A/N: Thank you to TwilightMundi, who always so graciously helps me clean this story up.

Some interesting turns were taken in this chapter, diverting from my outline... this means there are now less chapters ahead than I anticipated, FYI. Blame Edward.

Some of you asked for a recap in your reviews for chapter 22. So sorry I did not do this in the previous chapter, so here is the recap of chapters 1-21, written in freeform by me, late one night (so it's a bit ramble-y):

Bella lost both of her parents (Renee slowly to cancer, Charlie quickly to a work-related injury). Her boyfriend/love of her life cheated on her with Mike. She moved away to Dartmouth for a fresh start, road tripping all the way out there and re-discovering herself. She rooms with Alice and Rose, and dates Jasper, Emmett, and Tanya during her first week, which was overwhelming. She kisses Emmett and has sparks, but he feels nothing for her. She does more than kiss Jasper, but then he is attracted to Alice. She does more than kiss with Tanya, but her ex-girlfriend Kate, who briefly dated Edward, decides she wants her back. This is sounding like a terrible crackfic, omg. Okay, so in comes Edward, who is a little judgey toward Bella. They sort of have it out, but then call a truce. Bella finds out he's Alice and Rose's cousin, and then she also hooks up Emmett and Rose and Alice and Jasper, and starts spending more time with Edward. She wants to be single for a bit but can't really deny her attraction to Edward, so they start to flirt and banter and semi-date. Edward begins sending her CDs with meaningful songs on them. Then they date for real, and it's a disaster, as he feeds her shrimp and she's allergic. They have their first real kiss after Edward makes sure Bella no longer thinks he's an asshole and then begin dating seriously. Edward takes her away to a B&B for a night and they have an important talk about STDs, agreeing to go get tested together. Bella calls Jake to ask about his cheating on her and protection and he apologizes for what he put her through, finally admitting he's gay. She has a mini breakdown, because she realizes that everything she built up in her head was wrong, and everything she thought about her life with Jake was a lie. Edward, of course, is there to help her through that, and back at school Bella has to tell Jasper and Tanya about the unprotected sex and the risk to them (minimal), and Tanya reveals she wants to get back together with Bella, which makes Bella realize she definitely has no interest in anyone but Edward.

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Edward and I had texted through the time they were gone, and on Thanksgiving, I was surprised when I heard a knock at the door.

BPOV

"Jasper, what are you doing here?"

"Well, it's nice to see you, too, Bella," he said with a little laugh. "I had a feeling you weren't really going anywhere for turkey day, so I decided to impose upon you. Although I did bring food, so hopefully that negates my impact."

His adorable smirk never waned as he semi-pushed passed me and into the room.

"Jasper, I... Well, I was going to-"

"Don't even go there, B," he interrupted. "You don't need to explain, I'm not asking you to. Just one friend visiting another on a holiday."

Closing my mouth (and the door), I sat on the couch with him and watched as he spread out the food he'd brought. I could see sliced turkey, cheese, bread, pickles, olives, and what looked like brownies.

"Jasper, where'd you get all this food?" I asked.

"Eh, I went grocery shopping earlier."

There was a pause in the conversation as we ate, then he looked at me, seemed to be evaluating me.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked. "I know this day has to be hard for you. You … you don't look so good. Do you need to talk?"

I'd spent the morning crying and feeling sad, and sorry for myself. I missed everyone – my parents, my friends, my boyfriend, and I felt incredibly lonely. I even found myself missing the familiarity of Jake.

Instead of telling him the truth and talking, though, I shook my head no. It wouldn't feel right to open up to Jasper like that, not when I was so strongly missing Edward and wanting to confide in him. Why had I been so stupid and insisted on not going with them? I would probably have been having a much happier time just being around them. No one needed to know how miserable I was inside, I'd be eating turkey and surrounded with people I love.

When we finished eating, we put a movie on. It was slightly uncomfortable, sitting there, knowing Jasper had caught me in a partial truth about my break plans. I felt compelled to explain. Turning to him, I looked down at my hands and laced my fingers together, mimicking the comforting actions I'd come to love from Edward – the way he'd take my hand, but not just hold it, he'd move his fingers over mine, tracing and rubbing, always actively touching me.

"Jasper, you know, I just didn't know what to say," I began. "I felt uncomfortable and awkward, in the spotlight, and then everyone had somewhere to go. I don't want to be anyone's blanket they carry around with them because they have to or feel obligated."

He turned to face me, then shook his head.

"You know that's not fair, right?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Not fair to whom?"

"Bella, your friends are sort of like a chosen second family. They want to be there for you no matter what, no matter when, no matter why."

"I agree, everyone here feels like family. I just hate being weak and dependent on anyone else."

"Did you say that when Alice needed your help in her English class last week?"

I shook my head no.

"How about when Rose asked you at brunch about cooking for Emmett? Was she weak?"

Again, I shook my head.

"It's easier to believe in this family when you're on the giving end of things, but it isn't selfish to ask of your friends – it makes them feel useful and wanted."

Jasper had a knack for saying exactly what I needed to hear, and in that moment, he couldn't have been more right. I began to panic, uncertain of how to make things right with everyone.

"What do I do now?" I asked as the tears began to fall.

"I'm not sure, to be honest," he said. His thumb reached out and swept my tears away. "Everyone's going to be hurt, for different reasons. Alice and Rose will understand, but I don't know Edward well enough to know how he'll react. Do you want to run through some ways to talk to them, or do you want me to leave you alone to think about it?"

"I need to think. And shower," I said with a little laugh.

"You do. You stink," Jasper said playfully, joining my laughter. "Alright, I'm going to get going, then. I promised Alice I'd call her at six."

Walking Jasper to the door, I tried to form a plan in my head, but it was one big blur of panic and worry.

"Just call them," he said, before giving me a kiss on the cheek and walking out of my suite.

When he was gone, I flopped onto my bed and looked at my phone. Was it really just as simple as calling and apologizing? So far, I hadn't lied a ton – I'd never said I was going anywhere for the break, or told anyone anything entirely untrue. Still, I'd misled them, even I could see that.

"Edward," I half-breathed, half-sobbed into the phone once I'd mustered the courage to call. "I'm so sorry."

"Bella?" he asked, clearly worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine... just a fucking idiot. Edward, I need to tell you something. When I told you guys I had plans for Thanksgiving, I wasn't exactly being honest," I explained. "It's not like I out and out lied, mind you, I just had plans to stay here."

The call was quiet for several moments, and my worry increased with each passing second. I couldn't help the tears, falling faster.

"Do you hate me?" I choked out.

"What? No, Bella, of course I don't hate you."

Letting out a huge breath, I could hear him shifting in place. Imagining the look of disappointment marring his beautiful face made me feel even more disappointed in myself.

"Why didn't you come with us?" His voice was tinged with sadness and hurt. "Do you not want to meet my family?"

Oh, crap. Of course that's what any normal person would think.

"That's not it at all, Edward. I'm just so stupid. I felt awful when Alice asked, like I'm the lost puppy everyone has to adopt and care for. I should have talked to you about it after brunch, but I just thought it would be fine and no one would even care or notice. Then Jasper came over, an-"

"Jasper's there?" Edward interrupted.

"No, not anymore. He came over to make sure I was okay, brought some food, and encouraged me to call you and come clean."

Suddenly, he sounded angry. "So you talked to Jasper about this, but couldn't talk to me?"

"Well, I mean, I didn't intend to talk to him about it," I practically whispered. "He was just here, and..." I stopped trying, since I knew there was really no justification. "I'm sorry."

"Bella, when we first started dating, I told you that you didn't have to ever tell me anything you didn't want to. Instead of just saying you didn't want to talk about it, you misled us."

The quiet hung in the air between us again, dragging out and making the ache in my chest grow. He hadn't sounded angry when he last spoke, just hurt. I couldn't decide if that was better or worse than anger.

"I need to run. We're getting ready to play Scrabble, and I don't have much more to say. We'll talk when I get back?"

"Yes," I sniffled. "Can I still plan to pick you up?"

"Yeah."

He was quiet and subdued, and I had no idea how to read his voice and gauge his reactions. We hung up and I sobbed quietly in bed, then raged loudly since I had the freedom and space, a rare commodity.

I was angry at everything and nothing, but mostly at myself. All the bullshit I spewed about being New Bella was just that – bullshit – if I couldn't back it up with my choices and behavior. I'd lied to the people I cared about most. What the fuck was I doing?

No one called or texted me that night, and I was actually grateful. It allowed me the peace and space I needed to work things out in my head.

The next morning, Alice texted me with I miss you. It was simple and to the point, and somehow, I knew Edward had told her about my fib. I texted her back to let her know that I missed her, too, and was eager for her return.

That afternoon, I went for a run. It was cold and my lungs ached with the temperature and how hard I pushed myself, but I needed it; I needed the burn in my lungs, my legs, my heart.

The evening was awful. I took an extra-long shower. I wrote in my journal. I made promises, aloud and unspoken, to myself. My attempts to give Edward his space that day were well-intentioned, but I realized perhaps slightly misguided when he texted me with a very simple I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Miss me?

God, if he only knew how much I'd missed him. I texted him back almost immediately.

More than I could ever express. See you tomorrow, xoxo.

That night was spent primping, shaving, picking out clothes (and lingerie, since I was spending Saturday night with him), and putting my head back on straight. I didn't need to beat myself over the rocks for my mistake, that wouldn't help anyone. The best way to recover, I decided, was to just stop thinking I always knew what was best for those around me, and taking the choice out of their hands. I had thought the girls and Edward would be happier without me around, because I knew I'd be sad about my family. The truth, though, was probably that, like Jasper had said, they'd have loved the opportunity to help me through a tough time.

When I awoke the next day, I was nervous, but excited. My bag was already packed, so I spent the afternoon checking the flight on the airline's website and pacing my room. I kept my ESBC playlist on repeat, and tried to read, stretch, anything I could think of to settle my mind.

Finally, once it was closer to arrival time, I left for the airport. Not wanting to drive to and from Boston, they'd flown in a tiny prop plane, and I giggled when I dropped them off at how small the airport was. Granted, I hadn't flown much so I had little to compare it to, but still.

Arriving early, I waited for their flight as close to the gate as I could get. Alice and Rose were on the same flight as Edward, but meeting Emmett, whose flight arrived a little bit later, then driving to the dorms together. Watching them walk toward me, the anticipation and nervousness grew.

Alice embraced me first, in a crushing hug. Attempting to keep my emotions in check, but failing miserably, I cried at the relief of seeing them and really knowing they weren't upset with me. Rose hugged me, then they wandered off.

Edward, however, was another story. Sure, he hugged me and held my hand as usual, but there was a distance there. An uncomfortable, unpleasant, certainly unwanted distance. He drove us the short distance to his apartment, then carried my bag in, setting it just inside his bedroom.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Yeah. We had breakfast and lunch, but I'm hungry."

There was no hint of teasing or playfulness in his voice, where there would usually have been a double entendre.

"Do you want to eat here? I could make something, or we could go out..."

"We can grab something here. Are you going to eat, too?" he asked.

"Yeah, I could go for some dinner."

We rummaged through the cabinets and fridge, piecing together a meal. As we ate at the table, the silence dragged on. The longer we didn't talk, the more afraid I got. He had said he'd missed me, though, so I felt optimistic about that.

"Did you have a nice time visiting your family?"

I was trying, really.

"I did. My mom actually said she was disappointed she didn't get to meet you; I don't think Alice and Rose left any detail of you unspoken," he laughed, and a tiny spark of lightness floated over him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't meet her. Maybe next time?"

Edward looked up, then turned his body to mine.

"I'd like that a lot. I think you two would get along really well. I wanted to talk to you about that, in fact. Come on," he said, tugging my hand lightly.

We went to his bedroom, and I was nervous. So far, there hadn't been any steamy kissing or reconnection on an intimate level, so I was unsure of what to expect. Following him still, I climbed into bed once he motioned for me to join him, and laid in his arms, our bodies still fully clothed, spooned together.

"You know, I should have known better than to not ask you explicitly about your plans," he said, sighing. "I mean, I knew you weren't flying anywhere. I just didn't really think about it, you know? I'm sorry."

Uncertain of what to say or how to react, I blinked a few times and thought about what to say.

"Are you okay?" he asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"I am, mostly," I said.

Pulling me into his embrace more, he nuzzled his nose down into the crook of my neck.

"Are you okay?" he repeated, quieter the second time, but with more emphasis and unspoken meaning.

"Yeah," I whispered. "I think I'm getting there. But I still miss them. The ache is so strong sometimes."

"I know," he said quietly. "I know exactly what you mean."

We laid like that, quiet, holding each other close – holding each other together – for hours.

"What about Christmas?" I finally asked.

"Hmm?" he hummed, and I realized he'd fallen asleep.

Turning to face him, we stretched out next to each other and I repeated my question.

"Ahh, Christmas," he said, yawning. "Well, actually, after we talked the last time, I made some plans for us. I hope it wasn't too presumptuous."

The relief I felt as his admission was immediate and overwhelming. For what felt like the millionth time that week, tears pooled in my eyes.

"You did?" I asked, leaning up to kiss his nose.

"Yeah. I didn't want you to be alone, or to protest. I thought we could join my family and knock out at least one thing from your list."

"Oh?" I asked, between soft kisses up and down his jawline.

"Mmhmm," he hummed. Gripping my hips, he turned us so he was lying on his back, my legs straddling the outside of his body.

"Which one?" I asked.

My focus was quickly evaporating – Edward's hands were moving up and down my denim-covered thighs, pulling me tighter to his body. It wasn't at all how I imagined reconnecting with him in this way. We'd just laid together, I'd cried, I was slightly sweaty, and not even in my sexy lingerie, but it felt right.

Shifting my body slightly, I angled my hips closer against his and we both moaned. My mouth was at his ear, and his at mine, as our bodies moved together. Our need for each other was palpable, and I wasn't sure we'd even get our clothes off.

Pushing his body up, Edward's slid against me in the most delicious ways, and I gripped my hands into his hair. When I felt his fingertips curl around my thighs and trace the seam of my pants between my legs, I moaned softly. As he pressed harder, I moved faster, needing and wanting more. When his fingers moved against my clit, I gasped and pushed into him again.

We moved like this, the sound of our clothes rustling, until I began to feel my orgasm approach. I'd never done this, whatever this was, and it was intoxicating, knowing I could affect him in this way, even fully clothed. He nipped gently at my neck and spoke softly, words of love, affirmation, and dirty, dirty things. Closing my eyes, I rode out my orgasm as I wiggled against him more quickly, my pleasure spiking and being punctuated with loud cries.

Before I knew what was happening, Edward had turned us over and was pushing his body against mine again. His hands were wrapped around me, our bodies as close as they could be while still clothed. Whispering again, he told me how much he'd missed me, missed us, then went quiet as his body tensed above me. My hands were still threaded in his hair, our mouths finding each other in the quiet aftermath of what we'd done.

Edward's head rested on my shoulder as he regained his breath, and he began to laugh. Soon, we were both laughing hysterically, though I wasn't entirely certain why. It was like the feeling from before, I wasn't sure of the origin or reason, but it felt right.

"Sorry," Edward laughed, finally moving to my side.

"Sorry?" I asked.

"Yeah, I didn't intend to just attack you like that. I just, God, it was a really long week," he said. "Thank you."

"Did you... I mean..."

Flustered, I wasn't sure how to ask if Edward had quite the happy ending there that I'd had.

"Shower?" I asked, hoping it would convey everything.

"Yes, I did," he said, smiling. "Yes, shower."

The sun had long ago set, I realized as we made our way into the bathroom. Leaning against the counter, I watched as Edward started the shower, then made his way back to me. Trapping me there, an arm on each side of my body, he began to kiss me carefully, tentatively. My hands moved up from his, eventually settling on his strong biceps.

Resting his forehead against mine, he ran his nose up and down the length of mine, then he spoke. "My mom, she's so great, but sometimes I can see the grief just weighing on her. It's as though she wears it like a sweater. She misses my sister so much, and I try to be everything for her, to be perfect. It's exhausting."

Winding my hands up and around his shoulders, I pulled him closer to me.

"It would have been nice to have you there, Bella. I needed you too, you know," he confessed. "Need you still."

My heart ached again at his words, and I felt the truth of them, the weight of my own selfishness at not even having thought about his pain and loss. "I'm sorry," I said, kissing his lips. "I'm sorry," I repeated, kissing his left eyelid. "I'm sorry," I said, moving to the right side. "I'm so very sorry," I finished, one last whisper of a kiss against his lips.

"Let's get cleaned up and we can talk more," he suggested.

Removing my clothes for me, Edward set them in a pile, then removed his own, with slightly more care when he got to his boxers. I had to giggle; it was just funny, and seemed odd.

"Have you ever done that before?" I asked.

"Come in my boxers, or dry humped?" he asked. "Wait, doesn't matter, the answer to both is yes."

Laughing, we stepped into the shower together. It was warm, and wet, and standing there in Edward's embrace was perfect. Once we were both clean, we got out and dried each other off. Before I had a chance to put my pajamas or any lingerie on, Edward pulled me to bed with him.

"Nothing between us tonight," he said quietly.

Slipping into the cool sheets, I smiled when Edward's hands were immediately on my body, pulling me to him. Our legs tangled together, bodies pressed closely as we faced each other.

"So, Christmas – I made plans for us to spend it with my parents in Aspen. They have a house there, and we can hang out, enjoy the snow, get those boarding lessons you have on your list. My parents won't care if we stay together, so you can knock off the one about waking up in my arms for a week straight, too."

Certain my expression had crumpled, I looked away from his happy, relaxed face. Another lie I had to own up to.

"Edward, I need to tell you something."

My stomach felt like it was being turned inside out.

"I don't know how you're going to react, because you were so upset over my misleading you, but this is a flat out lie I told you." Taking a deep breath, I attempted to calm down. It didn't help. "SB on my list was never snowboarding."

The bed shook slightly, and I looked up. I was confused; why did Edward find this funny?

"Bella, you're so fucking adorable. Seriously, Coffee Girl, did you really think I had no idea what SB meant?"

Leaning down, he kissed my forehead first, then tilted my chin to raise my lips to his.

"I think the first time I realized what it meant, I was hard for hours. That's another reason I want to take you away for Christmas," he said, moving to kiss my neck. "You, me, privacy, protection-required period over..."

His teeth scraped across my collarbone and I sighed.

He knew.

He'd known all along what SB meant, or at least, he'd figured it out at some point.

Relief.

It was ten tons of stress removed from my body all at once, and I felt playful and relaxed.

"You'd better let me work on this one just a bit, then," I said, nudging him to roll onto his back. "I mean, I can't cross it off until I've thoroughly explored you, Scone Boy."

Back to the confident and self-assured man I loved, Edward crossed his arms beneath his head and winked at me once I'd settled between his legs.

Starting at his toes, I noticed and memorized every detail I could about his body. I wanted my exploration of him to be mental, physical, and emotional. For that night, though, I decided to stick with learning what he liked, what made him groan and moan, and how to tease him just right.

Kissing a path up his calf, I nipped lightly behind his knee and his entire body jerked. When I licked and kissed the same spot, he let out a loud gust of air. His thighs were more predictable, and my lips and teeth elicited the expected soft moans.

Intentionally skipping over the part of him begging me for attention the most, I peppered small kisses from one hipbone across to the other. Of course, his dick was constantly reminding me of its presence beneath my breasts at that point, and I had to hold in a giggle.

Dipping my tongue quickly into his belly button, I continued my path up, and teased his nipples. I had no idea men's nipples were even a sensitive spot, but the way he squirmed and made noise... I made a mental note that it was a spot to revisit. Edward's attitude and willingness to simply let me explore spoke volumes to me about his trust in me, and his self-image. How many men would lay themselves bare like this to be examined?

Pulling his small nipple between my teeth, I looked up at him and returned his wink as I gently bit. I expected him to jump or pull away, but he stayed very still and seemed to almost purr with pleasure. Moving to the other side, I repeated the action, then followed it with a quick kiss and lick. Crawling higher, I put my knees on either side of his hips, our bodies dangerously aligned, and rested my mouth against his neck.

Here, I paused. I inhaled, his scent, his being, the moment – everything I could.

"I love you," I said quietly, before I moved up to kiss his lips. Lingering here, too, I watched as his eyes took me in, as well.

"I think I need a list," Edward said against my lips, "because I certainly intend to repay this favor."

Shivering at the thought, I kissed him deeper. His hands moved to my back and I realized I'd allowed myself to get distracted. Breaking our kiss, I shook my head and smiled at him again. "Still my turn."

Kissing from his bicep down, I moved all the way to his fingertips. Picking his hand up, I kissed each fingertip, then on a whim, sucked one into my mouth. Edward's eyes closed and his head fell back against the pillow.

Observing his reactions carefully, I experimented using my teeth, gently scraping the surface of his skin. Then, I nipped at his palm, kissed the skin there, and turned his hand over. Once I'd repeated the same actions on the back of his hand, I gave one last kiss and set it down on the sheets.

With a smug smile, I trailed my kisses down the outside of his thigh, then moved in. Taking him in my hand, I watched his reactions to my touches, licks, and the way I changed the pace of everything I did. It was fascinating to see how he responded to my tongue teasing him versus my lips wrapping around his skin and taking him into my mouth.

Edward's tenderness as I experimented was a sharp contrast to Jake, but I tried not to think about it; it only came to mind when I felt Edward's fingers playing gently with my hair, touching and rubbing me as I loved him. There was no demanding roughness, although I wouldn't have minded that from him, just his hands reassuring and connecting with me.

After several minutes of my attention, I could feel him tug slightly, and I was unsure what to do. Sure, I'd swallowed before, but it wasn't my favorite thing. If I hesitated too long, it wouldn't really be my choice anymore, so I tried to think quickly, and finally decided to go with it. Using one of my hands, I simply found Edward's on my head and covered it reassuringly. My other hand continued to work his body, along with my mouth, and soon he was coming.

Watching him fall apart under my touch, my actions, my body – me – was spectacular. It was the second time that night I felt powerful and sexy, wanted, loved, and frankly, wanton.

As he came down, I kissed my way back up to him. I was surprised when he pulled me closer and kissed me soundly; Jake would never in a million years have even given me a peck until I'd brushed my teeth after giving him a blowjob. His body was soft against mine, but his mouth seemed to convey everything in that moment, his tongue sliding sensually against mine.

That was how we fell asleep that night – wrapped together, curled and twisted, tangled arms and legs, bodies as close as they could be. As I fell asleep, I thought about what it would be like to meet Edward's parents, what uninhibited, condom-less sex with him would feel like (I wasn't even sure why he was so eager for it), how our bodies would slide together in ten years, if he wanted babies, if I did, and so many other things.