A/N: I was conflicted on this chapter; I wanted to go back and cover some of the same territory with Bella meeting Edward, but I really hate doing the same events through different POVs. I hope I did an okay job.
Thank you to my beta, TwilightMundi, for her very helpful feedback.
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I stood up and walked away. At least she doesn't hate me anymore. That fiery temper of hers is going in the 'bank' for later tonight, though.
As Edward walked away, I considered the extreme stupidity of both adding another person to the mix that was my romantic life, and turning down the drop dead gorgeous man in front of me.
Sure, he was hot. That hair, those eyes. Frankly, he was also an asshole. I felt such relief at being completely honest with him, too. Props to New Bella. So far, I was enjoying her much more than Old Bella.
As I stood up and gathered my things, I realized that I'd talked to Edward through most of my first class. Fuck. Well, I decided quickly that New Bella was okay with cutting class to talk to hotties. Even if they were asshole hotties.
Getting out my book that I'd packed in my messenger back that morning for any "just in case" moments of time like the one I now had, I settled into my chair as much as I could and sat back to read. That time, I got my cell phone out of my bag and set the alarm so that I wouldn't be late to class.
Sooner than I would have imagined, the alarm was chirping loudly, startling me from my peaceful reading and occasional out loud giggling.
Throwing my garbage in the trash can, I grabbed a stick of minty gum from my bag to chew on before walking toward the classroom. It was another beautiful day outside and I knew the weather would soon turn nasty and cold, so I stood in one spot, enjoying the sun for a brief moment. These were the things Old Bella never did that New Bella would not get tired of – sneaking time for herself in the middle of the day, stopping to enjoy the moment, re-evaluating how things felt, tasted, smelled.
I got to the door and swept the room looking for Jasper. Realizing I was still standing in the entrance, I felt a set of warm hands snake around my waist. The warm breath hit my ear and I heard and felt him as he whispered, resting his chin on my shoulder.
"Hey there, Little Miss."
A wide smile crossed my face as he moved to my side, taking my hand in his and leading me to a spot to sit.
"So, I heard you had a hot date on Saturday night," Jasper said in a teasing tone.
"Oh, I sure did."
I wasn't ready to give any ground; this game seemed like it had potential to be fun. I began unpacking the things I needed for class from my messenger bag.
"Did you have a good time? Such a lucky guy..." he said with a smile, and I swear his eyes twinkled. The green polo shirt he was wearing really brought out the color of his eyes and they were amazingly clear and blue.
Aware that there were people all around us, I leaned in to drop my next line.
"I had an unimaginably good time. Though I think I was the lucky one. How many girls get to be that close to a hot-as-hell dream guy, in what can only be described as a sex ready bed?" Shifting my gaze to something I hoped was slightly lusty, I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "I sure hope he invites me over again soon."
He looked momentarily stunned, as if his brain froze mid-thought and he had to restart it to come up with his next quippy comeback. He chuckled softly before lowering his mouth to my neck, almost exactly where it had been as we walked in the door together.
"You'd be surprised how slippery those sheets are," he said with a grin. "They aren't at all good for sex; not enough traction. They sure do feel nice after, though."
I shivered. Literally shivered, making him chuckle again, his hot breath still tingling my ear.
"Bella, maybe we should concentrate on class today. As much as I'd like to see where this conversation goes, I need the blood to start returning to my brain, so I'm going to cut to the chase. When can I see you again?"
He placed a soft kiss below my ear before moving back to a normal sitting position. It was my turn to be stunned. Shocked. Speechless.
The teacher began our lecture for the day and I cursed our ability to get interrupted by them all the time.
Tearing a sheet of paper out of my notebook, I scratched out a note.
How about either studying sometime during the week, or a movie night on Friday at my place?
Passing it to him, I watched him laugh before he leaned over and wrote his reply.
Can I be greedy and ask for a Friday night movie and a weeknight study date?
As long as you make it worth my while to spend two nights with you...
Hah, take that, Jasper. We bantered back and forth for several more minutes.
Are you trying to kill me? I need blood to the brain, remember? I will so make it worth your while, sweetheart. Free tonight?
Absolutely. Do you have a class after this? I wrote.
Yep, one more and then I'm free. You?
Last class of my day. What time should I come over?
He replied, How about 5:30? We can order some dinner.
I felt his hand rest on my knee for most of the remainder of the class and it made me tingle, sparkle, light up from the inside out. I hadn't felt this way about someone else, maybe ever.
I knew I had strong feelings for Tanya, but I wasn't sure exactly what they were. Were we the type of people that could get along long-term, forever? I didn't know her well enough to think about it yet, but then, I didn't know Jasper well enough either. I was trying to force myself to narrow my choices and I had to remind myself that this wasn't the past; I could take my time with my options. I had nothing but time ahead of me.
When class was over, I walked with Jasper to his next class. He turned and gave me a soft kiss before he walked into the lecture hall and I floated back to my room to get ready for our date. I didn't want to be presumptuous, but on the other hand I wanted to be prepared.
In case I stayed the night, I packed up my toiletries. I also packed a light blue silk and lace nightgown and some clothes for the next day. Deciding I could wear the same jeans, bra and shoes, I just packed a new top and panties in order to save space. I knew I wasn't going to sleep with Jasper, but that didn't mean I couldn't sleep with him.
Gathering my things, I looked at the clock; I had thirty minutes before I was supposed to be at Jasper's apartment, so I decided to email Rose and Alice and let them know that I might not be home that night, so they shouldn't worry.
I packed up one last thing, my digital camera, thankful it was small enough to fit into my purse. I wanted to get a photograph of the outside of the building for my board, as well as one of Jasper. Wondering if it was weird that I wanted to take his picture, I decided not to stress too much over it – if the moment presented itself, great, and if not, that was great too.
It was time for me to start walking over to Jasper's building, so I left the room and locked the door behind me. When I turned back around to begin the trip, I nearly smacked right into Jasper's chest. We both laughed and he wrapped his arms around me for the second time that day. I breathed him in, his scent surrounding me.
Looking up at him with questioning eyes, I saw him smiling.
"Sorry, I couldn't wait. Can I take your bag?"
"Sure, Jasper." And for the first time, I let a guy carry my bag. It was nice.
The walk to his room was quick, probably since it was clear neither of us could wait to be alone. Once the door was opened, I briefly considered putting up a fight to get our homework done, since it was supposed to be a study date more than anything else. Really, though, the hormones were in charge.
Jasper kicked the door shut and reached out for me, his lips meeting mine with urgent need. I guess I'm not the only one. We made our way over to the bed. His room was pretty small so it wasn't a huge distance. I felt the comforter at the back of my knees and sat, bringing him with me. Moving back on the bed, I rested my head on the pillows as Jasper hovered above me, kissing my lips softly.
Having only ever been with Jacob, I wasn't sure about the rules in these areas. I reminded myself of New Bella and mustered up the courage to actually talk to Jasper.
"Jasper," I breathed. "Mmm, Jasper, we need to talk. Just for a minute," I laughed.
He sat up, still straddling me, and I lost my breath.
"What is it, Bella?" He looked concerned and I immediately felt bad.
"I'm sorry, Jasper, c'mere. We can talk like this." Pulling him back down to me, I kissed around his neck and nuzzled him with my nose, trying to keep my senses about me.
"Jasper, you know I haven't been with a lot of guys, right?" I said softly. "When I say 'a lot', I mean I've only ever been with one, Jake. I don't know what the rules are. I'm not sure how this goes. I like you, a lot, Jasper, but I know I'm not ready to go all the way yet and I want to make sure we're on the same page. I don't want to lead you on, but my God, you are hard to resist." Moving my mouth back to his after my last comment, I softly pushed my hips up into his.
"I have to get this out of the way before I'm no longer capable of rational thought. So tell me, Jasper, are you okay with that?" Please say yes.
"Mmm, Bella, you smell so good." He was burying his nose in my hairline at my neck, softly nipping at my skin now and then. "I know what you mean about being hard to resist... but I'm okay with whatever limits you need. Just be clear, I would never want to push, or ask you to do anything you aren't ready for."
He sat back up, straddling me again, and I bit my lower lip at the sight.
"Bella, did you hear me?"
"Yeah, I did. I heard you." I tried not to sound like a bumbling idiot. Tried.
"I think maybe we should take a break from this and get our homework done."
I must've been completely unable to hide my pouty face; Jasper started to laugh and leaned back over for a moment, placing his mouth next to my ear.
"I promise we'll come back to this when we're done, Bella."
If that wasn't incentive to finish our homework, nothing would be. We ordered a pizza before we began and had been good about working together with minimal touching, although we were sharing Jasper's student desk, so the surface area was pretty cramped.
At one point, I leaned over to reach for something across the desk and Jasper's knuckles grazed my nipple. I tried to hold in the moan, but obviously he felt it too, and the next thing I knew he was attacking me with hot, wet kisses, cupping my face in his hands.
I was the one to break the kiss, mostly because I just wanted to finish my damn homework and go back to the bed.
Pulling back, I patted his hand, trying to focus. When I was finished, I literally flipped my book closed and hopped up in glee. Jasper, however, was not. The sun had set, so I decided to give him a little... incentive to finish faster.
"Jazz, can I change into something a little more comfortable?"
I tried really hard to hide the excitement in my voice, but I was sure some of it seeped through. He looked up at me with a curious expression.
"You brought clothes?"
Uh oh. "Well, um. Hmm. I might have. Is that a bad thing?"
His expression changed and he looked like he was going to bolt up from his chair and tackle me. Shifting in his seat, he looked back down at his book and chuckled.
"Nope, not a bad thing at all, Bella. I just didn't expect it. Does this mean I get to spend the whole night with you?"
I could've sworn I heard his voice crack towards the end of his sentence.
"Maybe. We'll see if you can be a good boy or not and get a reward. For now, I just want to be in comfy clothes and relax with you."
Good job, Bella, make him earn it. A night with you is a reward. Don't forget that. You're worth the work and effort.
I was sure he'd expected me to go down the hall to the bathroom to change, and I heard him gasp when my shirt came over my head. My back was toward him, so I turned my head over my shoulder to look at him.
"Sorry, would you like me to go down the hall to the bathroom?"
"N... no, you don't need to do that. I'm just surprised, once again."
He pretended to turn back to his book, shaking his head, so I folded my shirt and put it on the bed. I removed my pants next, going slowly since I was pretty sure he was still staring at me. I was standing in my bra and panties, reminding myself to be brave. No man had ever seen me that naked.
Folding my pants, I prolonged putting any real clothes back on. The longer I stood there, the bolder I felt. Once my pants and shirt were in a pile, I reached back and unclasped my bra, leaning forward to remove it. I set this on top of my other clothes and picked up my piece of satin and lace, straightening back up and slipping it over my head. Now I knew Jasper was watching as I heard him let out a groan when I swiveled my hips, adjusting the material over my torso while pulling my panties down and off my body at the same time.
Picking up my pile of neatly folded clothes, I put them in my messenger bag on the table. Jasper was watching me, his gaze stuck on my body, following me from the bed, to the desk, then back over to the bed.
Pulling the comforter back, I ran my hand over the sheets again, reminded of their smooth, cool slickness.
He cleared his throat.
I slipped in between the fitted and flat sheet, the satin wrapping around my entire body. Sinking all the way down until I was resting my head on the pillow, I pulled the flat sheet up to my neck, giving a loud sigh of contentment as I closed my eyes.
"Hurry up over there, will ya?"
I heard Jasper mumble a reply but only caught a few words - "blood," "brain," and "torturing me". I giggled and relaxed, the first time I'd truly let my brain rest in several days.
A few minutes later, just as I was on the cusp of falling asleep, I felt the bed shift under the weight of Jasper's body. I kept my eyes closed, waiting to see what he would do.
I could feel him stalking over me, crawling on top of my body, over the comforter. When he was covering the length of me, I felt warmth at my neck as he kissed me.
"Bella, I love seeing you laying here in my bed, sprawled out with your hair all messy behind you, so relaxed and happy. You have no idea how hard it makes me." He rested more of his body weight on mine to emphasize his last point, and it worked. Even between all the layers, I could feel how hard he was, and I got a pretty decent idea of what I was, er, dealing with. The inner panic picked up and I reminded myself to be confident and strong, to talk to him, to be open and honest.
Smiling, I opened my eyes as his nose ghosted over my neck and his lips came to rest on my collarbone. He was still fully dressed, which I actually appreciated – he wasn't making any assumptions.
"Jasper, this is another one of those talking moments. I seem to be having a lot of them tonight."
He leaned back a little and slid off to my side, resting his head on his elbow. He touched my cheek with his other hand in a reassuring gesture.
"So, I know we talked a little about my family on our date, but I left out a few details. Forks is a small town. Tiny, really. I grew up with a lot of the same people around, and one of them was Jake."
"The guy you mentioned before," he interrupted.
"Right. So, Jake and I knew each other our whole lives growing up. He lived on the reservation nearby and our fathers were best friends, so we spent a lot of time together. Around a year and a half ago, we started to date. I thought he was my future. He gave me a promise ring shortly after we began to date, which was too fast for me, but that was part of the problem with us – it was never about me, it was always about him. Anyway, the major part I left out of my story was that on the day Charlie was killed, I went to the reservation to find Jacob; I needed someone to hold me, to love me, to reassure me."
By this time I could feel the tears escaping, and Jasper began kissing away each one that fell on the side of my face he could reach.
"I certainly got more than I bargained for. I walked in on Jacob and Mike having sex. Before I left Forks, I gave him back his promise ring. I realized that our entire relationship was formed around everyone else's needs and wants. Our parents wanted us to date, so we did. Jacob wanted me, so I gave myself to him."
Pausing, I took a deep breath. I was about to admit something that I very rarely admitted, even to myself, but I knew it was important for New Bella.
"Part of why I'm telling you this, aside from the fact that it seems like you deserve to know, is that Jake and I... well, Jake wasn't exactly the most romantic person in the world," I said. My words were failing me, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to tell him, now that I'd begun. "Sorry, this is harder to say than I thought it would be."
"Take your time, sweetheart." He kissed my temple. "I've got all the time in the world for you."
And right at that moment, I realized that Jasper was nothing like Jake. I could hear the sincerity in his voice; even if it took me hours to get out exactly how I was feeling, he would lay right next to me and really hear each word, not just pretend to listen.
"Thank you, Jasper. Really, the fact that you're so kind and caring makes this easier, and I appreciate it. So, Jake was definitely not romantic, but the real reason why I brought this topic up is that I'veneverhadanorgasm."
You could've heard a pin drop in the room at that moment and I turned to look at Jasper to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep or something. His eyes were huge and he was blinking at me, confused, his eyebrows furrowed.
I kept my eyes on his as I repeated myself. "I've never had an orgasm."
"Never. We only ever had sex, and it was focused on Jake and what he wanted or needed."
"What? When you say you only ever had sex, just let me clarify. You only ever had penetrative sex? He didn't touch you, taste you, nothing other than fucking?"
His voice got a little gruff as he covered the potential sexual acts we might have done and I found myself in need of another deep breath. This was harder than I imagined, but I also felt so much better than I thought I would at my confession.
"Right, fucking, that's one way to look at it, since I guess neither of us were really in love with the other. I mean, he wasn't rough with me or anything, it just... wasn't about me. Ever."
Jasper closed his eyes in what seemed to be frustration and anger. I got a little nervous, and more than a little worried. I couldn't tell if he was upset with me, Jake, or something else entirely.
"Give me a minute, please. I promise I'll explain."
He was taking deep breaths and I moved my hand to cup his cheek, repeating the comforting gesture as he had done to me.
He opened his eyes and they were slightly glassy. His eyes never left mine as he spoke.
"Bella, I can't imagine a man walking the face of the Earth that wouldn't want to worship your body repeatedly. The fact that he basically used you makes me so angry that I literally see red. I want to find him and rip him limb from limb. He's a disgrace to the male gender. He's a dog. No, he's lower than a dog – he's a tick on a dog, sucking the lifeblood out and giving nothing in return. I hope by now you know that I'm not like that, and I hope that by now you realize you're worth so much more than that."
"Thank you, Jasper. I do know now that I deserve more, and I do know that you're nothing like that. I just didn't want you to think I was intentionally teasing you. I'm very attracted to you and I certainly look forward to having fun with you, in and out of bed, but I feel like I'm starting from scratch with all of this. I'm trying so hard not to be nervous and you do a good job of easing my fears. I certainly feel more bold with you than I have in a long time." I laughed. "I never would have basically stripped down in front of someone, girl or boy, a year ago. I'm pretty sure Jake never even saw me naked. Whenever we fooled around, it was completely in the dark."
He hummed. "What a show it was, too. Do you even realize what an amazing body you have? Every time I see you on campus, there are at least two other guys drooling over you, and that doesn't include me. The way you tuck your hair behind your ear, suck your lower lip into your mouth, shoot back with sarcastic comments. Everything about you screams and calls to us. I want to be gentle with you, Bella. I care about you and I don't want to hurt you. Will you make me a promise?"
"Sure, Jasper. What is it?"
"Promise me that you won't let me get away with doing something that hurts you. I need you to be honest with me, because otherwise I'll be constantly worrying that I may have pushed you too far or crossed a line you weren't ready to cross. Can you promise me that?"
"Of course. I'm a different person now, Jasper, really. I do appreciate your concerns and I'll do my best to always be open and honest with you. Thank you for looking out for me. Do you have any idea how sexy that is?"
Reaching over, I kissed him, then sucked his lower lip into my mouth. "Hey, Jasper," I whispered.
"When are you gonna take off some of those clothes and climb in here with me?"
Winking, he stood up. "How does now work for you?" I could already see his pants straining and I sat up on the bed, wanting to really take in his body as he undressed for me. I didn't say it out loud, but I was pretty sure he picked up on the fact that I'd never seen a guy naked. As he undressed, I watched his muscles and flex and move. I paid attention to the contours of his body, the angles and soft spots. Unsure how far I wanted him to strip, I bit my lip when he was down to his boxers.
"How about if I stop here?" he asked.
Pulling the comforter down on the other side, I patted the bed. Jasper slid in next to me and held me close, curling up to my side as I laid on my back. For a long moment, we just laid there, calm and content together. I wasn't even nervous; I knew that Jasper wouldn't take advantage of me or go any further than I was ready, I just wasn't certain how far I was ready to go.
I didn't get very far into that thought process when I felt Jasper's hand slide up my side and across my collarbone up to caress my neck.
"Have I told you yet how beautiful you are in this nightgown? I'm sure I messed up the rest of my homework, distracted by you. Wicked woman."
He leaned down to kiss me, using his hand behind my neck to tilt my head. I opened my mouth to him, and his tongue softly slid against mine as a groan escaped from him.
We laid there for a few minutes just kissing, before I felt his hands moving. Using his fingertips, he trailed down from my neck, over my collarbone, and across the swell of my breast. He lowered to circle my nipple, teasing me before gently taking it between his thumb and forefinger. I moaned and arched my back, pushing my chest into his touch.
"Bella, can I touch you more?" His hot breath in my ear stunned me for a moment and I could feel his hand linger on my abdomen, waiting for me to give him permission to continue.
"Yes, please, Jasper."
I hoped I wasn't stumbling too much, making a total ass of myself. His kisses were on my neck and he seemed to be breathing me in, absorbing as much of me as he could.
"You have no idea how much I've wanted to do this. To touch and feel you tremble beneath my hands. I can't wait to see you come undone and hold you in my arms after you come, Bella," he purred.
OK, the truth was, I didn't know if I could even have an orgasm. It wasn't like Jake and I were only together once or twice; it was probably in the hundreds. Sure, sometimes it felt good, but never once did I even feel close to anything I would describe as orgasmic. I never saw shooting stars, never felt like I was going to scream. Mostly, I laid there and thought about grocery shopping and what I needed to get done around the house. Part of me felt so unattractive – I wondered why Jake had utterly no interest in ever really touching or pleasing me. I decided it must be because I was undesirable.
Jasper, on the other hand, seemed to be taking extreme pleasure in touching me and I began to feel just as good as his hands made their way underneath my nightgown.
"Bella, will you let me take this off?"
I lifted my hips in reply. I knew I would need all of my strength not to turn into a blushing puddle of goo, so I was grateful when I felt him tugging the material over my head. He stopped for a moment to appreciate my body, his eyes roaming up and down my undressed and uncovered form. Don't blush, don't blush.
"You are so delicious. I'm going to make you feel so good, Bella. Lay back down."
Who would refuse that?
Lying back, I closed my eyes. Jasper took a nipple into his mouth, licking and sucking gently as his hand trailed back down my body. I felt his fingertips play in the patch of hair above my center and couldn't help the soft moan that escaped my throat.
"Oh, Jasper," I breathed. Trying to muster any more words from my brain was useless.
"Mmm. I haven't even begun yet, Bella."
With those words, he dipped his hand lower, fingertips tracing the outline of my pussy, then ran one fingertip from the base up to my clit. When he finally reached the top of my slit, I nearly jumped.
"Bella, have you ever touched yourself?" he asked, as he continued to stroke up and down, stopping to circle my clit now and then.
Aw, crap. It was going to take every shred of bravery to have this conversation.
"Never?" he clarified.
He hadn't stopped what he was doing, and I was a panting mess, and frankly, starting to understand about the stars and explosions. I could feel something beginning and knew if he kept up his movements, I was going to have an actual orgasm. I wasn't sure what excited me more, the prospect of finally being able to come, or the fact that Jasper was the one doing it.
"God, Bella, it's so fucking hot that you're letting me give this to you. Thank you."
Nipping at my neck, he lowered his hand to my opening, pressing a fingertip in experimentally. That time I let out a loud moan and bucked my hips. He pressed forward, letting his entire finger slip slowly into me. When it was all the way in, he pressed the palm of his hand harder, moving his finger somehow, and I nearly came unglued, my body lifting off the bed involuntarily.
"Oh fuck, Jasper, please, please, don't stop. Oh God," I rambled.
My head was moving side to side by that point. He'd slipped a second finger in and was still slowly fucking me with them, moving his thumb over my clit with the same rhythm.
"Open your eyes and come for me, Bella. I want to see you as you come, please... Please."
Feeling his rhythm accelerate, I opened my eyes. I was lost, so lost. It almost hurt, but felt so good at the same time. Was this an orgasm? I couldn't tell if I'd fallen over the proverbial edge yet. He kept his hand moving and his mouth came back up to kiss me as he looked in my eyes. He must've known I was close, and brushed his fingers in an upward motion inside of me, hitting that spot that made me moan again.
My body wound up, and I knew what I'd felt before hadn't been the orgasm. Jasper moved his fingers in and out faster, and I knew – this, this right here – was falling off the ledge. Seeing stars. Coming. That was an orgasm, and I cried out as I felt my muscles spasm, contracting around Jasper's fingers. I didn't give a flying fuck who heard me in that moment, I only knew there was no way I could hold it in. Closing my eyes, I tossed my head back as the final waves of my very first orgasm crashed over me.
The moment I began to come down, I was embarrassed. I tried really hard not to be. Sexy would have been the preferable emotion at that moment. I wasn't sure if my reaction to Jasper's touching had been normal. Did all women have that strong of a reaction?
Just as the internal berating began, the negative, inner Old Bella dialog about how Jasper would never want to see me again, the girl who couldn't control herself, my eyes opened and I saw him still looking directly at me.
He was peppering my neck and chest with kisses, fingers slowly pulling out of me, bringing to life a whole new set of sensations.
"Bella, that was so fucking hot. I've never seen a woman look so sexy while coming. It literally makes me want do it over and over and over, just to see you go through that again."
Laughing, I nuzzled my face into his neck. I wanted to be closer to him, to feel his body against mine. I needed him to hold me, to reassure me. And he did.