we were both undressed, her bra finally joining my clothes in the pile on the floor, we curled back into the bed together as we had been.

Alice softly hummed in my ear and the vibration and sound made me shiver. I loved hearing her talk, hearing her moan, hearing even the most mundane things come from her lips.

Her hand beneath my body wrapped up and around my curves, allowing my breast to fill her palm. "I love you," she whispered. Her other hand smoothed over the skin of my hip, dipping between my legs.

Fingers ghosted over the surface of my pussy, then slid between them. Alice's mouth was still at my ear, kissing my neck and whispering sometimes dirty sometimes intimate things to me as she touched me. She pinched her fingers around my nipple and pulled slightly, bit my earlobe, and rubbed faster at the spot where I ached.

My body pressed against her hand harder, needing to come. I groaned as my arms and legs shook, her body around mine like a starfish, skin against skin everywhere it could be. Together, our bodies moved, curved together, rocking and climbing higher. My hands reached out to touch her where I could, one moving up to the side of her face, the other back behind me, resting on her hip. Her leg had curled up and over mine, exposing me to her further.

She pushed her fingers into me, thumb reaching up and stroking, and I wanted her harder. I thrust my hips against her, seeking more, and she gave.

"I love fucking you."

Incoherent replies were all I could provide in response, her words sending me so quickly over the precipice. My entire body halted movement, so focused on the waves of pleasure tearing through it. I was a panting mess when I finally returned to coherent thought, still wrapped up in Alice's arms and legs.

I couldn't speak or move in any substantial way, so drained from our love; I drifted to sleep with her surrounding me, and I was over the fucking moon happy about it.

When I woke up, we were on opposite sides of the bed. I watched Alice briefly, paying attention to her facial features. She was relaxed and happy, you could just tell. It made my heart beat faster that she could possibly feel a portion of what I felt about her, for me.

I was tempted to wake her up and drag her into the shower, but I threw on my comfy yoga pants and went into the adjoining room to stretch. Alice reminded me like nothing else that I wasn't in my early twenties anymore, and a night of cat-like poses and positions after a bottle of wine between the two of us had left me slightly depleted, energy-wise, and sore.

Going through the motions of several poses, I felt my body stretch and relax. The places I'd been sore in seemed to ease just a bit, and I laughed at the thought that I'd either need to take regular yoga classes or we'd have to start fucking in less strenuous ways.

After I'd spent a good twenty minutes at it, I moved to the couch and uncapped a bottle of water. I managed to chug about half the bottle, watching the news as I lounged, before I felt a little better. Once I was hydrated, I walked to the bathroom and turned the shower on. Stripping my clothes off, I piled them in the corner and stepped under the warm spray.

I turned to grab my shampoo and giggled at Alice's things in the corner nook of the shower. She'd insisted that we not just use the same products, saying she liked the way I smelled too much, and she wanted it to stay my scent, not hers. I stood beneath the water, steam surrounding me, and heard the door to the shower open and close quickly.

Anticipating her slipping into the water behind me made it feel like even longer than the few seconds it probably took. Alice's fingers slid around my waist, almost immediately drifting up to my breasts.

"You have great tits," she muttered against the skin of my shoulder.

I laughed. "Well, good morning to you too, sunshine." Frankly, I hated my tits. But the way they felt in her hands as she loved them? I'd never hate that.

My head lolled back and rested on her shoulder, her mouth nipping at the side of my neck.

"Sorry," I said. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I don't think so. It's fine if you did, I wouldn't want to miss this."

I turned and we shared a smile, then kissed briefly. I helped her wash her hair, and she soaped up my entire body, laughing when I commented at how clean I'd be. We talked about how eager we both were to get back on the floor, so we agreed to grab breakfast on the way down. After we dried off and got dressed, I almost pouted at her capris instead of a skirt. Alice's legs were long and amazing, perfect dancer's legs, and I hated when she covered them up. I finally decided it was probably best for my concentration, though.

We texted Jasper and Edward on our way downstairs to try and get them to join us, but they had plans to be tourists. I just rolled my eyes. Who came to Vegas to see the sights, I wondered. Sure, there would be fun dinner plans and maybe a little walking around, but I wanted to gamble and drink and indulge in my girl.

Our day started at the slot machines, a mindless occupation of our time until we were fully awake. The caffeine kicked in and we made our way over to the familiar blackjack tables. Alice sat at first base, not wanting to take the heat of any decisions she made that might have affected the outcome for the whole table. I took third base, because fuck that shit. I played by the book and if anyone had a problem with it, I'd take the heat. Besides, I could look right at Alice from where I was, and aside from the cards in front of me, she was all I wanted to see.

What we hadn't anticipated, though, were the people sitting at our table. Because it was a holiday weekend, the crowds were insane, especially as the day went on. Drunk college guys took the three spots between us and immediately began flirting with Alice. Instead of wanting to strangle them with their own nutsacs, I sat back and giggled as they tried their hardest.

Most of them tried to flatter her – at least their praise was genuine. They would tell her she had pretty eyes, or comment on how nice she smelled. Of course, I wanted to blurt out loud they had no idea how she really smelled.

When an older gentleman sat to my right and struck up a conversation with me, I could see Alice practically throwing daggers from her eyes. I winked at her and that seemed to dissipate the tension somewhat, but at least this guy wasn't out-and-out trying to pick me up – we were genuinely just talking.

There were a few moments we were alone at the table, and I loved sitting with her as the game sped up, each of us confident in our hands and moves. It was sexy to see her hit, fold, or double down, certain of what the right play was.

Hours passed, I imagined, and at some point our drinks went from coffee and Diet Coke to Jack and Diet Coke and fruity sex-name-based drinks. The laughter increased, and when a smoker sat next to me, there was a pang of wanting to smoke. Something about gambling and drinking went hand-in-hand with smoking in my brain, but I knew how Alice felt, and there was no way I'd risk not having her lips on me later. Instead, I distracted myself playing a reel of stored memories from our time together, and when it became too much, joined with my stomach growling with need, I stepped away from the table.

Somehow, the entire fucking day was gone, and our reservation for dinner was less than an hour away. I slid behind Alice, chips in my hand, and whispered to her that we needed to get going. It didn't take any convincing, thankfully, unlike when I left a casino. She pushed her chips to the center to color up and we were on our way. We texted Jasper and Edward on the way to our room. I let Jasper know what time I wanted them to be ready and that we'd meet them at their room. He knew there was absolutely no getting out of this dinner – I needed him there for moral support when I asked Alice to move in with me.

I watched Alice change as I did the same, and for a brief moment considered just skipping dinner. My stomach disagreed, though, since we were both famished. We could have ordered room service, but I wanted to see Jasper and Edward, too. Finally, one last time, I checked my purse for the wrapped gift, linked my hand with Alice's and we made our way to the boy's suite. I giggled when she'd told me she upgraded them; she was adorably sweet when it came to giving to others, especially her brother.

When we were in front of Jasper and Edward's room, I knocked, impatient for our fancy dinner. This is why I hadn't wanted to meet them in the lobby, I thought as I realized they clearly weren't ready to go. Huffing a sigh, I knocked again, louder.

Edward answered and looked disheveled, to say the least. I noticed the look on his face immediately, or I'd have thought they were late because they were fucking, but no, something was clearly wrong – and Edward was clearly dressed for dinner. Had they fought?

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He looked like he had no idea where to even begin. It made my panic ratchet up several notches. He was always so calm and collected.

"Jasper?"

Edward nodded, opening the door wider, and I ran inside. Alice held my hand even tighter until we got to the rumpled mess of Jasper on the floor, and then let go of me. I slid down to wrap around Jasper, who was pulled in on himself, curled into a tight ball.

"Jasper, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Stephan killed himself, Bella," he whispered. He turned his head up to look at me, and I could see his eyes were wet and red-rimmed, skin pale as a ghost. "I wasn't there for him."

Stephan was the kid Jasper had been worried about in the facility he worked at. I wanted to remind Jasper that professional ethics required him to maintain a distance. It wasn't like he hadn't done everything he could for this kid – he had. It wasn't the time for that, though. I knew there was no talking logic into him. He needed to be consoled and he'd eventually realize he wasn't at fault.

"Shh," I whispered. "I've got you. It's going to be okay."

My hand smoothed over his hair, a soothing maternal action I'd seen in countless movies. I could only hope it would work.

Edward moved to the other side of Jasper, and I watched as the two of them reached out to each other, Jasper's body shifting slightly away from mine and into his. The sting was immediate, but also began to fade almost immediately. It didn't go away, mind you, watching them so close and knowing Jasper needed Edward more than me... it hurt.

Alice sat next to me with her hand on my arm. I wasn't sure what to do. I felt almost useless; replaceable? That wasn't right though, and I knew it. I was being petulant when what he needed the most was a friend. I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves. Jasper needed me.

Turning to Alice, I thought about what I could do to be useful, instead. "Let's go order some dinner?"

She nodded and stood, holding her hand out to me. Once she helped me up, I couldn't help the extra long look I gave Edward and Jasper, still tangled. I could see Edward's lips moving but couldn't hear what he whispered. I was grateful they had each other, even if it meant I wasn't the first priority in Jasper's life anymore.

The truth was, he couldn't be my first priority anymore, either. And I realized I didn't want him to be.

Following Alice, we went into the attached room. I sat at the desk and she sat into my lap sideways, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"I'm sorry about what's going on with Jasper," she whispered. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I don't think there's anything any of us can do," I said. "But you're completely amazing for asking, you know that right? And for being understanding about our night. Now, let's see what kind of comfort junk food we can order. I'm starving."

We flipped through the pages, way over-ordering food. While we waited, we curled up on the couch together. I found myself in need of comfort, much like Jasper, and I sought it in her arms. The food arrived and after I tipped and thanked the delivery person, we began to uncover the dishes. Everything spanned across several tables, appetizers, main dishes, and dessert enough for eight people.

Alice and I picked a few things and shared a plate, taking our places on the couch again. A few minutes later, Jasper and Edward came from the bedroom, changed into their comfy pajamas.

"We ordered some food," I said, lamely. Of course they knew that; they could probably see and smell it.

"Good thinking," Edward said, giving me a half-smile.

Jasper looked even worse than he had when I arrived. His eyes were puffy and swollen, a look I was intimately familiar with on my own face, but which jarred me on his.

I wanted to pop off the couch and hug him, but I didn't, at the same time. I hated feeling that way, so uncertain and unsure of myself.

"Thanks, Bella," Jasper said, sitting in a chair next to the couch.

Edward arranged a plate of food and much like Alice and I had, they sat next to each other, sharing and talking quietly. A few times, Jasper's eyes caught mine, and I tried to convey the depth of my sadness for him. I think I did a reasonable job, but I just ached at my friend and his sorrow.

"I'm sorry I ruined your night," Jasper said quietly.

"You didn't ruin my night, Jas," I replied. "You could never. I have everything I need right here." I looked around and smiled at three of the four most important people to me in the world – we were just missing Rose. "Just because we aren't in a fancy restaurant doesn't mean it's ruined."

When I was done speaking, I mouthed later to him. He seemed to be nudging his head toward Alice, a silent request if I had asked her to move in with me or not. His small smile felt like a huge victory for me.

The next few hours passed quietly. Jasper and Edward moved to a larger chair, sitting next to each other with their ankles hooked and I almost had to laugh at how cute they looked. Jasper had always loved our sleepover and snuggle nights. Alice's fingertips had been slowly running up and down my thigh and I was starting to get exhausted. I wasn't sure if it was the lack of sleep several days in a row or a carb and sugar coma, but I needed to find a bed.

Standing, I pulled Alice with me. "Bedtime, boys," I said.

They both stood and I hugged Edward first, the longest a hug of ours had ever been. I hoped he knew just how much I appreciated him. When it was Jasper's turn, I squeezed him so hard, something we'd done to each other from time to time when one of us was going through something rough. I knew he'd come out the other side okay, but I also knew there would be ups and downs, and this wasn't something he'd get over in a weekend.

Jasper kissed my cheek, whispering another thank you to me.

"I love you," I said to him. "I'm here if you need me. Always."

"I know."

A tear leaked out and I quickly wiped it away before anyone could see. I walked out of the suite with Alice, back to our sanctuary, without another look behind me.

Alice started undressing first, clearly as tired as I'd been. Instead of putting on her pajamas, she crawled into bed nude, so I did the same. In the safe darkness of the room, once we were nestled in together, we talked about life. We mused where we might have been if we'd met earlier in our lives; would it even have worked, or was timing an important factor in finding each other and both at a spot where it could be something of significance between us.

I decided I could give her the gift I had some other time. It wasn't something super important, just a token of support for her studio, and of appreciation for her presence in my life. Tomorrow, I thought, would be a great day to give her the iPod loaded with music I'd purchased and synced onto it for her.

"Hey, Alice," I said, nerves warring with everything in my body. "Do you think you'd like to maybe move in with me? I mean, I know you haven't found a place yet," I rambled. "But maybe it would work? You'd be farther from Edward, but closer to me. And maybe that would be good, I don't know..."

It was dark and I couldn't really see her, but I felt as she moved above me, her body pressing into and covering mine.

"I'd love to live with you, baby."

Paper Moon - Chapter 21

2011-08-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

A/N: My beta, TwilightMundi, is the best. And so is my pre-reader, afeistyginger. I'm pretty much the luckiest girl ever, 'cause on top of those two ladies, I have you fucking awesome readers.

~%~

Thankfully, he saw things my way and agreed. We talked as he packed, and the mood lightened considerably when he realized he was going on vacation. Then he confessed he hadn't been on a bona fide away-from-work vacation in several years. I was surprised, but even more determined to make our time together amazing.

EPOV

My alarm was set for far too early, and I took the world's fastest shower, then put my luggage in my car and drove to Jasper's.

When he answered the door, his hands circled my waist and he ran his nose up and down my neck, just beneath my ear. "Ready for vacation?"

"Yeah," I breathed.

I was really, really ready for vacation.

"Me too." Jasper gave me one small kiss, then grabbed his bag and closed the door behind him, locking it. "Come on, let's get going. You've never seen Travel Bella."

He shuddered and shook his head.

"That bad?" I asked.

"Worse," he said. "Come on, no time for funny stuff. If we're late, she'd probably leave without us."

I whimper-whined, but listened. I'd experienced enough of Bella that I could vividly imagine just how structured even her vacation time could be.

After the obligatory coffee stop, we headed to the airport and were on our way. Sitting next to Jasper during the flight was torture; we could barely keep our hands off each other when anyone walked by.

"Fucking tease," I whispered when his hand slid under the blanket to run along the seam of my pants.

His answering grin just showed me exactly how relaxed he was, and how Vacation Jasper was nothing like Travel Bella. Thank God.

I knew Alice had booked a suite for herself and Bella, and while I had just booked a regular room for us, I was pleased that our rooms were several floors apart. The thought of over-hearing my sister and boss getting dirty made me physically ill. I was pretty sure they felt the same about Jasper and me.

Once we were all checked in, Jasper practically dragged me to our room, the girls off to play in the casino. I was grateful. There was no possible way I could spend the day around people and be able to hide my near-constant erection, thanks to Jasper's teasing.

When he slid the keycard through the lock and we entered the room, I realized they'd made a mistake and given us a suite.

"What the … ?" Jasper said.

"I didn't do it, I swear."

I dialed the front desk, spotting a bottle of champagne chilling in the corner. After I explained the situation to the lady that answered, I listened patiently as she tapped away at her keyboard. I really just wanted to get Jasper naked and fuck; this inconvenience was starting to annoy me.

"No, Mister Cullen," she said. "It looks like you have the right room. We called and confirmed the reservation as well as the special request a few days ago with your wife, Alice?"

The enormous gust of laughter that burst from my mouth probably made the woman temporarily deaf.

"Oh. My sister," I explained.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Mister Cullen?"

"No, thank you."

"Have a nice day."

A smile spread across my face as I placed the receiver back in the cradle.

"So, Mister Whitlock, it looks like my sister has a few tricks up her sleeve."

"Yeah?"

I walked to the bucket of champagne and touched the note I hadn't dared to look at earlier, for fear it was meant for someone else.

Edward, have a fun weekend, I mean it! You deserve it. Love you. Alice

Smiling, I put the note down on the table and picked up the bottle. Once I'd popped the cork, I poured us each a glass. Jasper walked over and took a flute. I watched as he tipped it back, swallowing twice. The bob of his Adam's apple mesmerized me, the spell breaking only when I heard the glass land back on the table.

A predatory grin crossed his face, his eyes widening playfully at me.

I suspected my time was limited, so I followed his lead and tossed back my drink, setting my glass to the side. Just as I thought, Jasper pressed against me and for a moment, I stood my ground, appreciating the way his body felt against mine. I loved the hard planes of his chest, and the way his arms felt beneath my hands. I wasn't a small guy, but Jasper made me feel enveloped at times, and I found that I enjoyed it.

"Do we ever have to leave this room?" he asked, muffled by the skin of my neck.

"Nope. Never."

Our hands worked together to peel off the layers of clothes we had on. There was a path of cotton and denim from the champagne bucket to the bed. We laughed as we fell onto the bed together.

I was impatient, after the entire morning full of foreplay and teasing. I helped Jasper roll to his side, then placed a deep kiss on his full lips. Pushing my tongue into his mouth, I mimicked what I wanted to do with my cock. My teeth grabbed his lips, teasing and tugging. My hands were pulling at his hips, our cocks pushing against each other.

I pushed and straddled his body, leaving him on the bottom as I moved into a sixty-nine position above him. My hands rested on his thighs, tense and strong beneath me, and I reached the tip of my tongue out to swirl over the tip of his cock.

Jasper's hands pushed at my hips, lifting them, and before I could anticipate what he was doing, his hands were moved to between my legs. Instead of taking me into his mouth, as I had done with him, I felt his lips press against the sensitive skin just to the side of my dick. I pulled back, tracing my teeth gently against his skin as I did, and he placed another kiss on the opposite side.

When I tried to push my hips down, he held strong, teasing me further. The soft slope of his lips met the tip of my cock and instead of begging for him to take me in his mouth like I was tempted, I focused on doing an even better job. I put all of my energy into driving him even more crazy.

Removing my mouth from his cock, I sucked the tip of my thumb into my mouth, leaving it slick and wet. His length pulsed in front of me, an unspoken request waiting to be fulfilled, and I complied. My mouth surrounded him again, dropping all the way down as my thumb swirled his entrance. Pushing the top of my thumb into him, I held his hips still as he tried to buck up further into my mouth. My lips widened, tightening around him, as I smiled.

Moving my thumb, I brought him higher, focusing even more on making him come apart beneath me. He shivered and shook, his entire body tense and fatigued with effort. I could feel him pulse around my thumb just before he shot into my mouth.

Watching and feeling him come made me even more turned on. I was finally able to focus on his lips and fingers and tongue, as he brought my body to the same heights I'd just brought him. I fought not to collapse right on top of him, my exhaustion practically overtaking me.

"Come back up here," he said, hand rubbing the back of my thigh.

"Too tired," I complained. "Sleeping now."

Jasper smacked my ass, laughing. "Come on, turn around."

I mumbled, succumbing to sleep quickly.

I woke up and the room was still blindingly light. Why hadn't we bothered to close the blinds, I wondered. Then I remembered how busy we'd been before we fell asleep. I burrowed my head in Jasper's arm, which extended out and around me when I moved.

"You switched sides," I said, still half-asleep.

"You wouldn't move and I wanted to be close to you."

Moving my head, I looked into Jasper's eyes and smiled. We shared several kisses, then laid together in silence. My brain was a euphoric playground of past and future. I wondered where our next vacation might be; would we ski together? Would we still be together at Christmas? If so, what would the perfect gift be for Jasper?

"You look so happy right now," Jasper said, startling me.

Humming, I leaned in to kiss him again. "Happy only scratches the surface. You make me so much more than that."

At that moment, Jasper's stomach growled fiercely.

"Come on, handsome," I said, pulling him out of bed. "Shower, then dinner."

Inside the glass paradise, I silently thanked Alice for the room upgrade. I was sure we wouldn't have both fit into a normal room shower, but this was heavenly. In an effort to speed things up, we lathered together – each of us cleaning the other. When he washed my hair, I closed my eyes and practically purred.

Soon after, we were dressed and back at the blackjack table, pestering the girls to eat. I had no idea how two such small women could go even longer than we had without substantial food, but from the level of giggling they were doing, they seemed to be keeping themselves well-stocked with alcohol.

"Come on, wrap it up ladies," Jasper implored. "We require real food."

We'd agreed on a steakhouse nearby, and after we were seated, we ordered appetizers to share. Alice and Bella were still in their own private bubble, red wine flowing and hands not-so-subtly touching.

Jasper sat across from me, the two girls squished between us in the booth. We were too far apart, and continued our teasing of each other. I took extra time wrapping my lips around my fork when a bite of buttery steak was on it, and he closed his eyes, moaning, when he spooned his dessert into his mouth.

Finally, when dinner was over, the four of us walked to the elevators together, arms around our beloveds. Sleep came easily, a peaceful rest unlike any in recent weeks.

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of coffee and something sweet. I wasn't quite ready to open my eyes, though, so I rolled over, feeling around in the bed for Jasper, but he was nowhere. Relenting, I eased one eye partially open, looking as much as I could to try and find him. No such luck, as the darkened room seemed empty. I could hear a faint sound coming from just beyond the bedroom, so I reluctantly pulled on my boxers and investigated.

Jasper was lounging on the couch, mile-wide grin on his face as he watched FoodTV and sipped what looked and smelled like coffee. Several dirty thoughts flew through my head, but I finally settled on a non-dirty greeting, taking a spot next to him on the couch.

"Coffee?" he asked.

"Mhm."

"Hungry?"

The smirk and wink I gave him answered that as I put the warm cup to my lips.

"Perv," he said, laughing.

I laughed right back, muttering into my coffee cup, "You have no idea."

The thought hung in the air between us – that there was still so much more for us to explore and experience together. It was exciting and new and perfect.

"I saved you some pancakes," he said, sliding the plate in front of me.

I set my coffee down, gave him a quick kiss and whispered my thanks before digging in. I was beyond hungry, I realized as the first bite permeated my taste buds. Fuck, they were good. When they were gone, we sat and watched mindless television, hands linked.

Both of our phones began to chirp at the same time and I chuckled as I realized the girls were probably ready for some sight seeing. Nope, after checking the messages, we realized they were just as interested in gambling as they had been the day before. I didn't get it myself, never having been much of a risk taker, but I could respect that we were in Vegas. When in Rome and all that.

"You want to go play some Blackjack?" I asked.

Jasper shrugged.

"No?" I raised my eyebrow. "Want to walk around for a bit?"

"That sounds perfect. I can think of much better ways to piss away my hard-earned money."

Showering with Jasper was a great way to start the day, and we wandered out of the hotel into the bright sunshine. We'd left snow and cold weather, and I was delighted to see the sun.

We walked the strip, laughing at the difference between the streets during the bright light of day and the dark night, when every other foot seemed packed with people shoving naked ladies in our hands. As I thought about it, I realized that Jasper seemed even more amused than I'd been the night before, and I wondered.

"Jasper, are you bi?"

I knew he'd mentioned straddling both sides of the community and being ostracized by each side, but I wasn't sure if he was a gay guy that sometimes had sex with women or what. It came out of my mouth as a casual, off-hand question between two people, but I realized when Jasper froze in place that perhaps wandering the streets wasn't such a great spot for deep thoughts.

"Sorry," I began.

His hand shot up, stopping me from apologizing any more.

"No, you have every right to ask. I just didn't expect it," he said with a laugh. "Yeah, I guess I am. I haven't really put too much thought into it. I love, I fuck, I live."

Suddenly the difference between us hit me. The years of torture and agony I'd spent analyzing and thinking about my own sexuality, and for him, it was just as simple as loving and fucking. Why wasn't it that easy for me? Did he approach everything in the same no-nonsense manner? Was I wasting my life away, thinking too much about topics and things I couldn't change anyway?

Jasper's hand waved frantically in front of my face. "Hello?" His smile spread when I looked at him. He took my hand and we began walking again.

"Ever attracted to women?" he asked.

Tilting my head to the side, I tried to think of any women I'd ever been attracted to. "Sure, there've been a few I could appreciate the aesthetic beauty of."

Jasper snorted. "That's not what I asked."

"Did I want to fuck them? Hmm. No. They don't make me hard, like when I think of the way your chest tightens and your muscles press against my skin as you fuck me."

He actually blushed at that, and I squeezed his hand, laughing. He was adorably uncomfortable when he received a genuine compliment and not just what he perceived as a nicety or someone trying to pick him up.

"Do you miss them?" I asked quietly.

I felt like my every insecurity about dating someone who loved both genders was highlighted in neon green and flashing from my heart at that moment.

Jasper stopped again, this time leaning against a half-height brick wall. He pulled me between his open knees and my heart sped up. I'd grown mostly used to his public displays, but already felt too raw, too exposed.

In a bold move, even for Vegas, Jasper's hand that was joined with mine slid between us and inched slowly up the middle of his pants. His lips moved to my neck, wet and soft and warm and ung.

"Does it feel like I miss anyone but you right now?"

"No."

"Then don't ask dumb shit like that, okay?" His teeth pulled at the soft skin on my neck, then he moved to look me in the eyes. "I'm with you, here, in this moment. I don't need anything but what you give me. Do you need something more?"

"No, of course not. No," I rambled. "I'm good."

Jasper winked again, giving me another kiss before mumbling against my lips. "Damn straight you are."

With a laugh, he pushed and we started walking again. We would duck into a casino, look at whatever touristy thing had drawn us inside in the first place, and exit, moving on to the next. It was exactly the way I'd wanted to experience Las Vegas with Jasper. I didn't need to sit at a table and drink – I wanted to walk, talk, learn more about him, and do lots of people watching.

We took turns taking photos of each other at various sights, doing touristy things. The one exception we made for gambling was when Jasper unexpectedly pulled me over to the Craps table at the very end of the day, back in our casino. I knew the basic premise of the game, having watched the in-room instructional channels briefly, and from past trips. When the dice came around to him and he picked them up, he leaned into me.

"Blow on them."

My neck practically snapped with the speed I turned to look at him. "What?"

"For luck."

I felt awkward, but not uncomfortable. It was mostly funny to me; my breath couldn't possibly bring (or take away, for that matter) luck, but if it was a superstitious thing he wanted me to indulge him in, I could do that. I snaked my tongue out to wet my lips, then pursed them together, keeping eye contact the entire time. The breath I exhaled was slow and (hopefully) seductive, bringing several catcalls from others around our table.

Jasper shook his head, that pink staining his cheeks again as he looked down at the table. He'd asked for it.

His hand shot out, eyes still locked with mine as the dice rolled, hitting the opposite end and falling on numbers. The noise of the room dissipated as I watched him. He was in his element, having a great time, and shuffling chips around as he spoke with the croupier. I didn't hear his words, just watched his lips and movements. I was mesmerized by his every move, having never quite seen him own an action like he did just then. When he picked the dice up from the table, my eyes flicked to his hand. The motion, a quick back-and-forth several times, brought only dirty images to mind.

The rest of the game passed in a blur. I only knew it was time to go when Jasper nudged me, hands overflowing with chips.

"Come on," he said. "Let me go cash these in. I need you. Naked. Beneath me. Now."

He was walking faster than me, a good pace ahead, and I followed as best I could. When his chips splayed across the marble of the cashier's desk, I could see how viscerally he'd been affected; it wasn't just his words from earlier, he practically shook with need and want. His fingernails nearly dug into my palm when we walked to the elevator, and then into our room.

Impatient, he was so impatient. My t-shirt flew over my head, shorts down and off my body before even my shoes. I tilted my head toward his clothing, a silent request to him while I took my shoes and socks off. Both of us naked, he bent me over the couch. The couch we'd had breakfast on, watched stupid TV from. His fingers worked my body first, always, slick and easily accepted, before he pushed his cock into me.

There was very little pretense, and as I gripped the back of the couch, bracing myself and pushing back against him, I took just as hard as he gave me. We made noise but didn't speak. We fucked, but we loved. It was a tangle of so many things, and I realized it didn't need to meet any narrow definition. It was us, and we were beyond that.

Each stroke filled me whole, physically and someplace beyond. I wanted to come so bad, so hard, it didn't matter by my hand or his, I just needed. The problem was the pounding Jasper was doing impeded any movement between my body and the couch. I cursed in my head, grunted and groaned long and loud, and waited.

My hands flailed behind me, desperate to touch him if I couldn't touch myself, and connected with his skin. I knew where my stomach met the leather of the couch I'd have a wicked red mark, the burn of the friction with my skin already setting in. Giving in to the sensations, I leaned over further, my entire torso meeting with the cold. I hugged the cushions, no longer able to grab the solidity of the couch back, and spread my legs slightly.

Jasper slowed, one of his hands trailing down my spine as he pulled back. Thrusting in hard, he wrapped the same hand around my body, pulling me to him at the same time, causing sparks of lust to shoot through me.

When he told me he was watching us, watching my body as his entered it, I almost lost it. I'd never come so close to an orgasm without touching myself in my life. His words and his body combined to send me someplace new.

Via some kind of insane acrobatics, he managed to slip his hand between me and the couch. The moment his fingers wrapped around my cock, squeezing and pulling and demanding, my body tightened. I didn't want it to be over, but had little choice against the pleasure he carefully extracted from me.

Several thrusts and pulls later, the dueling sensations provoking my entire body to be on edge, I came hard. Jasper's hand slowed but didn't stop, continuing as profanities dripped from his mouth, clearly the beginning of his own orgasm. When I could focus again, I realized we'd made a huge fucking mess on the back of this no-doubt expensive couch, and maybe the floor.

I couldn't help the sort of drippy and halfway gross feeling I had when Jasper moved off me. We both half-ran to the bathroom, cleaning ourselves up side-by-side. As I wiped my hands, Jasper closed the space between us, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Thank you."

"Want to take a bath with me?" I asked, turning to face him.

Jasper nodded, so I turned the hot water on, adding bubbles, then climbed in. It seemed like kind of a girly thing to do, but the warmth felt perfect surrounding both of us, and I was too exhausted to stand for a shower. When Jasper was between my legs, he leaned back and we soaked together.

"You know," I said, realizing something. "If you wanted to gamble today, we could have done that. We didn't have to walk around."

"Edward, you're hilarious. I didn't feel obligated to walk around with you. I wanted to do it. Then I wanted to play Craps for a minute. Then you teased me, and well, I forgot all about the casino."

The hot water relaxed me, Jasper's body in front of me causing an overflow of bliss and love. My eyes closed and I slid further under the water, bringing us both lower. Some minutes later, my phone chirped with what I knew was Alice's text tone. Jasper jolted, pulling away, but my hand shot around his chest bringing him right back.

"It's just Alice," I said. "She can wait."

Quiet surrounded us again, and even though the water began to turn warm instead of hot, and then cool instead of warm, I couldn't be bothered to want to get out. Only when Jasper's phone chirped did I relent, knowing Bella was much more insistent than Alice.

Giant towels seemed to swallow us whole as we wrapped them around us, not bothering to get dressed. Alice had asked about dinner, and when I turned to ask Jasper, he explained Bella had given a time and location, not bothering to ask. We laughed at her, knowing full well we could have just ignored them both with no consequences – they'd understand – but wanting that outside connection with them, too.

I watched Jasper tap out a reply, then move to his suitcase where he got clothes out. His faded jeans hung over his soft cotton boxers, and the t-shirt he put on accentuated the way his chest flared. He wasn't overly muscular, but had clear definition, which he knew I loved.

"Going naked?" he asked, and I realized I'd been standing there staring, not bothering with my own clothes.

Laughing, I walked to my own bag and pulled out my clothes, taking my time to get dressed. When I got into the bathroom, he was already there, brushing his teeth and spritzing the smallest amount of cologne on. I cursed the fact that I wasn't fifteen anymore with a several minute recovery period, instead of several hours.

After I was done in the bathroom, I walked out to see him on the couch again. It was almost time to go, so when his phone chimed again, I figured it was Bella. He probably had, as well, since we both laughed and shook our heads, smiling at each other at the over-zealousness of our friend.

"Huh," Jasper said, phone in hand, reading the text. "Just one minute, Edward. I need to make a quick call."

Shrugging, I sat next to him, and started watching the hockey game that was on. In the background, I could hear Jasper's curt responses, and I wondered what could possibly need his attention the day after Thanksgiving.

His hand brought my attention fully to him as I turned and shifted my gaze to his face. He was pale, completely white, gone. His eyes were dark and haunted, then closed. The moment a tear slipped from between the lids, I began to panic. Something was very, very wrong.

"Okay," was his last word on the phone.

Slipping down, he fell from the couch to the floor, head in his hands.

"What's wrong, Jasper?"

He simply shook his head. I moved to the floor, an arm around his body in a stupid attempt at comfort.

"Please baby, talk to me. You're scaring me. What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I could tell he wasn't okay. I had no idea why I'd even asked; I was desperate.

"It's all my fault," he said, head still shaking slowly.

"What's your fault?"

"He's dead."

OneShot: Lucky

2011-08-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

A/N: First, thank you to kpeery1, who gave me the idea for this piece. Without her whisper in my ear, these three wouldn't exist. Thank you to my beta, TwilightMundi, and to Christag_banner for the gorgeous banner. Thank you also to the organizers of Fandom4Storms, WardenAmyBee & Lady Tazz, which this was written for.

It had been three years since we'd gotten married.

Well, that wasn't entirely true; we weren't married in the traditional sense. Knowing we'd probably never be able to get married, James, Bella, and I had a commitment ceremony on the sands of a beach in Hawaii. The beauty of the scene almost matched that of the two other people as we held our hands together and whispered our words to each other.

When the ceremony was over and we turned to face a few relatives and what had become our extended family of friends, Callie ran up to throw her arms around us. It seemed like just yesterday she'd been a baby, and there she was, almost six.

Time had indeed been flying by for all of us.

"Callie, where's your sister and brother?" I asked.

"Nana took them to go potty," she said. "Mama, you look so beautiful."

Bella bent down to talk to her at eye-level, something that never failed to make me smile. "Thank you, sweetheart. I couldn't have done it without your help."

James and I shared a look while the girls spoke, and I squeezed his hand. I knew that watching Callie interact with Bella was even more for him.

The first time we'd seen James with Callie, she was just a few months old. Bella and I were wandering around after a late Sunday brunch and saw them together – James holding her hands and talking to her. I'd never seen a father, aside from mine, so involved before. And no ring.

"What are you smiling about?" James asked quietly, having moved closer.

"Aside from this day? I was remembering when Bella and I met you."

"Oh good lord," James groaned. "I'm sure I looked a hot mess, full of baby and breadcrumbs."

"I don't remember that. I remember a stunningly handsome man desperately in love with his child."

James tucked his face into my neck and I could feel his smile against my skin as he mumbled.

My mom and dad returned with the other kids and we stood, chatting and dealing with the last of the wrap-up details from the ceremony. We'd said hello to our guests and given them each hugs. Though there weren't hundreds of people attending a lavish ceremony, there were people meaningful to our lives, each one a treasure.

The three of us mingled independently with our guests a little more, until I made eye contact with James. Together, we spotted Bella talking to the group of kids again. James and I walked to her, more than ready to be back in our room, if I was gauging the look on his face correctly.

"Shall we get changed and hit the beach?" Bella asked, standing to her full height once we were next to her.

It hit me again how fucking lucky I was.

"Why don't we let Grandma and Grandpa take them for the afternoon?" I asked, hoping she sensed the undertones of my question.

"Because I want to swim, silly," she said, smiling. She leaned in closer, hands gently grabbing the collar of my shirt. "Besides, I'd much rather they take them tonight for the sleepover they already agreed to."

When she was done talking, she kissed my lips quickly, then James, and turned to walk back to our room, laughing as she went. Callie was holding one of Bella's hands and she had Annika on her hip, securely holding her with the other arm. Christopher held Callie's hand, and they looked like a perfect picture of a mother and her children. James threaded his fingers with mine as we followed them along the path.

Inside our suite, the six of us applied sunscreen, changed, and got ready for the sand and sun. I spent even more time observing than usual, which was saying something, and I shook my head slightly as Bella pulled her swimsuit on. Even after two kids, she had a great body, but refused to believe it. At least she wasn't wearing something with ruffles, I reasoned, even if I loved the idea of seeing her in a bikini. I'd have to settle for the lingerie she often indulged in.

That thought required me to visit the bathroom for a quick splash of cold water on my face. I could only hope the afternoon would go quickly; once the sun set and the kids were over in my parents' suite, I knew we'd have plenty of adult time. Maybe we'd just forgo sleep – we'd done it before, surely we could do it again.

Of course, I reminded myself, the last time we'd done that, we were all still in our twenties. There was that time flying by me again.

The beach was warm and beautiful, though a little more crowded than I'd have preferred. If I could have, I'd have whisked everyone away to a secluded island for our honeymoon, but Bella and James were right and it was better to have this event where our friends and family could join us.

I watched James take Christopher as Bella held onto Annika in the water as Callie built a sandcastle near the water's edge. They'd gone barely out, just until their knees were covered, then bent to let the kids get wet. I could see them talking to the kids as they splashed and laughed.

Long ago, we'd all accepted our strengths and weaknesses when it came to parenting. James and Callie showed us each what we were good at and where we failed miserably. I loved all of the kids, but the baby and toddler stages were, I could admit, not my favorite.

"Callie, that is a very elaborate castle you have."

"Thanks, Pops," she said, flashing her semi-toothless grin at me.

She began telling me about each part of the property, as she called it. She'd laid out an entire castle and several guest houses, explaining how someday she'd live somewhere similar and we could live there, too. Closing my book, I got up from my chair and joined her in the scratchy pile of wet sand, building and deconstructing, all to her specifications.

"Rinse off," James said, dripping salty water onto my bare back. "Time for a snack."

We sat in a circle, our family, and shared our pre-packed lunch from the hotel. While the kids inhaled their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, the adults noshed on pesto pasta salad and grapes. After the cookies were gone, I took Annika and joined James in the water so Bella could sit and relax for a bit.

I tried not to openly gawk at his body ever, but here where he was half-naked already, it was almost impossible. Navy board shorts accentuated his ripped torso and muscular legs. Somehow, he was almost always tanned, whereas I seemed to never leave behind my pasty white skin. Just one of the many differences between his firefighter job and mine in the lab.

"You want me to take Christopher, too?" I asked when we'd gotten waist-deep. "You can go relax with Bella."

"Naw. I like being in the water, you know that. Besides, I want to spend time with you," he said, smiling at me. "It feels like I've barely gotten to talk to you today, aside from the whole promising to spend the rest of my life with you thing..."

Our bodies moved closer and we shared a kiss. It wasn't as long as I needed, but it would hold me over. I wanted to run my thumb along his jaw and wrap my body in his, but alas, real life.

Several hours and re-applications of sunscreen later, we packed up and returned to the hotel. Everyone needed a shower, so we took turns with the children and then got them ready to go for the night. I was grateful that my parents had been so close to all of us and were always so good with the kids. Bella and James' parents had been at the ceremony, but they'd remained distant from our family, even after all this time.

Dinner was a family affair, sort of a mini reception to the ceremony, and lively. There was champagne, tropical drinks, and more food than anyone should ever eat. The conversation never stopped and the kids kept us busy between bites, but there were still subtle glances and soft smiles between the three of us.

Alice and Jasper reminded us about the snorkeling expedition we'd planned the following day, and we all confirmed the time and location before dispersing. My mom grabbed the overnight bag, reassuring Bella one last time they'd all be fine, and promising with a giggle to return the kids in the same condition she got them.

I'd talked to my parents enough to know that, while it wasn't the path they envisioned for me, they were accepting of my life with James and Bella. My mom had loved Bella from the moment they met, so they were confused when James came along, but then, so were Bella and I.

Finally back behind closed doors, we began to undress each other, fingers and hands and mouths everywhere. It felt different, but the same – our commitment to each other had always been strong, but somehow, speaking and affirming our words and hearts in front of everyone had changed our connection.

By the time we made it to the bedroom, we were undressed and had all managed to slow down slightly.

James was behind me, Bella in front of me, and if you'd been looking at us, I was certain you wouldn't have been able to tell who was who, our bodies so closely tied together.

Bella's lips were soft against mine, James' stubble scratching against the base of my neck. We crawled onto the bed and climbed under the covers together, taking our time. Unlike the nights in our recent past, we didn't have to rush and hurry to be asleep for work the next day, or monitor how loud we were being for fear we'd wake up the kids.

My fingers moved across Bella's body and lower, to between her thighs. My other hand moved behind me, James's body pressed against mine. His fingers began to move and trace circles over my entrance. I had no idea how or when he'd grabbed it, but he seemed to have lube on them, and began pushing them into me carefully.

I captured Bella's lips between mine and pressed forward, giving James more room. Both of his hands were on me, each one in a different spot, and Bella had wrapped her arms around me, one of hers on James, and one on my body. I was selfish; I could admit that I liked being in the middle.

Pulling Bella closer, I teased and stroked her, both of my hands focused on bringing her pleasure. When James had begun fucking me in a semi-steady rhythm, I pushed up and inside of Bella. Her mouth was at my neck, and I could tell she was reaching to kiss James periodically, each of them pressing harder against me as a result. It was bliss.

We moved together, soft pants and grunts peppering the air periodically, but mostly just the quiet sounds of our love. Bella was always the clear winner on rare nights like this – the ability to have orgasms back-to-back such a great one.

As I brought her to orgasm with my hand, she stilled and held her breath. Feeling her around me, feeling either of them around me as they came, was exquisite. I was grateful she'd stopped moving, allowing me a moment to compose myself. When she opened her eyes and we all resumed, she tugged at my hips and softly pled for me to move harder and faster.

James did the same, and soon we were making much more noise. Bella's hand circled my cock, still pushing into her as hard and deep as I could, and I lost it; I came quickly and forcefully. Behind me, James continued to fuck me, his teeth grazing the top of my shoulder as he came.

Each of us moved off the bed after a few moments, Bella the first to leave. I turned to face James and we kissed for a quick minute before he left as well. When I arrived in the bathroom, I could hear the shower running and see them inside. James had pulled Bella into his body, her back against his chest, and he had one hand between her legs, the other cupping and teasing her breast.

Although there was no way I'd be able to stroke myself to the visual right then, I watched and tried to pay close attention to what they were doing for and to each other. James had his mouth at the nape of her neck, biting and kissing her, and his lips moved slowly. God, I wanted to hear what he was saying to her so badly, but I didn't want to interrupt them. Since I was off to the side, I could see only the tips of his fingers curved around her right breast, his left hand beginning to pick up the pace as it slid over her clit.

Bella's legs flexed, pushing her up on her toes, as her hands wove up behind James's neck. I could tell she was close, knew her body as well as James did, and watched as she came. Her whole body seemed to chase the feeling, moving and shifting ever so slightly as he loved her.

Under the spray of the water, she turned in his arms and buried her head against his body. He looked so large compared to her, and I loved how he appeared very much the protector when they stood like that. When James moved his head to her shoulder, his eyes met mine and we shared a quick smile before he raised an eyebrow and wordlessly invited me in with them.

I loved watching them together, watching him worship her, and her love him just as much right back, so I was hesitant to enter their bubble, but I did. I was part of the bubble, too, and the only thing better than watching the two of them was the three of us together. The warm, humid air surrounded me, and we shifted our bodies close together. Curiosity got the best of me.

I leaned in toward James and whispered, "What were you saying to her?"

His laugh was soft against my neck, and he tilted his head to look at both of us while he spoke. "I was telling her how fucking gorgeous she is when she's with our kids. How much I appreciate the way she treats Callie like her own flesh and blood."

He stopped and pulled us closer, one of his arms around each of us, and we kissed slowly. Sure, noses bumped and sometimes it took a minute for us to each find our place in the group, but we did.

"I may have also mentioned how sexy she is when she thinks no one's looking, how much I love both of you, how much I love it when the three of us are together," he said, then let out a quick and quiet hum, turning his attention to me. "How I love it when she's between us, and I can feel you, feel her, feel everything. Or when you're between us."

For several minutes, until I felt wrinkled hands against mine, we touched and caressed and just loved. As the water began to get cool, we cleaned ourselves and each other, bringing the playfulness back into the space around us. Laughter bounced off the walls in the bathroom, and we were just genuinely happy together.

When we were dry, we slid under the sheets and blankets again, turned on a pay-per-view movie, and snuggled. What had been small, soft touches during the movie turned into more aggressive, rough, sexual teasing.

As the credits rolled, James and I moved the blankets off the bed and our bodies between Bella's legs. One of his hands was with mine, fingers teasing her soft flesh and dipping inside. Each of us had a hand on the other's body as well, though, and when our tongues met in the middle, circling and flicking her clit, our kisses were hard and frantic. Like predators that had finally captured its prey, we feasted on her body together. A brief break after an orgasm would be followed by more tongues, more fingers, more, more, more.

Spent, Bella fisted our hair, pulling us away, and James turned, angling our bodies together in a sixty-nine position next to her. Her hands touched and lips plucked at our skin as we sucked each other passionately. I lost track of James and Bella's hands, content that someone was touching me in fantastic places, and worked my mouth over James's cock, my hands stroking his perineum. I lifted my mouth off of him just enough to slick my finger, then dove back on, dipping just the tip of my wet finger inside him. It was enough, and he came hard and hot, spilling down my throat as I swallowed. Moments later, my body released in the same way.

We fell asleep just like that – James's head down at our feet. I couldn't help but laugh when I woke up and saw. I snuck out of the room to order room service, and put on a robe. When the food arrived, we laughed and ate, then got ready for the day with our family.

The day on the boat with Alice, Jasper, and my parents, had been perfect. The kids mostly listened, and we got to see such a variety of fish and even a few turtles. When we got back, we shared dinner at the restaurant and then everyone crowded into our suite with a few bottles of red. Alice and Jasper told us about the house they were buying, and before long, it was time to tuck the kids in. Annika and Christopher were sharing a bed, and seemed to settle in quickly.

Callie, however, wanted her usual bedtime story.

"Not the books, Pops. Nana told me a story about when you were little. Tell me one of those," she said, bouncing on the bed.

"You want to hear a story from when I was little?" I asked. Callie nodded, and I thought a little. "How about if I tell you one from when you were little?"

"Even better," she whispered.

"Well, when you were about nine months old-"

"Six months," Bella interrupted, somehow already knowing the story I was going to tell.

"Nine months old," I said, squeezing her hand. "Mama and I walked right by your daddy. He was sitting in this little outdoor cafe and I could see his colorful arms. That was the first thing I noticed, but do you know what the second thing was?"

Of course, I'd left out the part about how fucking hot James was, or the fact that it was more than his ink that caught my eye. He seemed so secure in himself, this muscled man with ink and a baby, babbling away and not caring what anyone around him thought.

Callie shook her head no.

"You. I couldn't believe this big scruffy guy with a leather jacket and ink all over his arms was so soft and sweet with his baby. I mean, of course I know now, but I just had all these ideas, I guess," I rambled. "Anyway, he was talking to you and playing with you, even while he ate, and it was just the sweetest thing. We sat and watched you guys, and at some point, your daddy noticed us watching. He smiled at us, and the rest is history. We fell in love."

Callie's eyebrows furrowed and her mouth pursed slightly.

"But, if I didn't come from Mama's belly like Chris and Anni, whose belly did I come outta?"

It had taken six years, but in about five seconds, Callie had managed to hit us with the question we most dreaded. I was glad James had been there, too, to field it.

"A very kind lady's, Princess."

I bit my lip to hold in the snort of laughter at James's description of her. She'd been anything but kind.

"She brought you into this world, then gave you to me. Best gift I ever got." James leaned down and kissed her nose. "Bedtime now, baby. Love you."

We knew and had agreed that we'd never tell Callie the truth – that James had begged her mother not to have an abortion. As soon as she'd given birth, she signed away all parental rights to her, only to come back when she'd found out James was involved with us (her words) and tried her best to regain custody just out of spite. She told him late one night she didn't even want Callie, she just thought what we had was wrong and she wanted to stir up trouble for us.

I still don't know what James did or said, but she stopped pursuing custody and harassing us after he'd met with her close to our court date.

After he'd closed the bedroom door, he took each of our hands and we stood, embracing awkwardly in the cramped hallway.

"I love you guys," he said softly before kissing each of us. "Thank you for saving me."

He didn't need to explain; we'd been through enough over the years to know how deep James's depression had gotten after Callie's mom left. He'd told us countless times how much we meant to him, and somehow, he'd been the missing piece for Bella and me.

We rejoined the family in the sitting area, and I knew it was just the first of many difficult questions from the kids, but somehow, I knew we'd make it together. We had each other, and we had an amazing foundation of love and support.

We were so damn lucky. I could only hope we'd have many more years of the same happiness, as I sat and planned the perfect anniversary night for us.

Paper Moon - Chapter 20

2011-08-21T21:27:00.000-07:00

A/N: My wholehearted thanks to my beta, TwilightMundi, who got this back to me with super speed. Thank you, bb. I couldn't do this without you. My thanks also to my pre-reader, afeistyginger, who didn't have time to pre-read this week because I slack and barely finished writing it!

~%~

After tossing some laundry into the dryer and texting Jasper to say goodnight, I crawled into bed and closed my eyes. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

The next week was busy with work. I had dinner with Alice at my place on Monday and we talked about her lunch with Rose and Bella, and what had happened with Emmett and Rose. There was really no excuse for his behavior, and although I knew it came from a place of deep hurt, it just wasn't okay. When Alice was in the bathroom, I sent a few texts back and forth with Em and we made plans for basketball after work Thursday. I wanted to make more time to spend with him and put more effort into our friendship.

Of course, we also talked about how things were going in our relationships. There wasn't really much new I had to say or talk about, so I relaxed and let Alice take the lead with the talking. When she talked about how she was waiting for her letter from Brandon's adoptive parents that she usually got at his birthday, her voice wavered.

We lamented the fact that we'd need to find someplace permanent to live, but neither of us really were in a hurry. Thankfully, we had plenty of time to figure things out. After we made plans to go car shopping for her on the following day and said goodnight, she went back to her apartment.

Even though I was sure he was asleep, I sent a text to Jasper letting him know how much I was thinking about him.

The buzz of my phone against my nightstand was what woke me up in the morning.

Sorry I missed your text last night. Good morning.

A smile spread across my face and my cock hardened as I texted him back, even though my words were an innocent return greeting.

We traded teasing, flirty texts until I had to get ready for work. During my shower, I took matters into my own hands and ensured I'd have a little shred of sanity for the day. Though it was Tuesday and I knew he had plans with Bella post-volunteering, I still planned to call him when he got home, and I kept imagining what we'd talk about. There'd be the usual catching up, but ung. There'd be more, I was almost sure. Even with the shower wank, that line of thinking led to a string of inappropriate thoughts.

By the time I left the office, I was keeping my laptop bag in front of my lower half to shield my erection from Bella.

My cock bobbed in my boxers once I was home and partially undressed, making dinner. The pepper I'd sliced and popped into my mouth suddenly became a piece of food from Jasper's fingers, teasing my mouth and sliding against my lips on the way out. The glass of red I had while I ate didn't help. By the time Jasper texted me after dinner and before his drive home, I'd had three more generous glasses and was in bed.

Still awake? he'd asked via text, and I didn't bother to reply. Pressing a few buttons, I sank into my pillows as the phone rang.

"Hey," he said.

He sounded tired. Exhausted, really.

"Hi," I said. "How was your day?"

What I really wanted to say was, hi, come over so we can fuck.

"Brutal." A huge gust of air from him caused me to pull the phone away from my ear just a bit.

"Sorry, Jasper. Want to talk about it, or do you want me to distract you?"

Please pick distraction.

His voice was full of ache, and not any sort of innuendo when he said, "Distract me, please."

I hesitated; he needed something more than my perpetually horny thoughts, but what better way to distract and relax him? I decided to just go for it.

"I've been hard all fucking day."

The answering laugh from Jasper eased my fears and lightened the tone and mood of the conversation.

"Yeah?"

"Yep," I said.

Jasper groaned. "Now I'm hard, too, and stuck in my car."

Even though he was in his car, I could hear fabric rustle and shift, and I smiled imagining him palming his cock practically in public.

"Poor baby," I said. "Whatever shall we do? How close to home are you?"

"Not close enough," he mumbled. "Ten minutes, maybe."

"Ten minutes until your cock is in your hand. Fuck."

"Why don't you live closer? I'd much rather my cock was in your hand," he said.

I laughed. "Me too. I guess my own will just have to suffice for now."

"You gonna torture me while I drive?"

"I just might," I said. "How do you feel about desks?"

"Desks?" he half-laughed. "I like mine well enough, Mr. Random. You in the market for a new desk?"

If only he knew.

"No, but today at work, I kept thinking about what it might be like for you to visit me at lunch someday. How I'd take you to the sushi place I love around the corner, then bring you back and bend you over on the cold wood."

As I spoke, my hand wrapped around my shaft; slow and careful pulls were followed by a release and return to the base.

"Can I fuck you on my desk, Jasper?"

"You can fuck me anywhere you want," he breathed.

"Anywhere?"

"Anytime, anywhere, any way you want."

Fuuuuck.

"Well, today at least, it was my desk. Your ass."

"Is this like a deviant version of Clue?" Jasper asked, laughing. "My cock, your ass, the library!"

"You do have an ass I'd like to do illegal things to," I said. "Round, perfect for biting or fucking, not too hairy."

"You have a thing for biting."

"I kinda do," I confessed. "Does that bug you?"

"Nope. We all have our own things."

"That's true. What are your things?"

"I dunno. I like to slap your ass, does that count?" he asked.

"Sure, of course," I said, laughing. "I like it when you slap my ass."

A beat passed between us and I realized we'd diverted from our original dirty conversation. That was fine; if Jasper really needed to talk and be distracted in non-sexual ways, I could do that too. In an effort to focus on him, I moved my hand to rest on my chest.

"I like to do more than just slap your ass," he said quietly. He clearly wasn't ashamed, it wasn't that kind of quiet; it was more of a deep, low, sexy-as-fuck quiet.

"Yeah?"

"I like to do lots of things to your ass. Though I haven't gotten to do them nearly enough."

"You could come over tonight," I suggested.

"I wish I could," he said with a sigh. "The phone will have to suffice until I can have your ass in person again."

My hand had gone back to stroking my cock. "I like the sound of that."

"You want me to fuck you? I thought this was your fantasy and I was bent over your desk, you fucking me?"

I was a very lucky guy.

Grabbing my lube, I let a few drops fall onto my palm.

"Mhm," I said. "I definitely do want to bend you over my desk. Put my fingers inside you and get you nice and ready."

My breathing escalated as my orgasm drew closer, and I sucked in a large breath.

"Thank fuck I'm home," Jasper mumbled. "Give me two more minutes. Don't get too far without me."

As I heard the garage door closing behind him, I imagined him stripping away the layers of his day. Finally, a soft thud and he was clearly in bed, undressed, ready for me.

"Now, I believe you were telling me about how you wanted to get me ready for that beautiful cock of yours."

I could hear the smile on his face as he spoke and I settled into my spot a little more comfortably.

"Well, I wouldn't want to hurt you. I'd take my time, get you good and relaxed and ready. Then I'd tease you a little, I think," I said. "Slide just the tip in and out a few times."

Stroking my cock in exactly the way I described as I spoke, my hips lifted on their own. I could close my eyes and imagine it was his body I was moving in, not my fingers tightened around the tip.

"I like that," he said softly. "I like it when you tease me."

"I know you do. I can't tease you much, though. I want to be buried all the way inside you when I come, so I'd push in. Stop and let you adjust. Push farther. When I was all the way in, I'd reach around your hips and lift you just a little, position you exactly how I want you with your ass up so I can watch."

Jasper groaned and I could tell my attention to detail had paid off. I must've been getting good at the phone sex thing, I noted.

"I don't want to pound into you, not this time. I want to go slow and watch every centimeter of my cock disappear into you, then pull out and do it again. And again. And again."

I didn't speak again; the line was mostly quiet, save for our noises now and then. I knew we were both filling in the blanks of the fantasy in our heads, and just hearing him work his body to a frenzy was enough.

Not surprisingly, I came first, spilling into my hand as I grunted. Hearing his breathing halt, I assumed he was coming too, and got up to wash my hands. I flopped back into bed, under the covers this time, and not for the first time that night, wished he was there with me.

"Edward?" he asked, pulling me from my mini internal pity party.

"Yeah?"

"That was the best distraction I've had in weeks."

We laughed together again. "You're welcome," I said.

"I think you phone fucked me stupid," he said, his voice all dreamy and airy. "Time for sleep."

"Goodnight, J."

"Night."

Tapping the end call button, I plugged my phone in to charge and rolled over after a quick drink of water.

~%~

Helping Alice car shop on Wednesday was more fun than chore. I loved talking to her about all the different cars and test driving them with her. She finally settled on a WV bug and we made plans to have dinner Friday, then went our separate ways.

On Thursday, I packed a bag with my basketball shorts, shoes, and shirt, ready for my game with Emmett directly after work. I changed in my office and when I said goodbye to Bella, she raised an eyebrow.

"You and Jas playing some ball tonight?" she asked.

"Uh," I said, shifting awkwardly at the potential double entendre. "No. I'm hanging out with Emmett."

"Ooh! Have fun."

We met at the indoor court at my parents' house since the weather was gross, greeting each other with the traditional guy handshake/shoulder check movement.

"Sup, bro?" he asked.

"Not much, but lots, know what I mean?"

"Not really," he said, shaking his head.

As we dribbled, shot, and sweated, we talked.

"How's Jasper?"

"He's good," I said with a smile. "What this I hear about you having a date with Rose on Friday?"

Emmett shrugged and the tiniest smile crossed his face. "Least I can do, you know?"

"Where are you taking her?"

Emmett named an upscale restaurant downtown.

"Nice. I'm impressed."

"Keep your skirt on, it's just an apology date," he said.

"Oh, trust me, Emmett, I don't expect you to shape up and behave like a normal human anytime soon."

The tension was thick as we finished our game, Emmett having handed me my ass. Whatever.

"Shower and food?" he asked.

I was surprised; I expected him to just leave, like always. I was such an asshole – I would certainly have left, had someone said something like that to me. Emmett from two years ago would have left.

Agreeing to the dinner plan, we both walked inside. Emmett went to his domain and I used the guest bathroom and got changed. Dinner was less tense and stressful, thankfully, and we talked about work and Jasper. That made me smile, and Em seemed to genuinely be happy for me. We'd driven to the restaurant separately, and after another weird man hug, we said goodnight.

During my drive back to my apartment, I called Jasper and we made plans to hang out at my place Saturday afternoon. I hinted that he could pack a bag and make it a sleepover and he said he'd think about it. I was pretty sure he was just teasing and planned to definitely stay the night, but I wasn't one hundred percent sure. Not knowing, I decided, would just make it a lovely surprise if he did stay.

Thankfully, work on Friday went by quickly and I was eating with Alice before I knew it. We'd agreed to go out to a fancy dinner, then see a movie together. I wanted her to know that even though she had Bella, she could still count on me.

"So," I said, sipping my wine. "How are things going? Did you decide if you want to work with Mom or open a studio? How's Bella? Has she sent you any more flowers or poems? How are you feeling these days?"

"Slow down, weirdo," she said, laughing. "First, I'm feeling … surprisingly okay. I've had some sad days, but mostly just even, thankfully. I think I'm going to tell Bella. Do you think that's a good idea?"

"I'm not sure. Do you think it's a good idea?" I wasn't deflecting, I just wanted to talk more about it, explore the idea, and see if we could come to an answer together.

"Yeah, I really do. I trust her, and I don't want to get too far into this without telling her. It's important, you know?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. I just worry for you."

"I think it'll be fine, E. I trust her not to judge me based on my past. I think she gets it."

"How was working with Mom?" I asked, trying to delicately change the topic.

"It was good," Alice said, her voice lightening. "You know how she is."

I couldn't imagine working with Mom every day, but I always knew how close she and Alice were, and when they worked together, it was amazing to see.

The rest of the meal passed easily, and we sat together on my couch to watch a movie. Both of us were attached to our phones, texting back and forth with Jasper and Bella. After a few minutes, we agreed to set our phones aside. I was glad Jasper and I had made plans to hang out the next day; I couldn't wait to see him.

I must've fallen asleep and startled awake when I felt Alice lift away from me.

"What time is it?" I said, sleep voice in full effect.

We stood up together, her arms wrapping around my waist.

"I don't know, but time for me to go. Thanks for everything, Edward. Love you."

"Love you too, Alice."

I watched her walk out to the elevator, then disappear into it. After I crawled into bed, I let a few thoughts swirl in my mind about my life. I thought about what I wanted and needed; where I saw myself heading. Where I saw Jasper and me heading.

When I fell asleep, my dreams were a swirl of court cases I'd been working on and things I knew I wanted. A house. Children. Someone's hand in mine forever.

Saturday morning, I went to the gym and got in a good workout. I spent some time in the sauna, still deep in thought. Everything with Jasper was so new, and some small part of me worried things would go in the wrong direction again, as they had with Adam.

I didn't know how to build that trust with someone again, once it had been so completely shattered. Was it even possible? The heat and oppression of the room surrounded me almost like a blanket, and I enjoyed watching my skin turn pink and then red. The sweat beading and falling down my skin was somehow comforting to me.

Finally, after what was probably too long in the little box of heat, I decided it would all work out. Worrying wouldn't change anything and I couldn't prevent Jasper from doing shitty things, if that's what he wanted to do. I could hope, though.

By the time I got back home, Jasper was there and waiting. He looked haggard, almost. More disheveled than I'd ever seen him.

"You okay?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. It's been an amazingly terrible day."

Jasper sat and I could see his hand reach for mine, then pull back. He'd never seemed so uncertain of himself before, and it scared me a little.

"Want to talk about it? We can go, we don't have to-"

"Not yet, and no, we're not leaving."

That time, he did take my hand. When he squeezed, I looked up into his eyes and saw them soften a little.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I'll be okay. I just want to grab a beer and eat a bit. We'll talk about it when we get back."

His smile filled my heart with warmth and made my pants tighten. For the walk to my car, we held hands and spoke no words. The silence continued on the drive, and I began to panic that something was very wrong with Jasper. Obviously, whatever it happened to be was weighing on him heavily.

We ordered and ate, sitting across the table from each other. I took in every detail of his shirt, his face, and memorized everything.

Food gone, beer drained, Jasper sat back and slumped a bit. "Ready to go?" he asked once the bill had been paid.

Nodding, I stood and began to walk back to my car. When he was walking beside me, I took his hand in mine, my thumb rubbing over the space between his thumb and forefinger softly. I cursed when I had to let him go, and smiled again when he took my hand back in his as I drove.

At my place, I saw him walk to his car and worried briefly he was leaving. He hadn't said goodbye, though, or indicated he wanted to cut the afternoon short, so I was confused until he opened his trunk and grabbed a duffel bag.

The grin that spread across his face as he walked back to me made my heart beat faster. It was nice to see him almost back to his usual self.

As I slid my key in the door lock, Jasper pressed against me. I was pinned and trapped, but not in a bad way. In a get this fucking door open already sort of way.

"Hurry the fuck up, Edward," he growled.

"Trying," I rasped. "You're crushing me, Hulk."

Jasper let out a small laugh, but pulled back ever so slightly. His stubbly facial hair scraped along the skin on my neck and he bit harder than he'd ever bitten before. The door finally opened and my breathing picked up; I was half scared at his aggression and half turned on.

Through what turned out to be a spectacular fuck, Jasper held onto the slight edge of anger and assertiveness. There was nothing I didn't want, and he never crossed any lines, but it wasn't the loving, emotional connection we'd shared before.

By the time we made it to my bed, we were exhausted. Portions of my back stung from fingernail scratches. My mind was a mess.

Somehow, we managed to fall asleep. When I woke up, the sun was gone and Jasper had pulled me close to his body. His chest surrounded me, shoulders and arms seeming to swallow me whole in a protective covering. This small thing eased my fears immensely, though I couldn't pinpoint why. Maybe it was the balance of sweet caring from the disconnection of earlier.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep," I responded. "Did you sleep too?"

Turning, I moved to face him so I could look at him while we talked. Okay, and kiss.

"No. Too much going on upstairs. I just needed to be close to you, although I have to take a wicked piss, so I'm glad you're up."

A few more kisses slid between our mouths and he got up. I followed; just the suggestion provoked the urge in me, too.

"Shower?"

"Yeah, that sounds good actually," Jasper said. "I didn't get one this morning."

While we waited for the water to warm, Jasper pulled me into his arms again. Once it was hot, we climbed in and I decided my new place would need a bigger shower for sure, although I enjoyed that there wasn't enough room to be too far apart.

I wanted to ease whatever pain he had pent up, and washed his body carefully. Soap slithered between us, chest-to-chest and mouth-to-mouth as our hands roamed. The intent wasn't to excite, but just to feel. This was the reconnection I'd sought and missed.

"Things are falling apart with two of my kids," he said quietly. His forehead rested on mine, and I took a deep breath. Before I could speak to ask questions, he continued. "He loves her so much. I can't figure it all out. Why would she do that?"

His half-sentences were all I could coax out.

"You'll figure it out, Jasper. I know you will."

His cryptic words ended there, and we rinsed off, climbing out together and planning the rest of our night. We watched a movie, ate popcorn, and fell asleep together.

Sunday morning, we ran. We sweated. We loved. I was no closer to figuring out what Jasper was going through at work, but that was okay. When the day drew to a close, he drove away after a kiss and a promise to see each other that week.

Monday after work, I got a text from Jasper asking about a double date that Saturday with Alice and Bella. The thought delighted me, so of course I said yes.

Jasper and I talked several times over the course of the week, and I was glad to notice a slight ease sneak into his demeanor each day. By the time it was Saturday and we were eating with Alice and Bella, he seemed back to his old self.

When Alice invited us to Vegas, I jumped at the chance. It seemed like a great, stress-free way to spend a few days together and see how things would be outside of work and real life, just together.

That night, we stayed at Jasper's house. His bed was huge and comfortable, and I really wanted to spend more time in it.

Sunday was casual and easy. We made breakfast together, touching and bumping into each other, and kissing. I'd never just allowed myself to sink into a kiss, like I had with Jasper. His lips were so soft and the way he used them... it was unlike anything else I'd experienced. My entire body relaxed when his mouth was pressed against mine.

I could tell he was nervous when it was time to go to the family dinner my mom had requested we attend.

"It'll be okay," I reassured. "You already met them. It's easy with them."

"I know," he said, smiling at me.

Still, his muscles were tensed as he pulled his slacks on. I had to laugh; he was getting far more dressed up than any of us ever did, but he said it made him feel more comfortable. He wanted to show my parents respect, and for that, I couldn't be anything but overwhelmingly glad and grateful.

As usual, Mom made too much food, but it was all so good we couldn't help but stuff ourselves. The after-dinner coffee and dessert didn't help. I liked that my parents' house was a safe place for all of us. Bella and Alice sat together snuggled on the oversized chair, and Jasper and I held hands on the love seat.

Emmett excused himself after a bit to get Hannah ready for bed, and I knew it was just a flimsy justification to leave.

Not wanting the night to end, we stayed way too late. By the time I got home, I was exhausted but happier than ever.

My usual routine of lying in bed and thinking about the week caught up with me, and I smiled when I thought about Alice and her life, how it was morphing and growing into what she deserved.

Over the next few weeks, I met with Alice several times to discuss her studio and the details of running it. We usually spent Tuesday nights having dinner, since Jasper and Bella were busy. It was so nice to be around her again; I'd truly forgotten just how much I enjoyed her.

Even Emmett seemed to make more time for me, playing basketball when he could, or just hanging out over burgers and beer at my parents' house. I could feel his weight lifting, see the bags and dark circles under his eyes diminish just the tiniest bit. I suspected it had something to do with Rose, but didn't dare ask. The topic had become somewhat taboo, mostly because she was my boss and somewhat because I didn't want to lose this kinship I had with my brother, now that I'd found it again. He wasn't always quite the asshole I imagined him to be, which surprised me.

Jasper and I usually saw each other on Wednesdays for lunch, and then spent Friday nights together. His attendance at Sunday dinner wasn't constant, but I knew he tried when he could. Something was still brewing at work, and he'd finally told me more about the situation. As Thanksgiving loomed, he became uncertain he could even go to Vegas, which disappointed me.

My bags were packed, and the night before our flight, he called me to talk.

"I don't know if I should go. I don't know if I can go. It's so fucked up around here."

"Slow down, J. What's going on now?"

"She told him she didn't want him to go home with her for Thanksgiving. He's devastated. All of his drawings have taken a turn. I'm afraid for him."

As the sharper details of what was going on came out, I ached for Jasper. The reality, though, was that he couldn't save anyone who didn't want to be saved. He couldn't sleep in this kid's room with him, or be there twenty-four hours a day – he just couldn't.

Paper Moon - Chapter 19

2011-08-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

A/N: Infinite thanks to my beta, TwilightMundi, and my pre-reader, afeistyginger.

When I could look into her eyes, I smiled against her mouth, then felt her lips tug into the grin I love. For the first time in my life, I made love to a woman. For the second time in my life, I allowed myself to be thoroughly and completely loved by someone.

The rest of the day was spent exchanging sections of the paper, passing the crossword puzzle back and forth, and watching movies. We made popcorn and lounged the entire time. When I whined that we needed something more substantial for dinner, instead of getting dressed and going out, we ordered pizza for delivery.

I was almost too full for a cupcake, but when I put the leftover pizza in the fridge, they looked so tempting in their pink box on the counter. I smiled as I pulled a few out and onto a plate, thinking about how I'd enjoy them – and Alice – for dessert. The thought made my heart skip faster.

When I got back to her in the living room, I pushed aside the robe she'd put on before the pizza showed up. I ran my fingertip through the chocolate buttercream, then left swipes of the melting frosting at the base of her neck, her collarbone, and finally a swirl around each nipple. The texture of the sugary buttercream against her silky skin was a delightful contrast. My tongue reached out and lapped at her nipple as her breathing increased.

Alice's hands tugged at my hair, releasing it from the pencil I'd wrapped it in. When it was free, her hands pulled and guided, moving my mouth around her breasts. I pushed her robe lower, then gathered more frosting. We continued licking and biting each other, and sometimes the cupcakes, teasing each other for what felt like hours.

A sugar coma took over after we were sated – in every respect – and we laid on the couch quietly watching as the sun set. The colors went from brilliant orange to the tame and soft grey of night. Our time together, like the day, was coming to a close.

"Naked tub time before you go?" I asked.

"I can't," she said quietly. "Naked tub time should never be less than an hour, and I have to get to sleep. More building talks and work in the morning."

"How's it going?"

"Good, good. I'm meeting with my mom all this week to see if there's a spot for me there. I can't decide which one I want to do, that or a dance studio, so I'm just trying to figure it out."

"I'm proud of you, Alice."

"Thank you, Bee. I'm kind of proud of the way my life's going lately, too. Hey, you wanna have lunch with my mom next week? I don't know her schedule, but I'm sure we'd be able to work it out one of the days I'm there."

"Yeah, I'd like that a lot."

"I do have time for a quick shower," she suggested, turning to face me and wiggling her eyebrows.

We finally found the energy to sit up, then stand. We made our way to the shower, soaking up the final few moments of our time together. When the thought of asking her to move in danced through my head, I almost burst into laughter. Who was I, and what had I done with the former shell of myself from just a few months ago, I wondered for about the hundredth time.

Once Alice left, I curled into bed and thought more about us. Was it her presence that had prompted the change, or my own exhaustion with the life I'd been living? She was so inherently good and pure; did I deserve someone like her?

I fell asleep and had nightmare after nightmare of Alice leaving me. The reason always varied, but the result was always the same heart-wrenching agony of her walking away. I woke up sweaty, covered in my own tears, and drained.

I somehow made it through Monday, zombie-like and highly caffeinated. I'd exchanged a few texts with Alice, but knew she had to focus and concentrate during the day while she did her internship with her mom and thought about the possibilities of running a studio. Jasper and I saw each other at the gym in the morning and I'd gone to lunch with Rose, who went on and on about her date with Emmett.

I couldn't remember a time I'd been so surrounded by people and love, not to mention support.

Rose told me in even greater detail how much of a jerk Emmett had been at the Sunday family brunch. I was surprised she gave him a second chance, but again, she shrugged and blew me off without a real explanation. She said she couldn't really explain it – she felt there wasn't a grand explanation, just her giving a guy a chance. There was a new lightness to her, though, and we made plans to shop Wednesday after work; she apparently needed a new outfit for her second date with Emmett the following Friday.

Before Alice came into my life, I thought my nights were full and satisfying, but as I undressed and climbed into my empty bed, I realized again how lonely it was without her there. I wondered if it was insane to ask her to move in, so I texted Jasper to ask. My phone rang ten seconds later.

"What's up, cowboy?" I teased.

"My cock," came his usual reply.

"Gross, J. Gross."

"Sorry," he said, snickering. "You asked."

"How's Edward?" I asked, switching the topic.

His voice was smug and light as he spoke. "So good," he said, humming a little. "You have no idea."

"I bet he's good. He's a pretty one."

"Smart, too," Jasper said, putting on his hick voice.

"Duh. Why do you think I hired him?"

"It wasn't just his charm and looks?"

"Hey, wanna double date on Saturday?" I asked, random thoughts scattering in my brain.

"Sure. Let me ask Edward tomorrow."

"Like you aren't tapping out a text to him right now," I replied. "God, you're so whipped. Who'd have thought, Jasper Whitlock, settled down. What comes next, two point five kids?"

"Shut it, Swan. And yeah, he's free. Let me know what Alice says. See you for another ass kicking in the morning?"

"You got it."

Talking to Jasper eased my fears a bit even though I hadn't asked about the whole moving in thing, and as I typed out my own text to Alice to ask her about Saturday night, I smiled. I realized I'd been doing a lot of that lately, and that just made the smile grow. I was turning into a sappy fuck for sure.

That night, I didn't have any nightmares.

Jasper didn't kick my ass on the racquetball court the next morning – I won all three games, and we had a great time volunteering together that night. I called Alice on my way home and did my best to control myself a little. I'd come to the conclusion somewhere in the last few days that I wanted her to know how much I wanted her – not just her body, but her mind and her heart, and I thought the best way to show her that would be to back away just a little from basically trying to fuck her non-stop.

Once I was home, I realized it was too late to call my mom due to the time difference, so I decided to make the call the following night after work.

Wednesday I met Alice and Esme for lunch at a cute bistro down the road from the warehouse Esme's office was in.

Everyone exchanged hugs, Alice adding in a kiss to her greeting, and we sat together like graceful Ladies Who Lunch. Well, maybe not exactly like that, with the way Alice and I flirted and kissed, but still. It was … weird to be with her mom there, watching us. Esme's support was interesting to experience out in public. I'd been hesitant to sit too close to Alice, but she just scooted her chair closer, lacing her dainty fingers through mine without a care in the world.

"You girls are adorable," Esme said. "When are you going to come over again?"

Alice and I exchanged a look, then laughed. I shrugged. "Whenever you'd like, Esme."

"Great!" she said. "Sunday dinner?"

"Oh, Mom, are you really still trying to resurrect Sunday dinner?" Alice groaned.

Esme waved in Alice's direction. "Shush, you. Yes I am. I need to learn more about your girlfriend."

"All you need to know is how great she is, and how happy she makes me," Alice said before turning to me for another kiss.

Alice's mother huffed, then pulled out an old school planner and wrote in the Sunday dinner plans, mumbling about telling Carlisle and Emmett to be there. I wondered if that meant Rose would get an invitation, but brushed that idea off; surely whatever it was between them was too new.

"How's your day going, working together?" I asked.

They took turns telling me all about the work they were getting done, and although the details were lost on me, I enjoyed watching them talk about each other and learning how they interacted. When it was time to go, we said our goodbyes and I held onto Alice as long as I could.

The rest of my workday was long and boring, and once I was home and changed into my pajamas, I settled onto my bed for the call to my mom.

"Oh, honey, I'm so glad you called," was my mother's greeting.

I was startled. "You are?"

"Of course I am. I miss you so much when we don't talk."

"You do?"

"You're so silly. Of course I do, Bella."

"Why don't you ever call me?" I asked, skeptical of what she was saying. If she missed me so much, why didn't she put more effort into it?

"I used to. You just never called me back, so I guess I stopped calling you so much. How are you?"

Just like that, she moved on. Her explanation hit me so hard, though, I couldn't seem to make the words come out of my mouth.

I'd ignored my own mother for months on end, and when I finally called her, she held no bitterness, just love and concern for me.

Swallowing the lump that had developed in my throat, I managed to eke out a small, "Good."

"Just good? Everything okay? Wait, why are you calling me? Are you sick? Do you need anything?"

"Slow down, Mom," I said, laughing. "I'm good, I promise. I'm not sick. I was just calling to check in with you and see how you are. I didn't realize … I didn't realize it had been so long."

"How's Jasper?"

Her voice was hopeful, as usual when it came to Jasper.

"He's good," I said. "Has a new boyfriend."

Her voice was low, wounded. "Oh.

"Well, how about your job, honey?"

"Everything's good at the firm. I'm sure Rose tells you all about that," I said. I lowered my voice at the new topic I was nervous to broach. "I have a new girlfriend."

I wanted to tread lightly, but not avoid the truth. I knew my being gay was always hard for my mom, but there had never been anyone that stuck around long enough to talk about with her.

"Yeah?"

"Yep," I said. "Her name is Alice."

"Is she nice?"

I smiled, thinking about some of her best qualities. "The nicest."

"Is she good to you?" she asked.

"So good, Mom. You'd love her."

The line was quiet for several beats, and I wondered if she would shy away from being a part of my life now that my sexuality was so blatant and unavoidable to deny.

"That's good. I'm glad you're happy."

"How's Phil?"

In stark contrast to my minuscule responses, she went on for several minutes, gushing repeatedly about Phil. Her life was great, she said, and Phil was wonderful. She was having more fun than ever, and I couldn't begrudge her that. She'd loved my dad, but now he was gone and she deserved to be happy.

Before we hung up, she paused and seemed to choke up, though I couldn't be sure. She reminded me again just how much she loved me, then promised to call the following week.

The next day at work, Alice had sent me a quick email asking about our trip to Vegas. October was upon us, and she was eager to cash in our ballet tickets as well as the mini vacation she'd planned. I was knee-deep in cases, so I told her I couldn't go anytime that month, and when she suggested Thanksgiving, I told her I'd think about it. The thought of vacation, Alice, alcohol, and gambling made me giddy.

I called her Friday after work and we talked for hours – until we both had to close our eyes and go to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I took my time getting ready for the day. I was in the shower longer than normal, and used a deep conditioning treatment for my hair. When I was done, feeling super-pampered, I got dressed in comfortable clothes and picked out my dress for dinner that night.

Alice came over around noon for a light lunch and to get ready together. When we were ready, we walked to Jasper's house and said hello to the boys. Jasper drove, and having dinner with them was as easy as if we'd been doing it for years. Conversation flowed, and Jasper talked about work while Alice relayed how her week had been and the pros and cons of her upcoming decision about her future and career.

I was surprised but not upset when Alice invited Edward and Jasper to Las Vegas with us, and not at all surprised when they enthusiastically agreed to go. Alice said she wanted to invite Rose and Emmett too, so it seemed like it would be all of us, which was great. I texted Rose and she promised to think about it, but wasn't ready to agree right then, and made it clear that even if she agreed to go, it wasn't going to be a room sharing kind of event for her.

On the drive back to Jasper's house, we all brainstormed and talked about what we could see and do in Vegas. I was looking forward to it, and I thought Alice's idea of going for Thanksgiving was brilliant. After we said goodbye to Jasper and Edward, we walked back to my place hand-in-hand, and I wondered if we'd go straight to bed. I still wanted to make it clear to Alice that she was more to me than a form of sexual release, so I decided to do my best to not attack her.

We changed and crawled into bed together, Alice in her soft and comfortable cotton tank and panties, and me in similar. The room was dark and quiet, our breathing the loudest thing I could hear, and I realized I had more questions.

"Alice, do your parents know about Brandon?"

"No," she said. "I've never told them."

"You don't plan to?"

"Not really. I just don't see what good it would do, you know? What's done is done."

I could understand that, I decided. We faced each other and I ran my fingers through her hair, smoothing the strands and exposing more of her beautiful features to me. Her eyes always seemed to enchant me, and as I stared into them, I realized she was staring back at me.

"God, I love you."

The words tumbled out as I saw so much of my future in her. I could see her belly large and round. I could see her in a white dress at the end of a long aisle. I could see picket fences and shit I never imagined I'd get. I didn't know how much of it was realistic, or why I was even thinking such things about her already, I just was. I was also still logical enough to realize I didn't need to go telling her everything I was thinking.

Alice smiled and brought her lips to mine. As our bodies tangled as our lips played, pulling and pushing against each other. Her tongue was soft and warm in my mouth, sweetly teasing me.

The fact that she didn't return my declaration didn't scare me; I wasn't used to hearing it from anyone other than Jasper and Rose, but I'd have been lying if I said I didn't want her to feel the same. She'd told me she was falling for me, but maybe that path was different for her. Maybe she didn't love me yet, and that was okay, but I knew for sure how I felt because it was so startlingly different from anything or anyone I'd experienced.

My thoughts were brought back to her body when I felt her thighs surround my leg. I'd been so wrapped up in my brain that I missed her reaching into the drawer for the Rock Chic – the toy I'd used with her that first time. When I saw it lying next to her, I raised an eyebrow.

"My turn," she said.

After some wiggling and laughter, we were ready and the lightness morphed into serious lust. Alice teased me more, sliding her body against mine and stopping just short of where I wanted her to be. Her lips and fingers teased and toyed with my breasts as my hips raised to press against her body. We moved together slowly at first, the vibrations from the toy shooting through both of our bodies.

Alice's hands continued their assault on my body, but eventually laced between my hands, resting her weight on her knees as she lifted my hands above my head. With our hands joined, she brought her body harder against mine, sliding in longer strokes, until all I could do was writhe and whimper beneath her as my orgasm shook my entire body. Her mouth descended from my lips to my neck and her breath was hot and wet against my skin as she moaned a few lustful words when her climax took over.

Neither of us had the energy to reach between our bodies and turn the buzzing off, but after a minute or so, I began to laugh with the over-sensitivity and Alice finally rolled away slightly. Once she'd taken care of the issue, she laid directly on top of me again, kissing and caressing me.

So, maybe my plan to back things off on the physical side wasn't going so great. I finally decided that our overwhelming attraction to each other maybe wasn't such a bad thing and I was just an idiot to think I could fight it. I fucking wanted her and she wanted me, and there wasn't a damn thing wrong with that.

We fell asleep shortly after, Alice in her usual spot between my breasts, our bodies fused together at every possibly spot. It was a bitterly cold night outside, but amazingly comfortable and cozy in my bed.

In the morning, I woke to the smells and sounds of breakfast. Alice brought a tray in full of food, coffee, and orange juice, and we ate together.

"Ali, I forgot to ask yesterday, what are you thinking about working with your mom?"

She hummed around a bite of pancake and reached for the cup of coffee we were sharing. "I have no clue, really. They both have such advantages and disadvantages and I feel like I might never decide. And once I do, what if I make the wrong choice?"

"Well, the good thing about that is the other option should still be open, right? There's no expiration on your mom wanting to work with you, and you can always open a studio."

Alice shrugged and made a head bobbing half-agree sort of motion.

"What time is Sunday dinner?" I asked.

"Six," she said. "What'd you have in mind for today?"

"Mmm, how about we go take a dance class together at my gym?"

She bounced in bed, eyes wide and happy. "Really?"

I laughed. "Yeah. Don't get too excited, I'm just making excuses to get you in the shower later."

Winking, I stood up and grabbed some dance clothes for us. "I looked at the schedule, if we leave now, we can catch a hip hop class."

She was behind me in an instant, pulling clothes on. "I can't wait."

The class was fun, but it was way more exciting to watch her in her element. Watching Alice dance in the club had been one thing, but seeing her pick up the routine and dance in that setting was something all together different.

The promised shower after was worth the wait.

It was nice to go to Alice's parents' house for Sunday dinner. We arrived before Jasper and Edward, and I was glad we hadn't been late again. When Jasper and Edward got there, we sat in the living room with Emmett, talking.

Once the food was ready, we sat around the table eating and interacting like any normal family. Hannah sat next to Emmett, and just like I'd thought, Rose wasn't there. After having spent lunch with Esme on Wednesday, it was amusing to see her with Edward and Jasper. She seemed to embrace and accept all of her children and I had such a hard time imagining her ever in mourning over Edward. If she could come such a long way, it gave me hope for my own mother, although I kept that thought tucked away in the deepest of my secrets.

Alice and Esme talked about our plans to see The Nutcracker in December, and our group trip to Vegas was talked about. After Alice invited Emmett, she seemed to hold in the thought that she also wanted Rose to go. I knew she was tiptoeing because of Hannah, and even though Rose wasn't like Lauren, I tried to understand.

When the food was gone, Alice, Hannah and I played in the backyard. Esme was with us, off to the side, observing. The boys had offered to clean up the dishes, so we enjoyed our freedom. Hannah ran to the slides, leaving Alice and me holding hands on the swings.

"You're going to be a great mom someday," I said.

Her beaming smile told me all I needed to know. "Do you want to have kids?"

I was surprised by her question. "Do you mean have them in my life, or give birth to them?" The truth was, I didn't really know either way, but it bought me a few seconds to think.

"Both?" she half-asked, half-clarified.

"Yeah, sure. I mean, I think I could go either way. I don't know, I haven't given it a ton of thought, to be honest. I've never met someone that even made me consider it."

The unspoken hung in the air and she squeezed my hand as she kicked higher, taking her swing beyond where I'd been. Laughing, I stood and watched her. She had such capacity to be so serious one moment and so lighthearted and playful the next.

Alice agreed to spend the night with me, since she had no morning plans, and after a quick stop at her apartment for clothes and toiletries, we watched a movie on my couch.

When I woke up Monday, I smiled and stretched, thanking my lucky stars.

The next few weeks seemed to scream past me in a blur of blissful routine. Alice began the process of opening her own studio, which took up a lot of her time. I tried not to complain, but I confess I may have pouted a time or two because I missed her so fucking much.

Casually one night, she dropped the love bomb during a phone conversation. I realized it hadn't been such a huge deal to her – she'd actually felt that way before so it wasn't a twisted mental process to arrive at the emotion. Still, it cemented our relationship even more when the words had been spoken, and I looked forward to our vacation.

Rose had declined the Vegas invitation, as had Emmett, even though they'd gone on several more dates. She was being coy with me about what was going on, and I decided to give her the space she apparently needed. It was nice to go out with her a bit more though, and remind us of how much we valued each other and our relationship.

Sunday dinners at Carlisle and Esme's had become a regular part of our week. Despite the stress and insanity of Alice's business, we always made time for the casual but important night together. Being a part of her family brought me closer to her in ways I hadn't anticipated, and I found myself bonding with Hannah and feeling a little tug at my heart when I had to say goodbye. I even began to enjoy Emmett's company.

As the night before our trip to Las Vegas approached, my bags were packed; Alice was staying the night with me. Jasper and Edward would come over in the morning and the four of us would drive to the airport together. I couldn't wait; an entire four days were mine to spend with Alice, my best friend Jasper, and Edward, whom I'd grown very close to as well. I'd planned a dinner with the four of us at the restaurant at the top of the Paris hotel, and I'd already triple checked that I'd packed away the gift I had for her.

OneShot: Unexpected Fireworks

2011-08-08T14:43:00.001-07:00

A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi, who indulges me endlessly. She is the best.

This is one big pile of Edward/Bella fluff. I hope you enjoy! Thanks to Zig for letting me write this for FMF, and giving me the 4th of July inspiration.

I hated summer.

Summer meant going home from college. Being around Charlie wasn't so bad, except his penchant for completely forgetting that I wasn't twelve anymore. He gave me my space and did his own thing, usually.

I'd gone down to La Push a few times to hang out with Jake, but the prospect of another long, boring summer loomed.

"Don't forget to pack your sunscreen," Charlie reminded as I put a few things in my beach bag.

"Dad, I get it."

Giving him a quick hip-check, we shared a smile and he waved on his way out the door, off to work. Fourth of July was always a busy day for the cops.

I packed a few snacks and a book to keep me occupied for the inevitable moments when Jake and his friends would be off tossing a football or getting into some kind of trouble. Most of the night, we'd sit on the grassy hill and do a whole lot of nothing.

Once I arrived and gave everyone the obligatory hugs and greetings, I sat on my blanket and pulled out my book. Jake, Sam, and Embry played without their shirts on a team against Quil, Seth, and Paul. When he pulled his off, Jake winked at me with a knowing smirk and nod of his head.

Maybe, I thought. Maybe I'd go home with Jake. It was easy; comfortable. We'd been together on and off when we were both single, and I knew he wasn't dating anyone at the moment.

I stole peeks at the sweaty men now and then, glancing up from my book or shifting on the blanket. I turned and laid on my stomach, feet up in the air as I picked at a cluster of grapes.

The scream I let out when a very large unlit firecracker landed right in front of me was probably enough to rattle the Earth.

"What the fuck?"

Jake and his friends ran over, hugging the man that had clearly dropped the firecracker. From their boy talk, I gathered that Edward was a close friend, but it made me curious.

"Hey, how do you know this kid?" I asked Jake, standing up to eye the pretty boy in front of me.

"Edward was on our baseball team in high school."

"What? He didn't go to Forks High, nuh uh."

"No, I went to Port Angeles Prep," Edward explained. "But I was part of the rec league down here."

"Ohhh, fancy," I teased. "This is a very large stick you have." I practically had to bite my lip at the double entendre, but I liked harmless flirting. "Do you want it back?"

"While I, uh, enjoy watching you hold my stick, unfortunately, I do need it back. It's part of the show tonight."

"What?" My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

"I can't explain right now, but I dropped it because I'm running late. Can I meet you down by the water later? I'll tell you everything you want to know about my sticks."

I gasped, hand to my chest, feigning shock. "You have more than one?"

"Yes, and I definitely know how to use them, which is exactly why I have to run. What's your name?" he asked, turning to run the opposite direction.

"Bella," I said with a wave.

Jake had been standing by me, watching the entire exchange, and when I turned to face him, he was shaking his head.

"What?"

"Someone's got it bad for Cullen."

The whole group of six boys began to tease me, football becoming a secondary concern.

"Why don't you boys go back to playing with your balls. It's about the most action you'll see tonight."

With an eyeroll, I moved back to my spot, opened my book, and settled in for more reading.

Once the sun lowered in the sky, we grilled hot dogs and ate way too many s'mores. I was surprised when a warm body slid onto the blanket beside mine.

"I thought you'd never come," I said quietly.

"That's my line," he quipped.

I rolled my eyes and bumped his shoulder.

"Sorry," he said. "I was getting things set up with my dad. I swear the man would light himself on fire if I wasn't there to help."

"Your dad is doing the fireworks?"

"Oh yeah, every year. Cullen Pyrotechnics is the best. You haven't heard of us?"

Laughing, I shook my head no. "Can't say that I have. So why'd your parents send to you an all-boy's school? Delinquent minor? Social outcast?"

"Best education money can buy. Or so they claimed. Had high hopes for me."

"Had?" I asked.

Edward nodded and I watched the way his scruff was highlighted by the fire. I wanted to nip along his jaw. Lick his lower lip. Bite his Adam's apple.

"Are you listening?" he said, fingers poking my ribs.

"Sorry." I blushed, but wasn't sorry at all. "I am now."

"Try to focus up here, on my mouth. I heard it helps for listening abilities."

Smug bastard knew what I'd been thinking, and now was baiting me. I settled my gaze on his lips and watched them while he explained.

"They wanted me to be something big. Doctor, lawyer, make loads of money like they did." He paused, darting his tongue out to wet his lips. "Just wasn't the path for me."

I wanted to tell him I knew the right path for him – whichever led us to getting naked the fastest.

"So what'd you do? I mean, what are you studying?"

"Eh, I'm not. I decided to take a few years off. I help my dad out at events like this. I help my mom out when she tapes. I volunteer."

I eyed him skeptically.

"Okay," he said, hands moving up in the classic you caught me pose. "I'm a slacker bum living off his parents. However, in my defense, if I hadn't been, I'd never have met you, and you're the best thing that's happened to me this year."

"You just met me, Prince Charming. How can you possibly know I'm the best thing about your year?"

"Call it a hunch."

He moved closer, sliding his hand into mine, and we sat shoulder-to-shoulder, watching the people around us. I'd never let someone invade my space quite like he had in that moment, but there wasn't a single thing about it that made it awkward or uncomfortable for me.

The light of the fire warmed us, and at some point, I rested my head on his shoulder. His arm slipped around my waist, and before I had a chance to think about it, his mouth lowered to mine. Our kisses started soft and sweet. A quick peck, then we'd turn back to watch our friends. A little longer kiss, broken by catcalls from the jerks that used to be our friends. Soon, I was holding myself back from pushing him down and mounting him in front of everyone.

"Edward," I whispered, "we can't keep doing this."

I implored him to understand what I was saying without forcing me to use the words.

He pulled back slightly, a horrified look on his face. "I'm that terrible of a kisser?"

"No," I said, reaching my lips to his again. "Too good."

"Think we can sneak away?" he asked.

"Like I care if anyone notices. They've watched us making out all night. We're adults. They know what comes next."

His eyebrow quirked. "You?"

"Fuck yes."

Tugging my hand, he stood faster than humanly possible, bringing me with him. At what felt like top speed, he ran and I chased, laughing the entire way. I was doubled-over from the spent energy as he undid the locks on a white van, then opened the back door and practically shoved me in. When I was inside, I realized there were no windows anywhere, except wayyyyyy up front where the driver sat.

Fuck. Yes.

His hands were hot and quick on my skin, reaching where they could. My tank top ripped as it came off my body, by his hands or my own, I wasn't sure.

Edward's hand brushed against my abdomen and as it slid up to the bottom of my bra, he let out a low growl.

"Fuck," I whispered, drawing out the word against his neck.

"Please. More than once."

I arched up into him, my body rubbing shamelessly against his thigh.

"Let me do that," he said, hand moving beneath the waistband of my shorts. His voice had taken on a powerful, possessive tone that I loved.

Lithe fingers toyed with me, spread my lips, slid over my clit, and finally dipped down pushing deliciously far into me. As he withdrew them, they rubbed against my g-spot and I moaned. No man had ever touched me as intimately as he already had, and we'd only begun. My knees shook with need, brain caught on a loop of yes, yes, yes.

In and out, his fingers played me carefully. In and out, faster. In and out, still slipping against that sweet spot, moving harder. In and out, thumb against my clit, back and forth.

Bliss.

When I got dizzy from my heavy breathing, I tried to focus. Tried to remember which orgasm he was on. How many times had I come? The way he touched and stroked and whispered, I wanted so many more. I had no idea how he had this affect on me, this cosmic spell of fuckery – literally.

My hands went to his belt buckle, sexy fucking buckle that had taunted me all night, whispering of its secrets and delights held just beneath. Now it was my turn to find them out.

Even as I fumbled, unzipped, finally released him into my hand, he continued what he was doing.

Please, please, please.

"Just let me do this," he half-laughed, quieting my words with a kiss.

"As many times as you want," I whispered. "But please, fuck me."

He shook his head, crazy grin settled on his mouth, sweat gathering on his forehead. Just as I could feel the tightening begin, his fingers pulled out sharply and his hard cock slid in. Instead of waiting, like I expected, he pulled back, then thrust hard and fast.

I tried – really, honestly – but my scream was loud and long. Each time he pushed inside, it was a million fireworks. My knees gripped the sides of his body, sliding up to tilt the angle and his access; his hands reached out and pushed them further up near my head. The stretch burned, made me ache, and made everything feel a million times more intense. Missionary with my legs down would never be an option after this night.

The bursts of noise from outside began to flood out the noise of what we were doing – in his father's company van, no less.

Once my body settled down, our noises reduced to a minimum, I focused on just how good he felt above me. I planned more, wanted and needed him in every way possible. As I wound down, I could tell he was winding up, pushing harder, getting closer. My brain tuned in to my surroundings and I realized my head was thumping against something painful each time he thrust in, but I couldn't bring myself to reposition us. Edward was fucking beautiful above me, and watching him come had me rapt with attention.

The way his eyebrows knit together. The way his lips relaxed and opened, hot breath pouring out and then sucked back in. His eyes were closed so tight, lids creased.

My nails bit into his back, pulling him closer to me. I wanted his body right next to mine so I could feel every reaction I caused, every muscle that tightened in reaction to what we were doing.

"Fuck," he whispered slowly in my ear.

His body stopped, sweaty skin against sweaty skin, as he came. His mouth was pressed against my shoulder, dispensing tiny, sweet kisses.

Eventually, he rolled off me and the air hit my body like an iceberg, the swift movement causing me to shiver. I curled into him, tangling my hands up into his hair and my legs with his, needing his warmth again. His fingers combed through my now-tangled mess of curls and I smiled against his skin.

After we'd caught our breath and taken a moment to rest, I realized we were half-undressed, and the fireworks outside had begun to die down.

Shit.

"Edward, get up," I said, my panic rising. "Get up!" I shouted. "The fireworks... they're gone. People are going to start wandering back to their cars..."

He finally clued in to the sitch.

"And vans. Oh shit."

We laughed, awkwardly fumbling with our clothes, then getting distracted again kissing. Opening the back door, we stepped onto the gravel parking lot and straightened our clothes, doing our best to not look like we'd just fucked in the back of a van.

I thought we were doing pretty good until I spotted Jake and waved – he nearly fell over laughing in response.

"What's so funny, dude?" I whispered once I got closer.

"Oh my god, Bella," he said, gasping between guffaws. "You don't even know."

Turning to Edward, I shook my head slightly in confusion. Biting his lip to stifle a laugh, he reached forward and I thought he was going to run his hand through my hair. Instead, he lifted a tiny strip of red firecrackers from my tangles.

All I could do was laugh with them. We'd been caught, and I was just thankful it was by Jake and not my dad once I was home.

Edward and I parted ways, making plans to go on a picnic the following day. We texted back-and-forth until after 2AM, when I finally fell asleep with the phone still in my hands. I only knew the approximate time from looking at our banter when I woke up.

As I showered, I wondered how things might be different during the daytime. Did he have a girlfriend? Fuck, I hadn't even asked. He wouldn't do that, though, would he? He seemed like an okay guy. Jake approved of him, that much was clear from the texts he'd sent after we'd all gone home. His playful teasing about the van incident made me smile; I was lucky to have such good friends.

When I dressed in a new tank top and some shorts, I smiled, remembering the ripped one. It would be easy to hide from Charlie; I decided I didn't want to throw it away. I could still wear it to bed, and it held memories now. Dirty memories. I didn't have many of those.

Driving to the park again, I replayed the night before over and over, which only served to make me more excited to see Edward. When I parked and saw him already lounging on a beautiful blanket, elaborate basket next to him, my heart leapt.

He didn't have to woo me – didn't need to be romantic, but he was making an effort. I suspected it wasn't to get in my pants again, although we'd had a great time, because he simply asked me to a picnic lunch. If he wanted another quick fuck, he could have made that clear. I probably would have said yes, even.

There were kids playing in the water of the lake, and the warm breeze of summer heated my skin as I got out of my car. For just a brief moment, I leaned against the hood, watching. He was staring up at the few clouds in the sky, white puffs of innocence, and his breathing was even. I took a second to scan his body, appreciating the things I'd missed in the dark. His legs were tan and toned, and the way he was stretched, I could see a sliver of his happy trail snaking beneath his shorts. What surprised me the most was the splash of color peeking from his right sleeve. I'd definitely need to investigate that better, I decided.

My flip flops alerted him to me walking up, but he didn't move. As I hovered, blocking the sun, he smiled up at me, reaching his hand out to mine. Carefully, so I didn't fall right onto him, I lowered myself on his right side and our hands stayed clasped.

"Hi," I said softly.

His body turned to face me and he cupped my face with his hand, lips meeting mine in a burning kiss. When he was finished, he exhaled against my now-wet lips, a little hum escaping, then repeated my greeting back.

"Sit up, please. I'm starving!"

"Me too," he said, then pushed his lips against mine again.

Yeah, I could feel just how starving he was, hard and thick, everything good I remembered, pressed against my leg.

"Cullen, I mean it," I protested with a smile. "Plenty of time for that later, young man."

"Okay, okay."

We sat up, and his hand moved from mine to my thigh. His other hand opened and pulled out various things from the basket, each one surprising me more. While he was retrieving food, I lifted his sleeve and traced the ink with my fingertip.

"What's this?" I asked about the curious design.

"Family crest."

Suddenly, I realized he was pulling out an awful lot of containers.

"Um, Edward? Did you go buy all this fancy food?"

"Nope."

"Wait. Edibles by Esmerelda," I said, reading the label on a container of food. "That's the fancy gourmet store owned by Esmerelda Evenson. If you didn't buy it, how'd you get this amazing basket?"

"Remember yesterday when I said I helped my mom on the days she taped?"

He looked at me, expecting me to connect the dots. No such luck.

"Yeah, I remember that, but I don't get it."

"My mom is Esme. Well, Esmerelda on TV."

I practically shrieked. I'd watched his mom on TV for years, learning how to cook some of her signature dishes, in fact.

"I take it you know her?" he asked, laughing.

"OhmyfuckYES."

"Such a dirty mouth," he teased, his own turning up in a grin. "Whatever am I going to do with you?"

"Food, Cullen. Food. You can go single-track focus later."

"I'm going to remind you of that."

"Oh, trust me," I said. "You won't be the only one in a hyper-focused state of mind."

We ate the pasta salad, fruit salad, and other various edible delights that were packed carefully for us.

"Wait, did you make your mom pack this picnic basket?" I asked around my chocolate chip cookie. Okay, my third chocolate chip cookie.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I cook with her all the time. I did have to get her help a few times, but most of this was made by yours truly."

"Edward Cullen... you cook, you're amazing in bed, you have gorgeous ink... will you marry me?"

I was only half-kidding.

"Don't you think we should wait for a third date to discuss marriage?"

Shrugging, I laughed and we went back to eating and kissing. Slowly, it morphed from more eating and less kissing to just the opposite. I wanted to crawl into his lap, and began cursing the fucking public park around us.

"You know what I brought?" Edward asked, lips pursed.

"Fuck, that could be answered so many ways," I said, laughing. "No idea, though. What?"

"A kite. Come on. You ever flown one?"

He stood, then helped me stand.

"Um, no. Seriously, you brought a kite?"

"Yeah. I'll teach you to fly it. It'll be fun, promise."

It took a few tries, but I'd never complain about watching him run. After the third attempt, he stopped and pulled his shirt off. It was like putting my own personal Kryptonite in front of me. On his left shoulder blade, more color burst to life, but I couldn't tell what. I'd been so distracted by gawking, I didn't notice he had the kite in the air.

"Get over here," he demanded.

I ran to where he was, and he handed me the plastic reel thing.

"I have no idea what I'm doing! It's gonna crash, Edward! Shit."

"Have faith," he said. "I'll help you. Take this."

He moved to stand behind me, arms wrapped around me, and I had a hard time focusing.

"See? We're doing it."

The kite tugged when the wind would shift it, and then I realized we really were flying it. I got giddy and squealed again, turning back to kiss him in excitement.

"I'm flying a kite!"

I'd never wanted to fly a fucking kite before; what was wrong with me?

"Told you we could do it."

Sure, it fell into the grass shortly after that, but for those brief few moments, with Edward's arms around me, flying a stupid kite made me feel like I could do anything. It had been so long since I'd learned something new just for fun, not because I had to for class, or because I needed it for a practical life application.

Turning in Edward's arms, I kissed him with everything that had welled up inside.

"Take me home," I said quietly. "Please."

"My parents..."

I spoke between kisses and gropes. "Not your house, dummy. Mine. Alone. Bedroom. Now."

I didn't even care how I'd get the car back to Charlie's, I just needed to connect with him in every way.

Edward drove and I did my best not to distract him. I was grateful the distance wasn't long between Charlie's and the park, and when the car was off, we both practically sprinted to the front door.

His body pinned mine against the door. He was hot and heavy, all man and muscle behind me, mouth at my ear. "What if I can't wait?" he asked.

Jesus.

I was ready to strip and let him have his way with me right there, then decided my father would be very displeased to get a call to his house. For his misbehaving daughter. Getting fucked against his door.

As I fumbled with the lock, Edward's hands roamed. My tits weren't huge, so I'd gone braless. When he cupped them beneath my tank, I realized he was full on groping me in public and my fingers fought harder to get the damn key in the lock.

"You are so fucking sexy."

"Jesus. You haveta stop for a minute, or we really are going to be forced to fuck on the porch, because if you keep doing that, I'm going to get naked right here, and then my dad will come arrest you. You don't want that on your record, do you?"

Suddenly, his hands withdrew from under my top, and I took a deep breath, finally managing to get the door unlocked and open.

"Thank you."

I barely managed to get both words out before he was pushing me inside.

"Where?" he asked, mouth practically attached to my skin.

"Upstairs. Right side."

As much as I wanted to shed my clothes along the way, I wasn't sure how long this would take, and no way would I chance my dad finding a clothing path. Sure, someday he was going to realize I wasn't his innocent little girl any more, but this didn't need to be that day.

When we were in my room, I began to do the awkward shuffle of a young woman in her sometimes-childhood bedroom with a fucking sexy chunk o' man.

Edward, however, wasn't awkward at all. The minute my bedroom door was locked, he began to take my clothes off. I returned the favor, and when we were naked, fumbled our way to my tiny twin-sized bed.

He laid beneath me, and I was glad for the chance to watch him. I tried to shimmy lower on his body, but his hands pulled around my ass, bringing me forward. My eyes must've grown wide as he attempted to situate me over his mouth, but his answering smirk was so god damn sexy. I gripped the headboard for dear life, doing my best to not suffocate him as he dove in. Each time I'd pull up, moving my hips away from his body and allow him more air, he'd grunt and use his hands around my thighs to pull me back down to him.

Finally, I gave in; if he wasn't going to die from lack of air, the least I could do was relax and enjoy what he was doing. My hands tightened their grip as his reached up to pinch my nipples. Each time he groaned or moaned into me, the shiver slid up my spine. He was just too good at this, I decided.

Lucky me.

Unlike men that had seemed reticent, Edward was eager. It almost bordered on scary, the ferocity with which he seemed to practically devour me, but oh, the pleasure. Just like the day before, he made me lightheaded and dizzy with pleasure, repeatedly. Emboldened, my hands reached through his wild hair, tugging and tightening as I came again.

When I could think again, I shook my head, looking right into his eyes.

"I don't want to know how you got so good at that, but maybe I owe someone some flowers or something."

He laughed and I moved, shifting my body and lying on top of him.

Edward flexed his hips a few times, teasing us both. I was so insanely over-sensitized that each push threatened to make me fall into too-sensitive territory.

Moving my hand between us, I guided him. Well, I touched and twisted, pulling and gripping a few times for good measure, but then, I guided him inside of me. As I sank down, I sat up, increasing the depth and ability with which I could control what we did.

Or so I thought.

"Grab my hands," he said.

Okay?

We linked our hands, and then he instructed me to lean back, my knees pushed in front of me. Slowly, he squeezed his thighs, moving in and out at such an agonizing pace. Was this tantric sex, I wondered? When I thought I might have to beg for him to go just a little faster, or let go of one of my hands so I could alleviate some newfound frustrations, he winked.

He winked, then pushed harder, hitting deeper. Of course, he pulled back faster, and I sank faster, a squeak coming from me at the change in everything. Faster, he flexed and thrust, and I squeaked and moaned.

God, I need to remember to propose again. Right after the next orgasm.

Grateful we were home alone, the next orgasm came quickly and loud. For both of us. The day before, he'd been somewhat quiet and reserved, but as he moved beneath me, he seemed to unfold and let go. If I'd thought watching him come the day before had been beautiful, it was nothing compared to actually being able to really see him in the light of day. His head tilted back, eyes locked closed, hands gripping my hips tightly to guide me.

Finally, several moments later, his body relaxed. I was glad my bed was so tiny, then, as I curled up above him. There was nowhere to escape, and I loved it. Edward's fingertips traced up and down my spine, the sun streaming onto our bodies like praise from the universe.

It would have been easy to drop out of college, move in with Edward, and live like two slackers in love.

It would have been easy, but that wasn't what we did. That summer was magic; the sun kissed our skin daily, and I helped Edward with his odd jobs when I could. I finally mustered the nerve to tell Charlie I had a boyfriend after a few weeks, and although he was skeptical, he knew Edward's parents and eventually seemed to soften to the idea. Especially once I told him I was going back to school at the end of summer, as planned.

A lot of the paths Edward and I could have taken would have been easier, but no, we did things the only way we knew we could. After the kite-flying incident, we talked about kids. About having them, wanting them, and finally, teaching them. Edward was amazing with every kid we encountered that summer, and even though he couldn't really see the full potential, I could. He absolutely shined when they were around, a bubble of happy.

When I returned to Arizona, I cried the entire drive. It wasn't until I was safely back at home and in my routine that Edward dropped a bomb on me – he was going back to school, too. For a brief moment, I prayed he'd move to Arizona to go to the same college, but he needed to stay near his family. I didn't really understand, but I was envious of his relationship with his parents, and in my heart, I always knew we'd end up around them.

Even that first year, I was building a future for us in my mind. It just had to work out; we were too worth it to let anything like distance or school get in the way.

We visited each other every chance we could, and made Skype dates when we couldn't. We'd order Thai food and get sloppy with our noodles, then dirty with our hands. I let him see me at my worst – red eyes and snotty nose when my heart felt like it might break from missing him, and he did the same. We whispered and yelled, and god, we loved fiercely.

We loved.

It took four more years, but as I watched Edward receive his diploma, all of our parents around, I couldn't have been happier.

Esme catered his graduation party, and all of our friends were there. I'd gone to grab two more beers from us, and when I walked into the living room, at first, I was confused.

"Did you drop something?" I asked, setting the bottles on the table, dropping to my knees to help him look for whatever was lost.

"No, baby. Please, get up."

"What are you..."

I couldn't even finish the sentence. My brain was so tangled again in a loop of yes, yes, yes – something he'd reduced me to so many times over those years. His words were fuzzy and muddled in my brain. I was so overwhelmed, I could barely stand, much less listen. But I heard the most important words.

"I can't spend another day without you. Bella Swan, will you please marry me?"

Yes, yes, yes.

Paper Moon - Chapter 18

2011-08-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

A/N: So sorry I was forgetting to post this here. Will post 18 today, 19 tomorrow, and then 20 goes live everywhere on Wednesday.

Many thanks to my betafish, TwilightMundi, who is so fucking awesome. Thanks to My_Never on twitter for supplying Alice's date gift.

I own nothing except my dirty little mind. All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

Once we were buckled in and Alice reminded me of the directions to her place, I turned to ask her the question I had in my mind the entire afternoon.

"Alice, what did you mean when you said your family wasn't used to seeing you with a woman?"

"It's kind of a long story," she said softly.

I hesitated. I wanted her to tell me, but I also wanted her to tell me on her own time, when she felt comfortable enough to trust me.

"Okay, well, when you're ready to tell me..."

Her hand covered mine, small and cold against my skin. Turning my palm up to lace my fingers with hers, I smiled at her once we were at the stop light. Her face was painted with so many expressions, it ached just to look at her.

"I want to tell you," she said. "I want to talk about it, but it's still your birthday weekend and I still want to focus on you."

"Finding out whatever it is on Monday isn't going to make it any easier. I just don't want to spend the next few hours being stressed and cranky. You coming over to stay the night?"

"I'm sorry Bee, I can't."

I raised an eyebrow as I turned to look at her again, safely parked in front of her building. "Oh yeah?"

Her whole face lit up with glee. "I have a few appointments tomorrow to look at space. I've started looking into what it would cost to run a studio."

"That's amazing, Alice! Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Yeah, actually," she said. "Will you have a business dinner with me tomorrow and help me figure out contracts and stuff?"

Leaning over, I kissed her. We'd spent the weekend together and it was almost perfect. The least I could do after all she'd done for me was look over a few contracts.

"Of course."

I got out of the car and opened the trunk, reaching in to grab Alice's suitcase for her.

"Want me to walk you up?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

She smiled and put her hand back in mine. Once we were in the elevator, she stood between my legs, facing me.

"Did you have a nice birthday weekend?"

"Yeah, baby. Thank you."

Our lips touched and I had to hold myself back from pressing her against the elevator wall and doing dirty things. I ran my nose up the side of her neck, inhaling her scent, the soft soap and lotion smell overwhelming my senses. Turning my face, I sprinkled kisses on her neck and heard her moan quietly.

The ding of the elevator reminded me where we were, and we laughed for a minute before rushing to stop the already-closing-on-us doors. When she'd unlocked her apartment door, she paused for a minute, then turned to kiss me again.

"I had a nice time this weekend. Thank you for letting me give you a birthday party, Bella."

My hands slid around her waist, then down to her hips as our lips continued to move together.

"Thank you," I said, giving her one last kiss. "See you tomorrow?"

Alice nodded, then opened her door and disappeared behind it with a smile.

I spent the night getting ready for the upcoming week of work, just like every Sunday before. However, I eagerly anticipated the workday for the first time in a long while. As I was lying in bed that night, I realized I'd lost my passion for my job, and somehow, it was slowly creeping back in.

Monday morning, I arrived at work to an email from Rose asking if I could ask Alice to join us for lunch. When I explained that Alice had appointments all day to look at spaces, we agreed to try for Tuesday. I arranged it with both of them, and tried to get Rose to tell me more about why she wanted to have lunch with us, but by then Alice had apparently talked to Edward and agreed it was a good idea we all sit down and chat. I was frustrated at being the only one in the dark, but there was nothing to really do about it since everyone had cockblocked me for more info.

Alice had invited me to her apartment for dinner to look at the few contracts she'd gotten from her afternoon. She'd only had time to see two spots, so it was a fairly short amount of time we actually spent looking at paperwork. The rest of the time we spent kissing and touching, then lying on her couch making out like teenagers.

All-in-all, a great night. I was still nervous about whatever was going on with Rose and Alice, though, so I didn't sleep well at all. In the morning, I was grouchy and cranky, taking my frustrations out on poor Angela.

When Alice showed up in my doorway, I smiled and sighed. It was as if seeing her just made things that much more tolerable. Rose was in my office shortly after, and the three of us went to a cute little deli around the corner.

Once we'd ordered our food, Alice began. "So, Rose, I know what happened on Sunday. I just want to say I'm sorry. There's really no excuse, but Emmett is a good guy, despite the first impressions."

"Wait," I said, interrupting slightly. "I need to know what happened."

"Emmett thought I was a whore," Rose offered.

I couldn't believe my ears. "What?" I looked at Alice; surely Rose had misunderstood.

"It's true. Emmett is … he's a dumbass," Alice said with a sigh. "He thought we'd hired Rose for him since Edward and I were both bringing people home. He knows our parents want him to stop being such a manwhore and just date someone already."

"Okay," I said. "So what's his deal? Why doesn't he?"

Rose leaned forward slightly and looked surprised, as if she'd never stopped to consider the why behind Emmett's actions.

Between bites, Alice explained. "In high school, Emmett was madly in love with this girl named Lauren. They were always together, but she wanted nothing more than to be an actress. We all thought it was kind of cute, then when she got pregnant a few months after they got married, she freaked out. All she could focus on was how she was destroying her body and how she'd never be successful. For a while I was worried that she'd actually hurt herself, but Emmett seemed to help her through it."

Alice paused and took a sip of her drink and a deep breath.

"When Hannah was one, Lauren cheated. She said she didn't know who she was anymore, and despite what we all thought, Emmett told us she wasn't getting better, just worse. She was dieting, taking pills, doing whatever she could to keep losing weight. The day after Hannah's second birthday, Lauren left. There was a brief note Emmett has, but aside from that, she just walked away."

What. The. Fuck?

I couldn't even imagine. I pictured Hannah and tried to wrap my mind around anyone wanting to leave such a smart and loving little girl.

"Emmett doesn't want her to have to go through that again, so he's just made this stupid decision that he won't let anyone get that close to her ever again. Rose, it had nothing to do with you personally, like I said, he's just a dumbass."

Rose gigglesnorted at Alice's repetition of her opinion of Emmett.

"He actually texted me to say he was sorry about what had happened, and asked if he could take me to lunch to make it up to me," Rose said. "I have no idea what to tell him, or even how he got my number. Any ideas?" she asked, looking right at me.

Holding my hands up, I protested. "I had nothing to do with it."

We both turned to look at Alice, who shrank back in her chair, guilty expression written all over her face.

"When you got up to use the bathroom last night I looked on your phone. I knew Emmett's intentions were good, though, and I was hoping you'd say yes."

Her puppy dog eyes that were like Kryptonite to me seemed almost useless on Rose. I had to laugh. If ever there was someone that couldn't be talked into doing something they didn't want to do, it was Rose.

"I'll say yes," she said, surprising the hell out of me.

"Really?" Alice and I said in stereo.

"Sure," Rose said, shrugging. "Why not. I mean, he seems sincere, and hey, free lunch."

Narrowing my eyes at Rose, I tried to figure out what the fuck was really going on. There's no way any other dude could have called her a hooker and she'd have just agreed to have lunch with him. Maybe Alice's explanation had actually smoothed things over, or maybe Rose saw something more in Emmett – I had no idea, I was just glad she'd agreed.

"Huh," I said. "You surprise me, young one."

"Pardon me, I do believe I'm the wise and respected elder here," Rose shot back.

The three of us dissolved into light giggles, enjoying the rest of our lunch with a newfound sense of lightness and friendship. It was easy to be around both of them at the same time, a fact I was grateful for. It was easy and fun, and that was the way it was always been meant to be, I realized.

"Gonna make Emmett pay for his mistake?" I asked when the food was all gone.

"Fuck yeah."

She told us about the fancy place she told him he could take her to, and how she'd suggested it should be dinner on a Friday night – a real and proper apology. I could tell she was slightly excited about the prospect of having a date, even if it was with the someone she initially thought was a douche.

Work flowed for the rest of the day, and I realized once I was done with volunteering with Jasper and back home that I had no immediate plans to see Alice again. I texted and asked if I could take her out that upcoming Friday night. It surprised me when she said she couldn't because she already has plans with Edward, but I tried to not be hurt. Instead, we agreed on a Saturday sleepover and Sunday brunch, then our conversation dissolved into dirty sexting.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was chomping at the bit to leave work and have two days of unplanned, unscheduled bliss. I was very much looking forward to my date the next day, but also to the time I'd be spending with Jasper that night. We'd agreed, since Alice and Edward were busy together, to hang out. I was glad and grateful, as I hadn't seen Jasper much in the last few days. Sure, we saw each other when we volunteered, and at the gym in the mornings, but those moments always had purpose.

After work, I threw on my yoga pants and texted Jasper to see what he wanted from the Thai place that delivered. We ate, then curled up together on the couch and watched a movie, just like old times. During the silence after the movie, we talked about Edward and Alice, and how each of us was progressing. Jasper talked about work and his car, and we drifted into other topics like the economy and politics as we snuggled together in my bed.

When I woke up Saturday morning, it was to a text from Alice asking me about what time we were getting together. Apparently she'd planned a date for us and wanted to know if the timing would work to see each other beforehand. We arranged for her to pick me up at my place, and I smiled when the doorbell rang at the designated time.

I answered the door and Alice had a bakery box in front of her.

"Cupcakes," she said. "For later."

The smile on her face told me there was going to be more than just eating the cupcakes involved, and I smiled back. Quickly putting the cupcakes in the kitchen, I stopped for just a second to stare at her out of the corner of my eye. Even in plain jeans and a sweater beneath her jacket, she was gorgeous.

We exchanged a brief kiss before she tugged my hand outside. When I spotted her new car, I squealed.

"So cute, Alice!"

She just had a smug smile on her face. "I know, I know. Want a ride?"

"You know I do."

At the double entendre, we giggled and hopped into her brand new convertible VW Bug. She drove us to the restaurant, and we sat through dinner laughing, talking, and holding hands. We'd sneak a kiss here and there, and when we were finished and the bill was paid, I couldn't have been happier to get her in private, all to myself.

Alice drove us back to my place and brought her bag in with her. When she was inside, I took her jacket and hung it up, then pressed her against the wall.

"I've missed you this week," I said. My lips connected with the soft skin at the nape of her neck, right where her perfume was concentrated, and I let out a deep breath of warm air against the wet spot I'd left.

"I missed you too."

As she spoke, her hands went beneath my sweater, cold skin against warm, and I gasped.

She smirked at me. "Ready for dessert?"

"Why don't you go grab the cupcakes and I'll start a fire?" I suggested.

We parted ways to work on our designated tasks. By the time she was back with the box, the fire was building. Opening the box, I pulled out what looked like a strawberry cupcake, with a slice of the red fruit on top of the frosting. I ate the fruit first, then dipped my finger in the frosting and offered it up for Alice.

Her lips wrapped around my skin, sucking and tonguing the sticky sweet frosting. I imagined all the acrobatic positions we could fuck in, how I could bend her body and make her scream. In the end, though, what happened was much less exciting. We fed each other bites of cupcake, selecting small nibbles from each, and kissed. Alice sat in my lap and we shared dessert, then moved to the bed.

Between my legs and arms, I held her tight, touched her carefully and slowly, then sped up and made her moan. We'd learned so much about each other over the few weeks prior, and I used every weapon in my arsenal of knowledge to make her feel as good as possible, before she did the same. It wasn't acrobatic, it was just lovely and romantic. It was emotional and passionate, and I felt like I was falling so much harder and deeper for her.

The sun had long ago set, and Alice laid in my arms as my fingers ran through her slightly damp hair. We'd taken a shower and crawled back into bed, exhausted and happy.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" she asked.

"Truth?"

"Yeah. Always."

"I was thinking about your ring," I said. "Did you buy it, or was it a gift?"

Her eyes seemed to search mine before she answered. Her voice was quiet as she explained it was a gift. I sensed her hesitation, but also that she wanted to be open and honest. She'd started the conversation, after all, so I pressed a little.

"From whom?"

Alice's eyes closed and she took a deep breath.

"Remember when I told you my family wasn't used to seeing me with a woman?"

"Yeah," I said.

"See, Edward came out when we were in high school. I know it seems like my parents are the pictures of acceptance now, but back then, they weren't quiet so ready to face the facts. My mom cried all the time. She didn't know I heard her," she said. "I knew back then that I was gay too. I mean, I was fifteen and I'd never even looked at a boy that way, but had already had a crush on a few different girls. It was a struggle those last few years of high school, and so I pretended a lot. I pretended to be straight because I thought it was what my parents wanted. I pretended to be happy because I didn't want to see them in so much pain anymore. I pretended to be a whole different me."

"That sucks so much, Alice. God, I'm sorry."

"You know what? I long ago gave up being sad about those years. They made me who I am today, you know?" Her eyes crinkled and a small smile lit up her face. "Anyway. So, in college I was dating this guy Trevor. He was nice enough. Handsy, but nice," she said, laughing. "He was a good guy, but I think even he knew we weren't destined to be together for long. I had really committed to the straight thing, though, and I wound up pregnant."

It was as if I'd suddenly been punched in the gut. The air seemed to leave my lungs, and I briefly felt dizzy, even though I was lying down.

"Bella," she said quietly. "You okay? There's more to this story."

"Yeah. Jesus. I'm just … it's a lot to take in."

She looked so fucking sad as she spoke. "Imagine living it." I immediately regretted what I'd said, but I couldn't take the words back.

"Please tell me the rest?" I asked, placing a small kiss on her lips.

"I didn't want to have an abortion, even though that's what he wanted. I wasn't ready to raise a child, especially not with a guy I'd known six months who was essentially a fake boyfriend for my parents' sake. The only thing going for me was that I was able to take a semester off and still graduate on time by making up courses during the summer and such. I hid my pregnancy as best I could from my parents and begged Edward not to tell them. After Brandon was born and his adoptive parents took him from the hospital, Edward was there, reminding me what a great thing I'd done. He took me back to my place, cared for me, and gave me this ring."

She held her hand up, twisting the shining green stone around on her finger.

"He told me that my son would always be with me in my heart, and gave me this to remember him. I tend not to wear it anymore, but I seem to put it on during the month of October, when I ache for him the most."

I had no idea what to say, how to feel, or how to react to what she'd said. It obviously didn't impact or change how I felt about her in a negative way, but I still wasn't certain how to best support her.

"Alice, that is seriously intense. How old is he?"

"Six," she said quietly.

"Wait. He's the same age as Hannah?"

"Yep."

Her body was tense in front of me, her eyes still closed. Tears leaked out of them as she seemed to wait for something.

"That must've been so difficult," I said, then felt like a complete douche. Obviously it was difficult. I mentally berated myself, trying to think of something better to say. "Do you regret it?"

Alice opened her eyes and looked at me. "Not a single day of my life. Does that make me terrible?"

The tears began to flow faster and harder as she waited for me to respond and, I assume, what she worried would be my judgment.

"No fucking way. You did such an amazing thing. That family... you gave them a really beautiful gift."

"I know."

Her body shook, a sniffle followed by more sobs, as she visibly let go.

"It's okay," I soothed. "I know it hurts, sweets. I know."

I didn't know, exactly, but what I knew was that I could feel her pain as viscerally as she did in that moment. I ached and hurt for her, and I wanted to do anything I could to make it better. For what felt like hours, I held her and did my best to allow her to be okay being sad.

Imagining what it would feel like to hold such a deep secret was impossible for me. Nothing I'd been through could even remotely compare. I had so many questions for her, too. Like when she finally came out to her parents, and if that was part of why she'd moved back home. It wasn't the right time, though.

When she slowed down her crying, I covered her in kisses and wiped away her tears. Our bodies were tangled together, as close as we could get, and that was exactly how we fell asleep.

In the morning, I got up before Alice and made a pot of coffee. I was dipping cinnamon raisin bread in French toast batter as she snuck up behind me.

"Good morning," she said, yawning at the end.

I turned to face her, both of us smiling. "Good morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?"

She wrapped her arms around me and burrowed her face into my chest, as usual. "Mhm. Can I help?"

"Nope," I said. "Just go sit down and I'll pour you a cup of coffee and some juice, if you want. Breakfast will be ready in about half an hour."

"'Kay."

While I'd put on a robe to make breakfast, Alice was still completely naked, and the sight made my body hungry for her.

Instead, I finished what I was doing and served us both a plate of yummy food. I sat next to her and, like usual, we spent just as much time kissing and touching as we did eating and feeding each other. She fed my soul and my heart as well as my stomach in those moments, and I couldn't help but be stupid giddy.

Our food gone, we sat in quiet for a few minutes, until Alice took a long gulp of her coffee.

"Thank you for being so understanding."

"Alice, it's not about being understanding. You were doing what you thought was the right thing with your parents, and then for your child. That's bravery beyond measure. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she said. "Of course."

"When did you finally come out to your parents?"

"Well, after Trevor, I knew I couldn't fake it anymore. I'd given up a piece of myself when I had to give my baby away, and there just couldn't be a 'next time.' I couldn't emotionally do it anymore, all the lies, all the guilt. I told them the following spring break, when I went home for a visit."

The corners of her mouth turned up into a playful grin, and I was confused. "Wanna know what Mama PFLAG President said?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said, smiling back at her.

"She said 'duh.' That's all I got! Years of worry and terror, and I got 'duh.' I still tease her about that. But it was a bumpy few years of college after that, dating women and finding my way. This is the first time since I graduated high school I've lived by them, so it's been an adjustment."

"I bet."

"It's nice, though. I love my parents so much and they just get me. My mom is amazing and so supportive. What about your parents?"

"My dad died a few years ago in a car accident," I said quietly. "My mom? She's not the PFLAG president, that's for sure. She moved to Florida to live with her new husband, Phil, a few years ago."

The short conversation with Alice made me realize that I needed to call her to check in. After my dad died, she'd fallen into a deep depression, so I was grateful for Phil in that sense, but he was so much younger and I wasn't sure it would last. I hoped it would, for her sake, but I worried it wouldn't.

"I'm sorry she's not a better mom," she said, taking my hand in hers.

"Oh well; it is what it is, you know? She's been through a lot."

"Still."

I shrugged and nodded, then let Alice stand and take me with her back to the bedroom. Naked, bare of our secrets, she laid me down on the bed, pushing my collarbone slightly. I briefly wondered if I'd ever felt so vulnerable ever, but the thought flew out of my head just as quickly as it had entered when her mouth touched my skin. It was everywhere at once, all over where I needed her, and then it was at my mouth.

When I could look into her eyes, I smiled against her mouth, then felt her lips tug into the grin I love. For the first time in my life, I made love to a woman. For the second time in my life, I allowed myself to be thoroughly and completely loved by someone.

Paper Moon - Chapter 17

2011-07-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

A/N: Whew. I bet you thought I'd never get back to this story. Thank you, from the bottom of my dirty little heart, for sticking with me. This is the first chapter that brings this story officially off hiatus. I'll be posting updates on Wednesdays.

I realized while going through and editing this story that I majorly fucked up the flow by having the dual relationships and the way it swaps narration. I had two choices as I saw it – split each storyline into their own fic, or keep it this way. I decided to stay with this since it's easier for everyone (imho). I suspect the story will continue on its current path of one or two chapters for EPOV then one or two chapters in BPOV, and so on. I'm sorry if that bothers you, and I understand just how irritating it is to shift forward in time, then slide back from the other POV. I'm going to do my best not to cover old story ground with the swaps.

Infinite thank yous to my beta, TwilightMundi, who has to tolerate more from me than most, I'm sure. I'm sorry, and I love you, TM. Thank you also to afeistyginger who pre-reads and gives me more than I could ever thank for, in fic, friendship and life. Also, it's her birthday this week, so let me be the first to say HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY, BABY. You're going to make 30 your bitch, I just know it. Also, a huge shout out to the ladies that WC with me. I lessthan 3 you. Mega happy birthday to my very favorite La Hopey, too. I can't believe I'm going to be at CC without ma Hopey. I miss you, friend.

~%~

I turned my head, resting it against his chest, and sighed. I cursed the need for a job, for eating, for everything and anything that was going to pull me out of this moment and away from Jasper. I wondered if we were still going to have our date the next day, and what things would be like after this night of firsts between us – first real fight, first real makeup, first … fuck? Love making?

I laughed softly when I heard him begin to snore and took that as my sign to follow him into sleep.

There was a lot of ground to cover once we were awake. Of course, Jasper woke up long before me. By the time I was awake, coffee and breakfast were made. We sat at my kitchen table, warm and easy silence surrounding us, despite the tension from the night before.

"Do you like it?" Jasper asked, adorable in his uncertainty.

"Mhm," I mumbled around my food. "So good. Thank you."

Leaning over, I kissed him and tasted the sweet, sticky maple syrup on his lips. We got a little carried away, our mouths pulling apart and coming together repeatedly. My smile couldn't be contained when we went back to finishing breakfast.

When the French toast was gone and our coffee cups were empty, I took Jasper's hand in mine and brought him to my bathroom. As the water warmed, we touched and kissed. His body was soft and hard in the right places. I took my time getting reacquainted with everything, even though it had been less than ten hours since we'd been naked, pleasuring each other.

Under the spray of water, I pushed him against the side of the shower. I knew the stones would be cold against his skin, the water in front of him hot as it rained down. Lowering myself to my knees, I looked up and maintained eye contact as I loved him thoroughly.

Jasper practically collapsed as he came, knees bending. I was worried for a brief moment that he'd fall, but then he regained his composure. As I stood, he pulled me in for a small kiss.

"You're too good to me," he said quietly. "My turn."

His grin turned wicked and I laughed a little as he wrapped his arms around my body from behind. I rested my head on his shoulder as he began to stroke me. He took his time, building his pace and grip, before he became relentless. It felt so good to have this moment of intimacy with him before starting my hectic day at work.

Once we were clean and dried off, we got dressed. I loaned him some clothes to get through the day so he wouldn't have to go home before work. In the garage, we hit our awkward moment.

"You're still coming over on Saturday, right?" I asked, nervous.

"Yeah, Edward. Of course." He leaned in and kissed me again. "We're gonna to have rough spots. We're going to get into fights, you know."

I laughed. "As long as we can make up like last night, I'm all good."

We shared one last embrace and our time was over for the moment.

Work passed quickly; I found myself really getting into my cases. I was passionate about them, which was the best thing about my job – helping people I genuinely cared about. Of course, it didn't hurt that I traded a few emails back and forth with Jasper throughout the day about our plans that night. I'd also been in touch with Alice, trying to figure out how her day was going. I knew she was weighing her career choices heavily and I wanted to be there to support her.

At six thirty, I got in my car and headed to the brewpub where I was meeting Jasper. He wasn't there yet, so I got us a table and ordered a pint. My nose was stuck deep in the menu when I saw him slide into the seat next to mine.

A smile spread across my face as I looked over at him. "Hi."

"Hey," he said, then leaned a little closer.

My heart sped at the thought he wanted to kiss me, but I really wanted to kiss him, too. Meeting him halfway, I touched my lips to his briefly, and we both shifted back to our original positions. See, I reminded myself, it didn't need to be making out in public; all we shared was one brief touch of lips, but it felt so good. So freeing.

"How was your day?" I asked.

"I'm so damn tired," he said. "No thanks to you, I might add, but the day was … long. Draining. Yours?"

"It was good. It went fast, knowing I'd get to spend some time with you."

Beneath the table, our hands joined and rested together on my leg. The waiter came to take our order and stood between us. My hand reflexively pulled back, but Jasper ran his thumb over my skin, calming and reassuring me. It didn't stop my heart from feeling like it was going to beat right out of my chest again, but the waiter was polite and kind. He even smiled when he saw our joined hands, and I was surprised by that.

In fact, so surprised, that I began to wonder if the world wasn't as I saw it in my head. Maybe I'd been too quick to assume the conservative town I'd grown up in hadn't grown at all.

It was odd and slightly uncomfortable to be in public together after our last argument about it. I decided to try and let go a little more and just relax, as difficult as that was for me. It worked well, though, as we held hands periodically, eating and laughing together. The more I relaxed, the more I realized Alice and Jasper were right; I couldn't live my life in fear.

My train of thought was interrupted by the beer being dropped off for Jasper, and then we dove into talking about our days again. I loved hearing about Jasper's day and the kids he worked with, although it was gut wrenching at times.

As we drank, talked, and ate, we flirted. I wondered if he'd packed a bag to stay at my place again, but doubted he had. It was difficult to keep perspective that we were two adults with responsibilities; all I wanted to do was run away for a few weeks of uninterrupted Jasper time.

Alas, our food came and went. We declined dessert, and had paid the bill. There was just no more stalling.

"No chance you're coming over?" I asked, sheepish smile on my face.

He grimaced and my heart dropped. "Sorry."

"It's okay. We'll have Saturday and Sunday." I grabbed his hand – above the table – from where it rested next to his fork, covering it with mine. "Thank you for a great date."

When we walked to our cars, the sun had set, the chill of autumn in the air and crunchy leaves everywhere. It was beautiful, the perfect night to bundle up and walk hand-in-hand. Even if it was only the fifteen or so feet to our cars, I was grateful for it. Grateful for him.

Against my car, Jasper pushed his body into mine and I was glad I parked in a darker spot in the lot. People could walk by and see, but it's not exactly like we're out under a street lamp, which helped my nerves.

"Thank you," he whispered against my lips.

I smiled and kissed him back hard. "For what?"

"All of it."

My hands moved up through his hair as I held his mouth close to mine. I wanted to kiss him for hours, knowing this was our last contact for a few days. His lips were so soft against mine, and he tasted so good – beer and happiness.

After several minutes, his hands squeezed my hips, having stopped their roaming. Jasper's lips teased at mine for a few more pecks, then he stopped and smiled.

"Goodnight, Edward."

One last kiss and he backed up, turning to walk away.

"Goodnight," I said softly.

The agony of watching him walk away tugged at me. For the rest of the night, I could see his swagger as he left me there, and feel his lips ghosting against mine. The stubble on his chin grazed my skin for hours in my head, the moments stuck on memory replay.

Fuck.

~%~

Friday seemed to drag, but I had dinner plans with Alice at my apartment, so I spent the day looking forward to that. I knew she was headed to Bella's after dinner, but I wanted to check in with her and really see how she was doing. After I left work, I stopped by the grocery store and then made my way home.

Alice arrived as I was prepping our dinner. She never knocked, a habit of hers that didn't bother me. We exchanged a smile and she set her bag down, then put an apron on and began helping me.

"How are you, Al?"

Sometimes it seemed like everything was so on the surface with Alice. It was all just right there, words on her skin, etched into her expression. Other times, she was the best person ever at hiding what was going on. I could tell she didn't usually do this around me; or, she didn't try to.

Setting her knife on the counter, she turned to look at me. I kept going, keeping things in motion to try and make her feel safe and comfortable.

"I'm totally falling for her, Edward, and it scares the shit out of me."

Well, it was about time she saw what everyone else had seen.

"Yeah? Which part scares you?"

"All of it," she said. "I don't know how to tell her."

The duality of what she said wasn't lost on me, but I wanted to play dumb on the off chance she didn't mean what I thought she meant.

"That you're falling for her?"

"No, dumbass." She hip-checked me, then walked around to the breakfast bar area. "About him."

It took me a few minutes to respond. Alice's past wasn't something she talked about to a lot of people, especially not romantic interests. We held secrets even our parents didn't know about her. I was always grateful she trusted me enough to tell me.

"Do you think it's time?" I asked.

"I don't know. Maybe?"

For the moment, the conversation died a natural death and we moved on. It was quiet while we waited for dinner to cook. We shared a bottle of wine and watched mindless reality television as we waited. I didn't want to broach the topic again until she brought it up, allowing her to move forward at her own pace.

"We had our first fight," I said quietly.

"Really? What about?"

"It was kind of stupid but kind of important."

I refilled our glasses, wanting more liquid courage to bring the topic out and dissect it with her. Alice was my sounding board, my best friend, and my voice of reason when I sometimes got overly analytical about things.

"He was looking at me," I said. "But, it was in the middle of Starbucks, and I was so uncomfortable. Shit, it's not like we can walk down the street holding hands, you know?"

"Why?" she asked, immediately challenging everything.

Alice was so idealistic, so out and open, expecting everyone to just deal. I knew why, I just wasn't the same.

"Why? Because I don't want to have to live in fear."

"So stop being so fucking fearful, Edward. You act like every gay person walking downtown has a big red X on their forehead. You know, people aren't going to accept us living among them until we liveamong them. Your hiding doesn't do any good for anyone, least of all you."

She was right, I knew, but saying it and doing it were two different things. I wasn't sure if I could ever be quite like her, but maybe she was right.

"I made him so angry, and he feels the same way you do, by the way. The thing that was the worst, though, was that he talked about how he's been so left out of the community. Both gay and straight."

"Huh. How do you feel about that, by the way?"

"Him being bi?" I asked.

"Yeah. I mean, is he bi?"

"I think so. I'm not really sure."

I realized Jasper and I had so much more talking to do than I even thought.

"So does it bother you?" she pressed.

"No. I mean..." I thought about it for a minute, wondering if it did bother me. I hadn't given it too much time in my brain, because I already had feelings for him. It didn't matter what the parts and pieces of Jasper were, he was wonderful and I wanted more. "No, it definitely doesn't. He's amazing."

Alice slid over on the couch, curling herself up against my chest.

I wanted to clear the anxiety in the air and switch to easier topics. "Ready for the party?" I asked.

She went on and on giving me details about the party for what felt like hours, then sat up, stretching. Alice was off to Bella's after a hug, and I was left alone in silence. I went to bed shortly after, done with the day.

Saturday morning, I woke up late and already had a few texts from Jasper. His hesitance made me smile. We hadn't made firm plans of what we were going to do, just that we were going to spend time together before Bella's party.

After I texted him back to say we could grab lunch somewhere, I jumped in the shower. It was quick – utilitarian – and then I was on my way to meet Jasper for food.

When we were done eating, we headed over to the liquor store and mall to get Bella's gifts. We held hands when we both felt like it, and there were a few uncomfortable moments, but overall, it wasn't terrible. As we walked through the crowded shops, Jasper looked at his watch.

"Alice has people coming over in about fifteen minutes," he said, sighing. "Sorry. I wanted to spend much more of the afternoon together, but she is persistent, isn't she?"

If only he knew, I thought.

"I'm surprised she didn't have people coming over starting yesterday," I said. "It's fine, let's go."

Threading our hands together again, we left and drove to his place. Most of the afternoon was spent sneaking glances and stealing kisses where we could.

Rose showed up a few minutes before the party was scheduled to start, and Jasper and I chatted her up for a bit, then got her a drink.

"Excited for brunch tomorrow?" I asked her.

"Ha. Ha. Ha," she said with a roll of her eyes.

Thankfully, Bella and Alice showed up soon after. There was food and gift opening, constant champagne, and great company the entire time. After we sang happy birthday, Alice passed out pieces of the cake. In the corner, I fed Jasper a few bites, licking my lips when he did the same for me. We snuck kisses when no one was looking, and then I wrapped an arm over his shoulder from behind. We talked quietly as the birthday girl enjoyed sharing her cake with Alice, and I smiled at the way the two of them interacted.

Leaving them to their cake, Jasper led me to the living room to sit and talk. We lounged together, quietly discussing brunch the next day after we said goodbye to Rose.

"I've never been home to meet anyone's parents," Jasper confessed.

"Really? Huh. I guess it makes sense, but damn. Are you nervous?"

"Yeah. Of course," he said. "You're amazing, and I'm …"

I turned to face him. "Amazing too."

We were lost in our kissing when Bella cleared her throat next to the couch.

"We're leaving, boys," she said.

Everyone hugged and we walked Bella and Alice to the door, locking it for the night behind them. Instead of taking our place on the couch again, like I thought we'd do, Jasper started to walk toward his bedroom.

"Coming?" he asked, looking over his shoulder.

I chuckled, an eyebrow raised, dirty joke on my tongue. Instead, I caught up to him and slapped his ass. We made our way to his room quickly and undressed even faster. Slowing down, we took our time, we explored and loved, leaving no part of each others' bodies undiscovered.

~%~

When I woke up Sunday morning, Jasper was lying next to me, watching me sleep.

"Creepy," I said quietly.

We laughed, then got up and showered together.

I didn't want to be late to brunch at my parents' house, so I made sure we stayed on schedule, arriving a touch early. It was interesting introducing Jasper to my parents and Emmett. Emmett and I had a tumultuous relationship to say the least. As adults, it was better and we sort of understood each other, but there were precarious moments.

Once Jasper hugged my mom and shook my dad's hand, my parents wandered back to the kitchen for more food prep. Emmett, Jasper, and I sat in the living room, chatting.

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang and Emmett got up to answer it. I figured it was Rose, so no big deal, maybe the two of them could get a head start on the matchmaking Alice and Bella had planned. When I heard shouting, Jasper and I exchanged a look and practically ran.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Rose shouted. "Get away from me you pig!"

"Emmett, what's going on?" I asked.

"He thinks..." Rose stopped, shaking her head. Tears were welling in her eyes.

She turned and walked back to her car, clearly debating leaving.

"Jasper, go talk to Rose," I said. "I'll deal with Emmett."

"What did you say to her? Christ, you just opened the door. How much damage could you have done in thirty seconds?"

Emmett looked appropriately ashamed, but I wasn't sure he was ready to fess up to what he'd done yet. I decided to give him some incentive.

"Mom and Dad are going to come out here any second with all the shouting that's been going on – you better start talking."

"I thought you guys hired her. She's gorgeous. I figured it was for Mom and Dad's benefit."

Oh, fucking hell.

"Emmett, you are so god damn dense. If I were you, I'd go start apologizing. You better hope she accepts, too, because if Dad finds out you thought Alice's new girlfriend's sister was a whore, you're in a world of hurt."

"I know, dude, I just … Fuck!"

Watching Emmett slink away like a kicked puppy was rather amusing. He was huge, the biggest of the Cullen kids, and very imposing. I tried not to laugh as I remembered his assumption, that Rose was basically a hooker there to serve as a stand-in.

Jasper had climbed into Rose's car on the passenger side, and I watched Emmett lean into her closed window. He was pleading with her to open the window and allow him to apologize. Jasper left the car and came back inside. I shut the front door to allow Emmett and Rose privacy, hoping they'd work it out. A deep sigh of relief washed over me when they walked in a few minutes later. Rose still didn't look pleased, but at least she was inside.

Once we were in the living room, Emmett introduced her to our parents, who had reappeared from the kitchen. Jasper and I sat on the couch and Rose picked a spot next to Jasper; I couldn't blame her for wanting to be as far away from Emmett as she could get.

Hannah came in and I introduced her to Jasper and Rose, and she climbed into her daddy's lap. The front door opened and I could hear Alice and Bella as Ali made the introductions. Bella shook Emmett's hand when they got into the living room, then they made their way into the kitchen to help.

Our eyes followed them, and after Alice made a crack about it not being Gawk at the Lesbians Day, some of the tension floated out of the room. We all laughed and went back to our conversations.

We ate soon after that, and although it was awkward, I was grateful that Rose didn't spill the beans about Emmett being a douche to her in front of my parents. We each had our cross to bear, and Emmett had his reasons for being such a jackass, even if I didn't agree with them. The food was delicious and the conversation was non-stop and plentiful.

Brunch ended, and Rose said her goodbyes. After she was gone, Alice reamed Emmett for his cold and distant behavior, which was amusing since she had no idea of the blowout from before. Once she knew about that, it would be another world of hurt for him, poor guy.

When we'd all had our fill of socializing, Bella, Alice, Jasper, and I all said goodbye to my parents and each other. After he picked up his overnight bag and things from my house, Jasper mentioned he'd grabbed some cider from the liquor store after work on Friday, and asked if I wanted to go to his house for a movie. Of course I did, and once we arrived, he built a fire. It was cozy and comfortable as we curled together and watched the movie. Jasper's hands were lazy against my skin, tracing paths of nothing leading to nowhere.

His fingers eventually settled on top of mine, our hands resting on my thigh as we sat next to each other. I was worried we'd never make it through the whole movie, our hormones getting the best of us, but we did. When the movie finished, Jasper put another disc in and opened his legs, beckoning me between them. It wasn't as though either of us was a small guy, so our bodies fit together awkwardly on the couch, but it worked somehow.

About halfway through, his lips carefully touched the side of my neck. The entire rest of the movie, we were touching, kissing, licking, or biting each other. I couldn't tell you how the movie ended; I was content to drown myself in Jasper's attention. I loved lying above him, our bodies together but separated by fabric. It was teasing in the best way, and I was slowly being driven insane.

Sitting up, I pulled him to straddle me. My fingers worked the button of his jeans as my mouth played with his. I needed him, needed to have an orgasm so I could just fucking think again. I had no idea how he drove me so mindlessly crazy.

He stood, pulling his pants off, and I lifted my hips to do the same. Several times our eyes connected and we shared the same excitement-filled grin. I wasn't at all surprised when he reached into the side table to pull out a condom and lube. The little I knew of Jasper informed me enough to know that he probably had a stash in each room, just in case.

A small roll of my eyes later, he was covering me with the condom. I had grabbed the bottle of lube and began to coat my fingers. I watched as he stroked me, pulling up and pushing down with the perfect amount of friction. The noises he let out helped me figure out if I was doing something right with my fingers as they pressed deep inside of him. His legs bent, body going boneless as I worked to prepare his body for mine.

Using my other hand, I pulled at his hip, guiding him to rest on my legs. The other benefit of that was his lips were back within reach, and I leaned forward, reconnecting us in that way. When Jasper scooted down my thighs, closer to my torso, I knew he was ready. His feet planted on either side of my hips and we both stared down as his body sank onto my cock. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before pushing up with my legs.

We spoke to each other the only way we knew in our new relationship – with our bodies.

I whispered my burgeoning love for him in every touch and kiss. I explored and questioned with each pull back from him, everything I felt sent back to me tenfold when he pushed down onto me. His eyes met mine and he smiled, lazy and loving, entirely surprising. The night before was so full of need and uncertainty – this night was careful and intense in opposite ways.

One of my hands went to his cock, stroking and teasing him in time to my thrusts. He'd reached back to grab the couch and was using that to help him with leverage. We moved together, in tandem, as if we'd been loving each other forever.

When he began to come, the intensity of everything I felt pushed me into my own orgasm. Movement stopped, our heavy breathing hanging between us. My hand rested on Jasper's leg, the liquid warmth from his orgasm dripping from my hand down onto him, and I became aware of the fact that we'd need to move soon.

Tilting my head up, I kissed him again, then whispered my request to get cleaned up. Jasper had to reach a hand out to help me off the couch since one of my hands was still sticky and covered, and we ended up almost falling over, we were both laughing so hard.

After our hands were washed and our clothes were back on, we separated for the night. I didn't want to leave, but I had to work in the morning and it wasn't practical to stay again without more clothes and such. Truthfully, I also wanted a little bit of space and time to think. It had been an intense weekend.

When I got home, I texted Alice to find out what she was up to. She didn't even bother to respond, just called.

"How was your night?" she asked, a lightness in her voice I hadn't heard in years.

"Fantastic. Yours?"

"So good. I'm all blissed out."

"It's nice, right?" I asked, smiling. "I'm glad for you, Ali. You deserve to be so happy."

"Mhm, but I am exhausted." She yawned, followed by a little laugh.

"Gross," I said. "Go to bed. We'll talk more tomorrow, yes?"

I didn't want to spoil her night by explaining about Emmett, so I let it go. I'd tell her the next day; maybe we'd talk on the drive to work.

After tossing some laundry into the dryer and texting Jasper to say goodnight, I crawled into bed and closed my eyes. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

Fandom4Storms Reminder

2011-06-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

This is a friendly reminder that the Fandom4Storms compilation is almost upon us! These will be mailed out June 30, and includes a James/Bella/Edward piece from me, as well as pieces from many of your favorite kickass authors. I don't think you want to miss this one... it was inspired by a sweet conversation with my friend kpeery1. I posted a teaser here, including some pics. Go donate now to get your copy in time for some fun summer reading!

Drabble for TheRainGirl4

2011-06-04T14:28:00.000-07:00

Inspired by this (nsfw) picture in this Tumblr post from TheRainGirl4, I drabbled.

Technically, it's a double drabble - 200 words exactly. I hope you enjoy, bb. <3

-

I take off my jacket. It's been a long day, and I'm thinking it might take my all night to finish this fucking report.

After I stand and kick off my shoes, I turn to look out at the vibrant city. In a few hours, the lights will glitter like gold and silver on the skyline.

The waving catches my attention first, then I notice his smile. His building is closer than I ever noticed before, and soon, we're flirting as much as two people closed off by glass can. My hands press against the warm glass, and I get an idea.

Watching his face fall, I smile and shake my head before taking a step back; I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm leaving, but I'm just stripping off my dress shirt to reveal the lace beneath. Before I can regain my senses and stop myself, I press my whole upper body into the warmth. It radiates through me and I imagine it's his hands, not the unfeeling glass.

When I open my eyes again, his shirt is undone, tie loose, and he has his phone number written on a piece of glass pressed on his side of the glass.

Dirty Drabbles for TwiSherry

2011-05-26T20:14:00.001-07:00

TwiSherry is having a bad day, and posted this animated DIRTY (nsfw) gif, asking someone to please write it for her.

I was only too happy to oblige, in the form of 3 100 word drabbles. I hope your week is awesome, Sherry, and I hope you know how very appreciated and valued you are around here.

-

We laughed and played like usual. We are the best of friends, the closest lovers.

When he suggested that I dip his cock in Nutella, I laughed – I thought he was kidding.

He wasn't.

I ran to get the jar. When I walked back in the room, he was stroking his long bare cock, hard and ready for me. As I contemplated the logistics, unscrewing the cap carefully, I decided to go the direct route: dip it right in.

Maybe we'd keep the jar by the bed.

Maybe he'd paint me with it next, then lick it all off slowly.

Waiting for the chocolate to soften and melt was a test of our patience, but we exchanged a smile, then I watched. When a small droplet began to slide down his shaft, I flattened my tongue against the skin and made my way up to the sweetness.

Once I'd thoroughly licked up what was dripping, I moved up and closed my mouth around the head. My tongue swiped out to swirl and play in the warm Nutella, taste buds dancing at the flavor.

I increased the suction, then swallowed the sweet taste of chocolate followed by the saltiness of him.

My teeth gently scrape and my tongue continues to wiggle and squirm against him. Before I can even be sure he's entirely clean, his hands thread through my hair and hold me in place as his cum spills into my mouth. I swallow several times, a small hum vibrating my mouth.

His hands leave my hair and hook under my arms, pulling me up and over his body. As I squeal, he lets go and his long fingers dip into the jar. Two swipes on my body later, he's readjusting me and sitting up, lips closed around my nipple.

Heaven.

Fandom4SAA Thoughts

2011-05-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

I like to be philanthropic - I like to give of my time and money to worthy causes. I like the feeling I get from helping, and from giving back to some organizations that have helped me through my own personal rough times.

When I can combine giving and fandom events, it makes me even happier.

Why should you donate to this cause? Fandom4SAA already did a fabulous job putting together a Facts & Stats page -- go read it, you may learn something new. It is staggeringly shocking to read some of these things in black and white, even though it really shouldn't be considering how many people I can name off the top of my head that fall into these categories.

Why did *I* decide to participate in Fandom4SAA, both as a contributing author and as a monetary donor? Easy: an organization like RAINN helped save my life.

It sounds dramatic, but the truth is, it was. I was desperate and stuck so far in denial, looking for anything to cling to or any way out. I'm lucky that I had a good friend who took me to a pay phone (oh, the days before everyone owned a cellphone *nostalgic*), dropped money in, and dialed for me. Then she sat and waited with me while I talked. When it was time to end the call (my money was gone; minutes used up), and I placed the receiver back on the hook, all I could do was cry. I was empty, but I had hope. I had the truth. I had love.

It doesn't matter who you give your money to, any of the organizations Fandom4SAA has picked are fabulous, and they've picked international organizations as well, allowing worldwide donations.

So if you can, take a minute and donate. $5 isn't much, but it's enough to make an impact. Together, we can make change happen.

On a lighter note, Fandom4SAA has posted a teaser from some of the authors in the compilation. I hope you enjoy the tease, and I hope you enjoy the piece I've decided to contribute, backstory (ahem, yes, "backstory" is what I'm calling it) on Rose/Alice/Emmett from The Trip Home.

Thank you.

Philanthropy: Fandom 4 Storms

2011-04-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

I was inspired/challenged by the lovely kpeery1 to write a Bella/James/Edward piece for the FFF, which seems DOA. It will now go to Fandom 4 Storms I hope you donate to them -- they are accepting donations as small as $3 -- and enjoy this piece. Here is a little tease, followed by the picspiration, under the cut tag.

Teaser:

“What are you smiling about?” James asked quietly, having moved closer.

“Aside from this day? I was remembering when Bella and I met you.”

The Discovery of Bella Swan Playlist

2011-04-24T14:24:00.000-07:00

My apologies to those that have been waiting for me to post this. I said I would ages ago and then was a slacker of epic proportions. Here you go, this is the playlist as I have it in my outline. I also added a player so you can click on that and listen, if you'd like.

Thank you for your support and love of this story. Those of you that are curious, I'm in the process of editing Paper Moon so that I can begin writing it again. I'm hoping to post the first new chapter within the next month.

Chapter 11 – Unwritten – Natasha Beddingfield
Chapter 12 – New Soul – Yael Naim
Chapter 13 – Details in the Fabric – Jason Mraz
Chapter 14 – Clumsy – Fergie
Chapter 15 – You Owe Me Nothing in Return – Alanis
Chapter 16 – no song
Chapter 17 – Let Go – Frou Frou
Chapter 18 – Crazy For You – Madonna
Chapter 19 – Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol
Chapter 20 – Gamble Everything for Love – Ben Lee

Drabble for Kassiah

2011-03-22T22:09:00.000-07:00

When Kassiah tumbled this (NSFW) picture, I knew I had to write something for her. This is what happened, and I hope she enjoys it. ♥

-

“I'm fucking starving,” Bella says.

She jumps out of my arms, out of our bed, and I watch her naked body as she runs out of the room. Presumably, she's going down the hall and into the kitchen to fix a snack.

I'm glad, actually, because now that I think about it, I'm hungry too. I can hear her rummaging around and I smile.

When she comes into view, I stop to admire her body. She's partially bent over, half-inside the refrigerator.

Suddenly, I'm not thinking about food at all.

My hands grip her hips, my voice low. "Stay still."

Drabbles - Piano

2011-02-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

This is really more of a drabble on steroids - 400 words - but I couldn't do it in just 100, I apologize. I also didn't want to carry it out to 1,000. This is the (NSFW) picture that inspired it. This isn't the happiest piece I've ever written, but I still hope you enjoy.

-

She'd been gone for months. Two months, five days, nine hours, to be exact. Weeks of loneliness, months of missing her.

I'd never given her the words she deserved, never told her how deeply I loved her. Instead, she died perhaps not knowing just how fucking much I loved and needed her. How much her smile made my heart swell. How hearing her soft ooh as she came made me harder than I'd ever been.

Maybe I didn't even realize it until she was gone. What a fucking fool I was. I should have carried her away, flown her to foreign cities, skipped days of sleep to pleasure her.

Now, I saw her everywhere. Her face, her hair, her scent. I almost thought I could feel her at times. How did she permeate everything? Appear everywhere, but nowhere?

The sweater I kept in my bedroom closet clung to her scent. I would wear it, sniff it, feel wrapped in her still. Wrapped in her body, her hands, her legs, her love. It made the ache throb, made my whole body throb with need for her, but somehow eased the pain at the same time.

However, I missed her the most at my piano.

What had once been a place of torture for me as a child, turned into a source of income for me as a young adult, and then, when she showed up in my life, it became a place of debauchery for us together.

We'd fucked with her laying back on it, me standing between her legs, breasts bouncing for me. I'd buried my face between her thighs while she sat upright, toes tapping keys without her conscious permission. Her breasts had pressed against the cold wood as I carefully pushed into her from behind, my hands framing her soft hips.

I played carefully and slowly, then carelessly and wildly, letting my fingers bang the keys in ways I'd been warned not to. The music we'd created together, the songs I'd spent hours writing for her she'd never gotten a chance to hear, and the melancholy pieces I'd written once she left me.

Sitting on the bench now was cold and lonely, but I would close my eyes and imagine her there. Imagine her above me, comforting me, like an angel. She'd become my own personal angel and demon, weightless and haunting. Comforting and torturing. Giving and taking.

Emo Drabble

2011-02-20T15:43:00.000-08:00

She watched it swirl, trickling down the drain. Reds and pinks blended in lost dreams and hopes emptying from her body.

Sliding down the cold wall, she finally hit the floor. Finally hit the bottom, emotions emptying through her eyes.

How long had they been trying? How long had she held onto hope that evaporated every month?

She hated her body for a week each month. Pure, raw hate. She wanted to mark it, bruise it, beat it into submission.

Instead, she watched the water swirl and wished it could be all of her, slipping peacefully, quietly down the drain.

Shower Drabbles

2011-02-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

Today on Twitter, Squally asked me to funny shower drabble. Well, it's not funny, but I still hope she likes it. She provided this NSFW picture as inspiration. Here you go, Squallygirl. Thank you for inspiring me with your pictures and kindness.

-
The water hits my skin softly. It's the only thing gentle about this experience, and as he pounds into me from behind, I'm thankful.

My hands are curled around the “accessibility bar” we had installed. I can only pray it doesn't rip right out of the wall; how would we explain that? It was tough enough explaining why two seemingly healthy adults needed it.

My head is pressed against the tile, my breathing deep and fast like him, and god, I just need his fingers to move. Just slightly. But he's greedy, teasing me, denying me.

Fuck, I love him.
-

Then, cosmogirl jumped in and offered up this tasty NSFW nugget of picspiration. I couldn't just leave that alone, right (twss)? As such, the drabble went on.

-
The soap is everywhere, and I can't help but think someone's going to fall and break something. He decides this means I'm safest on my knees, he tells me with a wink. I laugh, but comply.

We've had plenty of playtime together already, but he's the only one that's come. Once I'm kneeling, I get to play with one of my favorite parts of him.

Both of my hands wrap around him, thick and long. He's still smiling down at me, but his whole body is tense. His hands reach and touch, fingers teasing, gliding against my skin.

I beg.